A
female
age
41-50,
*pril1
writes:I have been with my current partner now for nearly 12 months. When i met him hed recently been through a divorced and seperated 8 months prior to his divorce. Hed told me that his marriage hadnt been right for the last 4 years and he knew that it was coming to and end. One day she just left left him. I always felt there was more to it than he was letting on.He has recently told me about a month ago that he used to have a problem in wanting to wear womens clothes. He always wanted to from an early age of about 6. When he met his ex wife, he did tell her this on the first date, she was okay with it. Dressing up once in a while was something that he did whilst they were living together. She didnt want to see it so she would either be out or hed go upstairs. When he reached the age of 30 It got worse for him and he wanted to start doing it more. Painting nails, waxing and then even went out whilst dressed. Dressed to the extent of wanting to pass as a women. Giving himslef a false name etc. His wife wasnt happy about it, but she never really talked about it either. But at the time he said hed told her something about himself that she excepted and it felt as though she was trying to take it away from him so the attitude he had was either like it or lump it. Hed said that the sex life with his ex wife was never really very good and some what probably non existant. He has explained to me his reasoning for dressing up was, that hes never felt happy with himself, low self asteem, he was bullied at school which i know still upsets him to this day, never really had the confidence to ask women out as didnt think anyone would ever love or like him. Dressing up made him feel as though he could be someone else for a short space of time. Also he does find it a turn on sexually. After his wife had left, he was left devasted. And feels that this problem that he has had in is life just wants it gone as it has caused him so much devastation. He wanted to tell me himself as didnt want me hearing it from someone else, as his ex wife had started to tell people. Since she left he hasnt dressed up which is over 12 months ago now. He doesnt want it to be part of his life anymore. He has said that he stil gets the urges of wanting to but he is not acting on them. He has also started therapy with a physco sexual therapist as he wants to ensure that this problem will not come back in to his life again. He has said since he has met me he is the happiest he has ever been in his life. And hes never experienced a sexual and intimate relationship like it ever before. The dressing up the thoughts only come in to his mind every now and again no way near as much. Mostly if hes feeling a bit low or down. My question really i want to know. Can cross dressers really stop doing it and be happy? The reasrch on things i have red say they cannot stop. I have done so much thinking about this. I do think the world of him and would love to be able to say to him, if it doest come back or you want to that would be fine, but i wouldnt like it and i think in time it would put me off of him in a sexual way and would look at him differently not as a partner. I really want the relationship to work, but can he really keep it out of his life. Will theropy help? During the past when this was in his life, he said he has alwways been happy with hs own genitailer so knows that he was never suffering gender dysphoria as i think if you are your not happy with your own private parts thats gener dyshporiaIf anyone knows more about this subject, if he really wants to stop and keep it something in the past is this possible and can he achieve this?
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female
reader, April1 +, writes (11 March 2011):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThought id put an update on this siutation with regards to my partner wanting to wear womens clothes. As time has passed he is now being more honest with me than before! Hed been going for therapy for nearly a year, and he realised now that this is something that will never go away. After research i have done i think he was seeing the wrong therapist. It was a sexual physco therapist. Think it should have been a gender specialist instead.
He explains it in a different way now. Maybe its not quite so much to do with the clothes. He describes it as he feels he is male and female, a bit of both. Sometimes its more one than the other, then viser versa, or sometimes both at the same time. Now, i am really concerning myself thinking that this is more along the lines of transexualism. He has said to me that most mornings he will wake up and before he really has a chance to think, its like a feeling that he will get, and and feels he is female. He will look at his arms and legs and feel why have i got all these hairs. Then as hes up and about doing day to day things, it can wear of, then hes happy being male, but then the feeling will come back at some point in the day, sometimes stronger than others and sometimes more often than other times. Thats the best way he says he can describe it as a bit of both. As some mornings he can wake up and hes fine and he feels like being masculine. This is worrying me to death now. We have an agreement of him dressing every now and again and see how we both go, but if it runs deeper, maybe it will get worse and eventually dressing all the time or even wanting to be a women full time. I have heard of primary transexuals, which are people that know from a very young age that their brains doesnt match the gender. Then i have heard of secondary transexuals, which are people that go through there lives cross dresing, thinking thats all it is, then it progresses with age and in there fifties decide to go though gender reisignment. The only possative thing i can see that steers me away from this concern, is that he has never had a problem with his genitailier. If someone could give me there views on this it would be much apreciated? Do you think this is alot more than just a transvestite/crossdresser would you say? and dressing every now and again would be enough?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): I personally just find it impossible to find that a problem. I can sort of understand that some might and can accept that I'm talking theoretically rather than practically.
