A
female
age
30-35,
*earMyKiss
writes:Will try cut a long story short...I have known a guy all my life, we grew up together and drifted apart as we grew older. I still saw him on occasions and it just so happened that we both had feelings for one another. Things never got too serious (was hard to see each other when we wanted to due to work commitments etc) but I fell for him. Past few weeks I have had little contact with him which was not overly strange as we knew what the situation with us was. Last week I decided to admit to him I had stronger feelings than he knew about and that I was willing to commit to something more serious. I had text him this and asked to meet with him to talk about things. Much to my annoyance I have yet to hear from him regarding what I told him. I then found out the day after on Facebook (which I discovered he deleted me from) that he was now in a relationship. It hurt me so much knowing that he could not tell me himself and still has not told me himself for that matter and assumes I am still unaware. Of all the time we have known one another I truly thought I could trust him. Im now feeling mixed emotions between hurt and rage. I have no idea how to tackle this situation as I cannot get this out of my mind but I need closure because its driving me insane! Can anyone help with suggestions on how I talk to him about it or just manage to move on and forget about him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): The problem with so many people nowadays is they are too cowardly to tell someone something difficult to their face.They attempt to avoid confrontation and drama. Why bother to be considerate of feelings; when it's easier to post a public notice on Facebook. Tell this girl, obviously falling for you, that you're seeing someone else? NO WAY!You are not just some girl he just met, but a life-long friend. I'm afraid you may have been strung along; but sometimes it's hard to tell someone like you that he doesn't feel the same as you do. He did have some obligation to tell you he wasn't available, in all fairness.If he had, would it have changed how you felt about him? Probably not. These are feelings you developed over time.He had no real knowledge of your true feelings; until YOU SPRUNG IT ON HIM.It's unsympathetic to your feelings for me to tell you the easiest response, time will heal, move on, blah blah blah, etc.,etc.We can offer you a lot of feel-good rhetoric; but it will not change how you feel right now. This is when we have to force ourselves to heal. Taking into account you haven't done anything wrong; but technically he didn't either. It was a matter of timing. He was put on the spot. He took the coward's way out. He wasn't in love with you, has no romantic connection, and he can't control how you feel about him.There is a built-in mechanism in our psychological makeup that helps the pain from emotional/physical trauma to fade.In this case, nature takes it's course. The wounds are fresh; so the healing process will not be immediate. All you can do now is treat the symptoms to numb the pain.You get busy. Do the things you like to do. Pamper yourself and start doing things for you. Talk to your mom, sister,best girlfriend, grandmother. Cry your eyes out. Stomp your feet and scream.This will distract you from thinking about him, and will ease your frustration. All things happen for a reason. He was not really the person meant for you. So it is what it is.In a few months, you'll find someone else. He'll be just an annoying memory. The power is within you to get over this.Force yourself to heal. Allow the healing process to begin.Feeling rage over something you can't change is useless. You are very young, and this sort of thing happens to everyone over the course of a lifetime. This is part of your life lesson. It was not meant to be. You may have fantasized you would express your feelings of love and he would confess the same, and love would blossom. There is no fairytale, and reality hit you right in the heart.You sulk, get angry, and go through a full range of emotions until you face the facts. He doesn't owe you anything. You must create your own closure. He doesn't have to apologize for falling in love with someone else. Would you, if the situation was in reverse? Wish him well. He found love. Sorry it wasn't with you.Be strong. This is your transition from a girl to a woman.You are young and single. Make the best of it.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (11 April 2013):
I think you may have had unintentionally bad timing here and it sounds like he may be afraid of hurting you.
You also made the mistake of telling him that you "were willing to commit to something more serious". What you should have done is (without verbalizing it) began taking things more seriously... Arranged dates,made time, etc.
I'd say forget about him for now. Given your history I'd say you'll most likely have another chance on the future. I also wouldn't blame him for what happened (although he could have been more upfront with you) because he may not have know how you felt until it was too late.
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