A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here is my question. I realise it may offend some people but I am seeking advice for a problem like anyone else. I have feelings too and hope they count as much as the next person.My problem is with gay men, a few years ago my problem was not there. Over the last 6 months I have come to the stage where I can not watch T.V whilst men are touching and kissing each other. I don't feel violence towards these people, I just get a sick feeling in my stomach usually gag and sometimes I am physically sick.Usually I leave the room. At parties and the like I experience the same kind of thing, it's mainly brought on when I see physical contact. By that I mean I can see two gay guys talking and I don't have a problem, but once they start flirting and touching each other my reaction kicks in.Can anyone help me understand this reaction?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): I have been following this post and would just like to say the two ladies are bullying the poster.
It can be seen as nothing else. They have openly joined forces against this man.
No wonder one of them wants the thread deleted.
I would like to add. As with all bullies one is the follower and one the leader. It's up to them to decide which role they play.
As for the poster don't divorce your wife she just doesn't understand you that's all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Out of my depths.. never.. I always wear a safety belt... why do you think I'm having problems? I'm just waiting on the questions I asked to be answered.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): I see you brought your friend the 'Christian'. It's funny how she appears when you get out of your depth.
Tell me Fade have you read Genesis?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Damn.. now you've responded to me personally, I can't leave the question alone.
For some reason you keep watching gay men kissing on TV, this makes you physically sick. You shared your disgust with your wife, and she disagreed because she has no problems with homosexuality...
This argument has blown all out of proportion, and now you wife suggest you get therapy to get over your hate for other people. You don't think you need therapy, you think that anybody that has anal sex needs therapy, not you. You want gay people to get treatment to stop being gay.. Your angry and upset because your wife doesn't agree with you.
"She should be on my side"... so you think that when you married her, she should give up her own opinions and views and always agree with you. Why should she, why don't you change your views and be on your side. She's not a possession, she's not your twin. Like me and everybody else, she is entitled to her own opinion. If you can't stand the fact that some people are gay, if you can't stand the fact that some people actually don't mind gay people and can actually call them friends, your gonna have a rough time in life.
Divorce your wife, she will not and cannot change her views. Move out of Britain, where homosexuality is legal and accepted. Move to a country where women have to agree with everything their husband believes, move to a country where homosexuality is punishable by death. I think Saudi Arabia fits the picture perfectly. Move to Saudi Arabia, and then you can find an agreeable wife and we no longer have to watch gay men kissing each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): If you don't like watching men kissing, why don't you just turn of the TV. Your in Britain, so am I. I have male gay friends, I actually spent Christmas with some of them. I don't see a lot of examples of men kissing men, even when I'm around them. What are you watching on TV, where are all these gay men you see sharing kisses, what kind of programmes are you watching where you see these types of things?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): A man hater... funny suggestion that, but your entitled to your opinon, I've been called worse. You asked a question about why you have such a reaction and I gave you an answer based on my own opinions and judgements.
My response was intended for mrs female anonymous who wanted me to suffer shame for my morality. Which I refuse to do.
As I said, I had sympathy for your views until you started to attack your wife for disagreeing with you. If trying to tell a man he has no business trying to spread hate offends you, then unfortunately that's your problem not mine.
Your at your lowest ebb, why? You don't like gay people, but since your not in a gay relationship, why is this driving you so low. You argued with your wife and she has a different opinion from you, is this what makes you unhappy. Your feeling very bad, why, I really don't understand. Is it because you hate the way you feel and you want to start liking gay people. Why is the issue of what other people do in bed destroying your life?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Diovan LestatClearly you are trying to attack me whilst i'm at my lowest ebb, but with the help of a few of the other posters I can see your aim.Your first post starts with 'Gay men are a challenge to your masculinity'You come in with your teeth bared.The rest of the post is pretty much like fog sweeping in off the sea a disguise to your aim.Your following post.I go out with men not boys. Is again aimed to force me further into the ground. Again the fog surrounding it.You are a man hater period
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Ms anonymous, I don't get involved with men who are scared to loose their masculinity or anything else. I like men who are brave and courageous and can look after them self. Shame on me.. Only I can make myself feel shamed, I rule my morality not you, why not find somebody else to moralise too. I choose to be with men not little boys.
Sorry I didn't see the updated response from the orignial poster.. so not only do you hate gay people, but you want to spread that hate through the world. I was sympathetic when it was your private issue, but I have no sympathy for bigots who wish to force other people to share their views. Your wife likes people, you don't, why don't you just leave her and gay people alone. Sit alone and hate the world, but please do it alone and keep it to yourself.