Why not cook him a meal ask him to dress how he wants to show him you accept it then request if he could normally do it not in your presence but you don't mind it every now and then.??
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A
female
reader, April1 +, writes (18 November 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. When its put like that it doesnt seem a big problem. Maybe i have just blown it all out of proportion and made it seem a bigger problem than it really is. Saying that though, it was a big problem for him before as his marrage ended because of this. He said he would never let that happen again. But just some sort of acceptance he would be happy with. I did say, well when im not around you could do dress then and i dont have to see it. But he wasnt to keen on that as he said it would make him feel bad about himself and guity for doing something that he knows im not happy about. Makes sense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): If it's getting serious in sure he would e willing to compramise with only inside or only when your out and not in public or whatever you'd like as long as it's not a ban
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A
female
reader, April1 +, writes (18 November 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo would you say its a big concern for the future. Or someone that is this way, dressing up once a month, do you really think that it could be left just at that and he would be happy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): it's his sexuality and something you have to accept as part of him
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A
female
reader, April1 +, writes (17 November 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry that message i posted i had names muddled up it was meant for LUISA JAMES 21 NOT ONEPRETTYSWEET RV
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A
female
reader, April1 +, writes (17 November 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiya this is a message for oneprettysweettv.Firstly i would like to say a big thankyou for your message. Its nice to hear from someone that actually sounds as though they know what they are talking about and who understands it.Its been some time now since i posted that message, i am still with my partner, but you know what, still after all this time, im still struggling to understand or accept this part of him. He has been going for therapy now for some time and he has recently said to me, the therapist has taught him that he needs to love himself for who he is. He says he has really tried his hardest to erradicate the feelings. but he thinks now he has to realise that this is something that is not going to go away and is just part of him. He still hasnt dressed. Anyway, i know this is causing him great upset, it is only the other night, i took my top off and leggins and talked him into putting them on. He was very reluctant at the start as he said i dont want you to end up rejecting me. However, he didnt enjoy wearing them as he said he felt like he was being mocked, not that i was laughing at him, but as he has hairs on his chest, he said it just felt all wrong. So i have now established that the shaving of legs, arms chest is also something that he would want to do. Well, i certainly wouldnt like that!But yes he is great in everyway other way. Fantastic person! Why is so difficult to do the right thing. But i keep thinking to myself how can i cope if he ends up with a worddrobe full of womens clothes, i realy dont like the thought of it. I dont think men look attractive dressed up as women. It really is hard to understand. If i wore something and was told i didnt look very nice in it, or it didnt do anything for me, i wouldnt want to wear it again. It doesnt seem to work the same though does it?! The whole subject has drained me out over the months, sleepless nights, you name it! my mind working over time trying my hardest to understand. We have kind of recently come to an agreement, where i have said i will try from my side, and how about if he dressed just once a month, at home and had a bit of fun with it, and left it at that. He says he thinks that he would be happy with that as he would be getting some acceptence. Do you honestly think that he could be happy with that, once a month? Could you be happy at that? Im just on tender hooks all the time as i dont know, to what extent he will take it in the future.You are ecatly right though in it is something that does turn him on and he finds himself attractive. Hard to understand. And yes again you are right with him dressing and then would want to engage in some sort of activity with me. Also yes he only likes women for sure. from what you mentioned, cant remember the terms that you used, but he likes to dress to the full extent, wanting to actually pass as a women and