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female
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*ozza
writes: hi guys,How do you know what is going on in a guys head, my god it is so confusing. I'm 20 and my now ex bf is 21, we were together for 2 years and he broke up with me a few weeks back, cuz he has alot of stuff going on that he couldn't handle and took it out on me. he hated himself for the way he was treating me and so broke up with me, which is nice i suppose and we both wanted to stay in touch and both still love each other, and to be honest i agree that he needs sum space to sort himself out and it wont do me any harm. trouble is, we were txtin and being friendly and out of no where he suddenly didn't reply to me or answer my calls. i'm completly heartbroken by all this and him ignoring me was ripping me apart so i txt him one last time to say, i dont know why hes doing it but its unfair to me etc. i thought i said my peace and didn't expect to hear from him again, i did tell him i'd always be there for him, as he doesn't get support from his family and keeps things bottled up from his friends. a week went by and he contacted me to say sorry and we were talking again. it was nice kinda flirty but innocently like wen we first met, the thing is i still love him and miss him desperatly although i cant tell him cuz i dont want to rush bk into things or scare him off. but if he contacts me, wen i gave him an easy way out of the friendship/relationship does that mean he still cares about me. i'm tryin to be so strong and not contact him so much but really want to know if friendship is all i can ever have with him? should i just wait and see what happens see if it progresses naturally and continue to play it cool or should i ask him straight? any advice would be a great help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Sorry, my response somehow got posted THREE times! Oops!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Okay. Let's think about this a minute.
He broke up with you a few weeks ago because he has a lot of things on his mind, and didn't like the way he was acting toward you. There may have been problems going on between the two of you, which you may or may not have been aware of.
Whatever the circumstances - "stuff" which had nothing to do with his feelings about you; or "stuff" that DID cause him concern about your relationship, plus other things going on in his life - he chose to end it.
You said you know he needs space. You need space too, and you need to "honor" his decision not to continue.
The likelihood is that he does care about you, but perhaps not in a way that makes him think it a good idea to get back together, or even to be friends. Your clue is that he stopped texting you and didn't return your phone calls -except, a week later, to say "sorry."
Given all this, your best bet is to not contact him at all. It's only been a few weeks since your relationship ended. If he needs space, how is he going to get it if he is hearing from you - even if "not so much", (whatever "not so much" means).
It MIGHT turn out that eventually he will want to remain friends. Don't count on it! Trying to be "friends" when you've been bf/gf often doesn't work because one of you secretly hopes you'll become bf/gf again.
Its clear from what you say about loving him & missing him desperately and not wanting to rush back into things, or scare him off, that getting back together as lovers, is what you REALLY want.
When and if, you ever get to the point that you can think about him purely as a platonic friend whose company is great when you meet, but also fine when you don't (almost in the same sort of way you feel about a woman friend) THEN you will be ready to be "just friends."
Focus on other friends right now, and doing things you enjoy, allow yourself to miss him, but don't dwell on it! Put your attention on your life, and what makes you happy (besides him, that is).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Okay. Let's think about this a minute.
He broke up with you a few weeks ago because he has a lot of things on his mind, and didn't like the way he was acting toward you. There may have been problems going on between the two of you, which you may or may not have been aware of.
Whatever the circumstances - "stuff" which had nothing to do with his feelings about you; or "stuff" that DID cause him concern about your relationship, plus other things going on in his life - he chose to end it.
You said you know he needs space. You need space too, and you need to "honor" his decision not to continue.
The likelihood is that he does care about you, but perhaps not in a way that makes him think it a good idea to get back together, or even to be friends. Your clue is that he stopped texting you and didn't return your phone calls -except, a week later, to say "sorry."
Given all this, your best bet is to not contact him at all. It's only been a few weeks since your relationship ended. If he needs space, how is he going to get it if he is hearing from you - even if "not so much", (whatever "not so much" means).
It MIGHT turn out that eventually he will want to remain friends. Don't count on it! Trying to be "friends" when you've been bf/gf often doesn't work because one of you secretly hopes you'll become bf/gf again.
Its clear from what you say about loving him & missing him desperately and not wanting to rush back into things, or scare him off, that getting back together as lovers, is what you REALLY want.
When and if, you ever get to the point that you can think about him purely as a platonic friend whose company is great when you meet, but also fine when you don't (almost in the same sort of way you feel about a woman friend) THEN you will be ready to be "just friends."
Focus on other friends right now, and doing things you enjoy, allow yourself to miss him, but don't dwell on it! Put your attention on your life, and what makes you happy (besides him, that is).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Okay. Let's think about this a minute.
He broke up with you a few weeks ago because he has a lot of things on his mind, and didn't like the way he was acting toward you. There may have been problems going on between the two of you, which you may or may not have been aware of.
Whatever the circumstances - "stuff" which had nothing to do with his feelings about you; or "stuff" that DID cause him concern about your relationship, plus other things going on in his life - he chose to end it.
You said you know he needs space. You need space too, and you need to "honor" his decision not to continue.
The likelihood is that he does care about you, but perhaps not in a way that makes him think it a good idea to get back together, or even to be friends. Your clue is that he stopped texting you and didn't return your phone calls -except, a week later, to say "sorry."
Given all this, your best bet is to not contact him at all. It's only been a few weeks since your relationship ended. If he needs space, how is he going to get it if he is hearing from you - even if "not so much", (whatever "not so much" means).
It MIGHT turn out that eventually he will want to remain friends. Don't count on it! Trying to be "friends" when you've been bf/gf often doesn't work because one of you secretly hopes you'll become bf/gf again.
Its clear from what you say about loving him & missing him desperately and not wanting to rush back into things, or scare him off, that getting back together as lovers, is what you REALLY want.
When and if, you ever get to the point that you can think about him purely as a platonic friend whose company is great when you meet, but also fine when you don't (almost in the same sort of way you feel about a woman friend) THEN you will be ready to be "just friends."
Focus on other friends right now, and doing things you enjoy, allow yourself to miss him, but don't dwell on it! Put your attention on your life, and what makes you happy (besides him, that is).
...............................
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