not made a mockery of, like drag acts. He is a singer and i did suggest why not bring it into his career as a drag artist. He said a definate no no. He also likes all of the other accessories, to make breasts, shoes, its seems to be the whole thing. For eg if he dressed he probably wouldnt feel right inless he had the underwar on as well. He has also said sometimes its a thought he gets first thing on the morning, like a feeling even before hes had a chance to think about it. I really worry, i want to be with him, i am 30 now and definatley want children, but how can i know, where this is going to go in the future with him. What will he do. Do you think realisically once a month dressing would be enough??? As you mentioned that it gets worse with age! I have said to him, cant he just forget about it, and think something else and just be the man he is rather than trying, wanting or fantasising about being something hes not. Its not as simple as that tho i know. He has reassured me that he doesnt want to be female as he is happy most the time as male, but sometimes he feels he want to be female and a different person for that period of time. I just cant plan or look forward to the future. I try and adjust my mind a think, well its not that bad, once a month him dressing i could deal with that, far worser things, could have a bit of fun with it, party few drinks. But... Will that be enough for someone like him?
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A
male
reader, 0neprettysweettv  +, writes (12 November 2010):
No way. Absolutely not. A transvestite will always be a transvestite and will never be happy unless he allows himself to indulge in feminization. Show me a crossdresser who claims to have 'quit' dressing and I'll show you a person who it truly miserable inside! Cindy Crawford could walk into my house ultra-horny and stark naked and declare: "I want to be effed so badly! I need a man now!" I would reply: "Well, I guess you should go find a man then because I would rather continue dressing op as a girl. You could even bring him back here and have sex in front of me while I do my makeup. I would actually love that as it would serve to be extra-feminizing, highly emasculating and deliriously humiliating to a most delightful degree!"
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A
male
reader, Luisa James 21 +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Dear potential partner to a cross-dresser:
Your potential partner/boyfriend sounds like he is a fairly common variety heterosexual male-to-female cross-dresser like myself. There are many theories about why we do what we do. Personally, I believe that I was exposed to diethylstilbesterol (DES), an estrogen compound that was popularly used in the late 1940's and early 1950's to prevent premature miscarriages. My mother died of complications due to a rare slow-growing uterine sarcoma that is linked to DES use. I was engendered in China Lake, CA, which is located downwind from Owen's Lake, a dry lake bed that until recently was a source of dust in dust-storms that have plagued the China Lake area for many years. The dust is laden with lead and other heavy metals. Also, water in China Lake came from the Kearns River Valley where DDT was sprayed in the late 1940's to control mosquitoes. All these substances have been shown in experimental animal studies and animal studies in the wild to cause changes in the sexual structures and sexual behaviors in young exposed during gestation to these agents. Ducks along the Potomac River have been shown to have undergone sexual structural and sexual behavioral changes that give male ducks female feathers and cause them to carry out confused sexual behaviors. A crash in the duck population is expected because the male ducks affected turn off the female ducks. They are not attracted to the female feather patterns and to the atypical mating behavior of these poor male ducks.
I think heterosexual cross-dressers are a lotlike these ducks. They self-identify as males, but they like to wear and to display female clothing. Oddly they are sexually aroused by their own behavior, but that behavior is generally hoped to be attractive to their female partners. Certainly their desires to mate are increased when they are dressed like women. They have no desire whatsoever to be promiscuous or to seek out other female partners. They are generally well educated men and good providers who deeply care about their wives and their children. Their brains are just a little screwed up. Their wires are crossed.
The condition seems to get worse with age. This is a problem of older men, primarily, even though the first manifestations of the problem commonly start in early childhood. Nobody knows why this occurs, but I suspect that it is related to changes in neurotransmitter levels in the brain that change with the aging process.
I cross-dressed for a short time as a 14-year-old and then quit for many years. It was not a major problem until 6 years after I suffered a mid-brain bleed that affected the arousal system in my brain, the reticular activating system. It was associated with acute hydrocephalus that damaged other centers in my brain. I developed ADD, a mood disorder, depression, anxiety, and OCD characterized by a compulsion to cross-dress about 6 years after my mid-brain bleed. In order to stay awake and function and avoid depression, I needed to take a mild antidepressant (St. John's Wort), an amphetamine based drug for ADD (Vyvanse), and an OCD drug (Luvox). The combination completely suppressed my compulsion to cross-dress for over a year and a half. Then I had a small stroke called a lacunar stroke that was possibly related to these medications. I had to stop them. I became chronically drowsy and depressed but couldn't take anything to help these symptoms for fear of inducing seizures and another lacunar stroke. I found that cross-dressing helped me wake up and relieved my anxiety and depression.
Normal males do not and I believe cannot get addicted to cross-dressing. Dressing in women's clothing is something normal men dislike intensely. At least one normal male who as a baby had his penis cut off underwent a sex change operation to cover up a botched circumcision. He was raised as a girl, but even though he looked like a girl and was dressed like a girl and treated like a girl, he eventually came to feel that he was a boy and not a girl. His brain was that of a normal male. Eventually he refused to wear women's clothes and eventually committed suicide because he had been castrated and realized that he could never recover his male genitalia and other male sexual features despite being mentally male. That is how I believe normal males would react to cross-dressing for extended periods of time. They would hate it.
Heterosexual cross-dressers feel like males but feel really good when they cross-dress. It relieves anxiety and depression and makes them feel happy and ready to tango with their opposite sex partner. This really turns off most normal heterosexual females, as you and your friend's former wife have described. Many believe that the husband's cross-dressing is some kind of adulterous behavior with an imaginary woman, a fantasized female that comes from their partner's past or some pornographic images that they have developed a sexual addiction to.
I don't believe any of this. I think that when heterosexual transvestites cross-dress, they are dressing a female image or aspect of themselves. Tri-Ess is a society for heterosexual cross-dressers that stands for The Society of the Second Self. I think this describes perfectly what is going on in the heads of most heterosexual cross-dressers. They are dressing up a female aspect of themselves that, in turn, stimulates joy centers in the brain that increase their desires for their opposite sex partners. They are men who are rarely effeminate in their behavior but who have something like a teenage girl avatar buzzing around in their heads that wants to look pretty, that wants any number of female characteristics applied to their bodies. They may want female hairdos.
They might want to wear make up, paint their nails, wear modest but attractive female clothing. Most are turned off by gay men and drag queens who generally mock femininity in their behavior and appearance. Heterosexual cross-dressers love women so much that they want to look like one and even pass as females in public despite the fact that most would never want to actually attract a male or have sex with one. They love their partners and hope that their partners will accept the fact that this little girl inside their heads is shy and is afraid to come out but would love to have a female partner who would help them look more beautiful. They may want to get breast prostheses, wear bras, wear pantie hose, go shopping for dresses and jewelry, and get their nails and toes painted--all because they love females and female things. They commonly try to work on developing a female sounding voice and a feminine walk for their own protection. Guys in dresses that look like guys in dresses are not infrequently attacked by males who just hate men who look or act like women. Most cross-dressers are not homosexuals nor do many have any homosexual inclinations. They do love dressing up the girl inside them, though. Those that love feeling like a girl and admiring themselves as women are said to have autogynophilia. Those that love feminine objects--breast prostheses, silk stockings, high heeled shoes, leather skirts, etc. are said to have a transvestic fetishism. Although seeking reassignment surgery occurs in only about one in a thousand heterosexual crossdressers, the risk is slightly greater in those with strictly autogynophilia and somewhat less in those with strictly transvestic fetishisms. The risk of those with both characteristics have an intermediate risk, which is quite low. I would say that I fall into this category. I have no desire to undergo a sex change. I like my male genitalia, and my baritone voice. I recently developed low testosterone. I hated the proximal muscle weakness, the fatigue, and the fuzzy thinking associated with that condition. I now take testosterone and enjoy the strength it gives me. I developed some problems with erectile dysfunction that I believe was related to Avodart, a medicine used to treat BPH. Viagra helped the condition and surprisingly also substantially decreased my desire to cross-dress while its effects lasted. The medicine is expensive and long-acting medications like it have not had the same effect on my urges to cross-dress.
If female significant others understood their heterosexual cross-dressing male partners, I don't think they would find them so threatening and repugnant. Cross-dressing, in my opinion, is to adultery what dressing up like a gangster for a Halloween Part is to murder. It's not adultery. It's not a secretly desired companion with bigger breasts than you have and thicker lipstick than you wear. It is a second self inside your husband/partner that probably got their for no fault of his own or his parents.
The trouble young cross-dressers have growing up, if they have any trouble growing up--and many do not have major problems--I didn't. I came from a very loving, very straight, religious family that was very well educated, very normal in behavior--a great family--no drugs, no alcohol, no spouse or child abuse of any kind, just some bad luck with DES use, lead exposure, and DDT exposure to the best of my knowledge--the troubles some cross-dressers have when they are growing up, I think, are related to their abnormal reaction to women's clothing and subtle behavioral abnormalities of a wide variety, usually none that are terribly noticeable or very serious. Some might like sewing. Some might not care for or be very good at macho sports. Others try to excel in macho sports and careers to hide their feminine behavior and desires.
Although I didn't cross-dress for about 30 years and was successful in suppressing my cross-dressing compulsion completely for a year and a half after it flared up like a bonfire in my early-fifties, the medications and therapy eventually lost their usefulness. My wife divorced me just six months ago after we had been together for 35 years and successfully raised an amazingly wonderful family. She hates my cross-dressing. She stayed with me while I was struggling to control it and did control it for a while, but decided to go through with a divorce after I started again.
I consulted several psychologists affiliated with my faith and a couple of psychiatrists. With cross-dressing as my only medically approved source of stimulation for my daytime drowsiness and depression, they are recommending that I continue to cross-dress. Even my religious leaders who initially wanted to help me stop this behavior by withholding certain privileges in my religious faith have reconsidered their positions and have allowed me to cross dress at home and at work, where ironically, I have had no trouble in gaining acceptance, provided I stay out of the public view. I have recently obtained SSI Disability Income and Disability Medicaid, so now I have a small but steady income and much needed medical coverage.
My wife is considering re-marrying me because I was a good father and husband, and at one time was a good provider--I was a practicing general surgeon. I helped all our children overcome learning disabilities. I spent hours at home helping them with reading, math, history, etc. They have become very successful themselves, which is a great source of joy to both of us.
I think a woman who is married to a cross-dresser or who is considering marriage to a cross-dresser, needs to look at the man they are marrying and try to make friends with the female second-self he is carrying around inside of his head. If the man is faithful, dependable, kind, successful, compassionate, loving, adoring of you his partner or spouse, then why put him through hell? Why try to fix the crossed wires in his hypothalamus that were messed up by chemicals he was exposed to? I think of cross-dressing behavior as a dysfunctional behavior that commonly turns off those the cross-dresser loves and cherishes the most. He fears that coming out and sharing his second self with his family will turn those he loves the most away and destroy everything good in his life. He fears this, because it happens, but I think it doesn't have to happen, if people were more enlightened and compassionate.
I know it's hard for women to see their beloved husbands dressed like ridiculously disproportionate and extremely unstylish women. They hope that none of their friends will find out about it. They worry about getting thrown out of housing or losing jobs. This too happens, but fortunately many major companies, most universities, many cities, and a growing number of states are passing laws that protect transvestites and transsexuals from discrimination. Some recognize these conditions as valid disabilities.
In the meantime I have counseled my recently married daughter to drink water that has been filtered to exclude heavy metals and organic compounds. I advise her that when she gets pregnant again to consider eating organically grown foods that are not exposed to insecticides. I suggest that she wash fruits and vegetables carefully. I discourage the consumption of meats which may have been exposed to excessive levels of estrogen. I counsel her to be completely off of birth control pills before trying to get pregnant and to not miss any pills so that she could become pregnant while exposing her fetus to high levels of estrogen.
Being a heterosexual transvestite is not something that I would wish on anyone, but since I have the condition, I am hoping that greater understanding will lead to less persecution and strong family ties. Let your man be happy and he will do everything in his power to make you and those you love happy.
I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Luisa James
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (21 April 2010):
 Boys are sexual from the day theyre born. It's wired into them. So at six, though it wasn't what WE adults think of as sexual, it was, in some infantile form a charge for him.It's not about having more female genes. It's about how your head works. I've been told I'm a gay man in disguise because of the way I act. I don't mind it. I'm a tomboy. I'm too 'sexual' to be female. It makes total sense why I want cross dressers but I'm not less female than you or any other genetic female in the world. My head's just wired differently and I'm not alone albeit rare.Nipple stimulation is good for both sexes. Me? I hate it. Doesnt do JACK for me. Breast play has never been my thing. I let guys do it because THEY love it but me, I just read a book (in my head) it's that boring. I know men who love it as much or more than females. It's a preference, like wearing cotton vs. nylon panties. Some find cotton too stiff and some find it very comfy (myself included.) OK maybe it's not the same, but you get the idea. It's still just a preference.Hoping to pass as female could mean he wants to do drag. Remember, he's been repressed in his desire. It could be pent up. Like when you haven't had chocolate in a year and suddenly get to have as much as you want you go overboard.Spraying all over the place in the toilet could mean his penis is 'wired' differently and he sprays or does it in a way he can't really control. I wouldn't worry too much.A transexual does not like using their genitals. They do hate them. They find them "wrong" because it's, well, the wrong sex. Can he have sex just fine? Suppose he was allowed to dress up with you, could he still have sex? I bet it'd be amazing because he'd be totally charged up. If he was a transexual, as I said, even dressed up he'd still be "missing" something.You may want to ask him to go to counseling. If he has gender identity distorder (GID) then he needs to find a source for help to transgender. But so far, I'm not convinced he's a TG/TS (transexual.)I'd have to talk to him more or hear more from you to see what the deal is. He has some things that COULD be judged as half TG's, the whole passing as a woman thing, BUT before you go on that wagon consider this. A LOT of drag queens don't want to be transexuals. They find the idea of transforming exciting. They like the idea of being both male and female. Granted, most drags are gay men but that's besides the point. I don't think your guy is gay.If you have serious doubts, go to counseling to get to the real issue. But do know, there is such things as straight cross dressers. I talk to them all the time. :)[Contact information removed per site guidelines. Sorry we can't allow email addresses or facebook information as it is a privacy concern. There's no way of knowing if someone is disseminating their own information or someone they are trying to harass. Thank you for respecting our guidelines.]
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female
reader, April1 +, writes (20 April 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso forgot to say sexually what really turns him on his nipple stimulation, so this is also something that is in my mind of him wanting to be a women.
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female
reader, April1 +, writes (20 April 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to cnith. Thanks for your reply. This has made me more possitive towards the relationship. The only thing that worries me is i am concerned whether or not this could be something that you are born with in that is could be in your genes or chromosones. Having more female ones than males. If it is a sexual thing, then why would he have felt like he wanted to wear female clothes from the age of 6? This is when he first felt this way. Then obviously when he did get older he did find that it was something that turned him on as well. I just cant understand it myself. It worries me that maybe he could be transexual but in denile. All he can remember is, he has never had much confidence, especially where women are concerned, never really liked himself, and dressing up aside being something that turned him on, also made him feel like he could be someone else, not himself anymore. He is now 35. it was when he reached 30 he took things a bit further in started doing it more often. Not just dressing up though, but actually shaving legs arms, painting nails, full make up, hopeing to pass as a female was the aim. He then started going out like it. Things started then going down hill with him and his wife. But he also has said that there sex life was practically non existant. So could it have been that that maybe pushed him that way? He did say that once at that time he did feel confused about who he was etc etc and was so miserable and depressed, This is why i am concerned that he could be transexual. His answer to this is when his wife had left him, he had the opportunity then to go down this road if he wanted to, but he never did and never dressed since. He also says that he is fully happy with his genitailier and doesnt feel female and has said to me that if he was a transexual he wouldnt be able to stand the sight of his own private parts. So is this right that he definatley would not be transexual? There are a couple of things that i have noticed that concern me, or maybe it is me thats looking too much into things. When he goes to the toilet, sometimes he sits down to urinate. I have asked him why he does this, and he says he hates it spraying every where. So when he is out some where, he doesnt use the mens urinals he always goes into the cubicle as he says its discusting, spraying every where. Am i reading more into things? Or does it seem there could be a concern? I am 30 years old havent had much luck relationship wise. I finally met someone who is great in every other way, but i am ready to settle down and do want children so i cant be wasting my time. Ive done too much of that. He is a very honest person and i know he wouldnt like to me, but could he be unsure about things?
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A
female
reader, April1 +, writes (20 April 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to cnith. Thanks for your reply. This has made me more possitive towards the relationship. The only thing that worries me is i am concerned whether or not this could be something that you are born with in that is could be in your genes or chromosones. Having more female ones than males. If it is a sexual thing, then why would he have felt like he wanted to wear female clothes from the age of 6? This is when he first felt this way. Then obviously when he did get older he did find that it was something that turned him on as well. I just cant understand it myself. It worries me that maybe he could be transexual but in denile. All he can remember is, he has never had much confidence, especially where women are concerned, never really liked himself, and dressing up aside being something that turned him on, also made him feel like he could be someone else, not himself anymore. He is now 35. it was when he reached 30 he took things a bit further in started doing it more often. Not just dressing up though, but actually shaving legs arms, painting nails, full make up, hopeing to pass as a female was the aim. He then started going out like it. Things started then going down hill with him and his wife. But he also has said that there sex life was practically non existant. So could it have been that that maybe pushed him that way? He did say that once at that time he did feel confused about who he was etc etc and was so miserable and depressed, This is why i am concerned that he could be transexual. His answer to this is when his wife had left him, he had the opportunity then to go down this road if he wanted to, but he never did and never dressed since. He also says that he is fully happy with his genitailier and doesnt feel female and has said to me that if he was a transexual he wouldnt be able to stand the sight of his own private parts. So is this right that he definatley would not be transexual? There are a couple of things that i have noticed that concern me, or maybe it is me thats looking too much into things. When he goes to the toilet, sometimes he sits down to urinate. I have asked him why he does this, and he says he hates it spraying every where. So when he is out some where, he doesnt use the mens urinals he always goes into the cubicle as he says its discusting, spraying every where. Am i reading more into things? Or does it seem there could be a concern? I am 30 years old havent had much luck relationship wise. I finally met someone who is great in every other way, but i am ready to settle down and do want children so i cant be wasting my time. Ive done too much of that. He is a very honest person and i know he wouldnt like to me, but could he be unsure about things?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Most transsexuals would want to be a complete woman but the cost of the operation is so exorbitant that not every transsexual will go for the sex change.
They have to have hormone injections or take it orally. Cross dressers do not take those hormones and it is more of a female clothes fetish.
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (19 April 2010):
I LOVE cross dressers. I think it's fascinating! I do.
But I'm a rare beast. Most women wig out at the thought.
Take it from this POV. It's no different than you wearing your bf's tee shirt and feeling sexy because he's "on" you.
Cross dressers find the idea of wearing women's clothes sexually charging. A true CD will never want to change sexes. He uses the clothes to get turned on because he can feel a woman's part of her on him. Her clothes.
Sure, he can stop dressing. Many do. But they are not as happy or as sexual. It's like telling you, go ahead, have sex but you can't ever touch your clit or use toys or anything. Just straight penetration. Not bad, in fact, enjoyable, but could be loads better.
Most men will eventually revert back to dressing. Doing it when you're not around. Hoping to god you never catch him. Hoping to god one day you accept him for who he is and let him do this and if he's lucky, actually LIKE it.
Stop taking it personal or as weird. It's a fetish like any other. Some guys like shoes/feet, some like boobs, some like necks, whatever...some are into bdsm, some into leather, latex, whatever...so many fetishes. This is just a harmless one, in my opinion.
Could be worse. He could be a total a hole. If this is your ONLY "complaint" I'd say get over it and move on. If it really disturbs you, tell him to do it when you're not around but should you 'catch' him just say, please change clothes and leave it alone. Don't berate or belittle him. Just accept him the way he is. He's had to accept you the way you are and I'm SURE you have a quirk (or two) he hates about you but loves you anyway. (we all have quirks other people find annoying. That's just life.)
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female
reader, April1 +, writes (19 April 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to Cerberus. I have said the same to him also that if it makes him happy then he should do what makes him happy. But at the same time i cannot help the fact that thinking or seeing a man in womens clothes is a big turn off. Especially someone who i am intermate with. I find him attractive because he is a man, so if he was to wear womens clothes and looked and acted femenine i think i wouldnt love him any less as a person but not in the way you should a lover, as its men i find attracted not women. But also he has said that it hasnt made him happy in his life as it has caused him nothing but upset. The urges for him wanting to are still there and he says that he wants to do al he can to get rid of it. I have said that he should perhaps be with someone that would be okay with him doing that. But he says regardless of whether we stay together or not, he will still do all he can to try and erradicate from his life. It worries me that maybe he could be in denile. Is this something that would never go away or is it possible it can?
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female
reader, April1 +, writes (19 April 2010):
April1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to Laura. No he said that he doesnt feel as though he would like to be a women or trapped in a mans body. He said that he is happy with his genitailier, if thats the correct word to use. He has said he doesnt know himself why the urges are there and hed give anything for them to go away. I think if you are transexual you feel unhappy with your private parts, ie feels wrong having a penis. Is that right?
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (19 April 2010):
It depends on whether he is just a cross dresser or a transsexual. Cross dressing maybe just a passing fad and he may give it up ,while a transsexual may find the temptation to go back to dressing up again. Transsexuals feel that they are a woman born in a man's body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): I'm not an expert on this but it sounds all wrong to me. There's nothing wrong with wanting to dress up, whether that's as a woman or a policeman or whatever. This guy has just been unlucky enough to meet women that can't accept him for who he is and would prefer that he live his life by their rules and according to their tastes.
He's now been forced to think there's something wrong with him and seek 'help' for something that's actually not a mental problem, I like feet, should I go and get psycho-sexual help because my partner is disgusted by the idea of me playing with her feet? or is she some kind of fool for accepting that I like her feet and putting aside her disgust and letting me play with them every once and a while?
I feel sorry for this guy, perhaps some day he will find someone that will accept him for who he is and not make him think that there's something wrong with him. Someone who will respect that this is just part of him, it's part of his life and above all it makes him feel comfortable and happy.
I absolutely hate my girlfriends S&M fetish, pain is not something I like to associate with sex and frankly I find it a turn off, but I will participate fully any time she wants because it's part of her, it makes her happy and above all I accept her for who she is and would never let on there's something wrong with it because there isn't.
Simple answer to your question, yes he can stop, will it deprive him of something that he loves to do? Yes. Will he be happy without it? Probably, although not if he feels guilty for even thinking about it because he's been convinced it's wrong.
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