You people that hate gay people are sexual addicts. I don't wonder what they or you do in bed, how come your so interested in their sex life. You should find something better to do than keep on thinking about the sex lives of your neighbours.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): You are vomitting because you are disgusted. This is a natural reaction to something that crosses your boundaries of moralitity.
Peoples limit's vary depending on many things, one being their gender.
Other things that might bring on this reaction are incensous relationships, paedophilia, rapists.
It's characteristic to want to turn away from what is within your view.
I think your wife was wrong to suggest you need therapy.
She needs to accept you have nothing wrong with you.
You need to accept disgust is different for every person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): im not really going to comment on your overall thread but i will say in reference to you saying your wife should be on your side... my god get over yourself! your clearly homophobic which is completely your choice but your wife DOES NOT need to agree with you just so you feel justified in your thinking... how you feel isnt that rare loads of men feel like that but why is it becoming an issue in your marriage? just stop talking about it! if you dont want to see it change the channel/ walk away or do the complete other extreme and watch some gay porn and desensitize yourself to the whole thing!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Diovan Lestat
So you wouldn't protect your partners/husband masculinity. You would allow it to be challenged/threatened. Shame on you.
I know my husband would protect my femininity and sexuality, and I would do the same for him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Fact Two men can not reproduce.What is the purpose of gay relationships. Sounds like you are finding out poster. To break up the natural order of things.A woman that doesn't back a male/male relationship is a rare thing.Why would your wife back gays instead of you? Why would her loyalty not lie with you?Simply because if they are not a man they must be on her side, and the more on her side the more power to her and the less power to you.Hang on in there pal, there is nothing wrong with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Gay men are a challenge to your masculinity. You think it's some kind of disease you can catch, you probably secretly worry that if they touch you, then you will become gay as well..
Being homosexual is not a disease, it just two people loving someone else. To your brain this sounds strange, how can two men love one another? In our western societies it is forbidden for men to share normal intimacy, but it's not like that everywhere. All over the world it is natural for men to hug, share kisses, touch body parts just as women do. These men are not gay, they are just normal human beings who know how to share and accept love. Now for various reasons all this has been stopped, men cannot be intimate with men friends because this must mean they are gay. I am a woman, I can kiss my woman friend, I can hug her, I can stand near her without any clothes on if we are in a situation where we need to change clothes. I as a woman am allowed to do this, I can even grab her breasts or slap her ass for a joke. Nobody thinks that me and my women friends are lesbians, why , because women are allowed to give and share affection with everyone.
The same goes for children. Women can touch and hold them, sit them on their laps. Men can't, men who try to show normal human love to children must be paedophiles.
So now we have a push and pull situation... straight men, who are forbidden to show gestures of love to the human race, and gay men, who are free to hug men and women, but are forbidden from hugging children. Enough to make any man confused, whether he is straight or gay. The challenge your sense of what it means to be a man, they are not like you, they are the "other", different, sick, maybe evil and perverted. Please notice I'm not judging you, it's not something your trying to do, it's a natural reaction, it's inbuilt prejudice.
Nothing you can do except remind yourself, that another man's love life is his own business, whether he is gay, straight, bisexual or doesn't have sex at all. What they do in the bedroom is no business of yours. Remind yourself that every human being deserves to be able to give and receive love. If two people, or any gender can kiss, cuddle or flirt, then it's all good, it helps to spread more love around the world. People in love are happy, happiness is good, if they are happy good luck to them, maybe you should fall in love too and learn to be as happy as them. Blessings, thanks for sharing your problem with us.
Your doing nothing wrong, it's just your brain and your emotions working overtime. As long as you do nothing or say anything to offend gay people, then you have a right to your thoughts, and you have a right to feel uncomfortable with people who you think (wrongly) are different from you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Hi nice kid
I've tried to give you more info but my efforts have been blocked by the moderators. I thought this might happen.
Thanks for your input I will bear it in mind.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 I think you are a touch homophobic. Understand that it is not contagious, it's a way of life for many men and women.
We all are who we are and we love whom we love.
If it upsets you then don't look. Look up homophobic, you might learn something.
I don't mean this post to insult you, many men have the same fear of gays.
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A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (28 December 2008):
 I am really against gay relations.. I feel sick of such people..I've always been criticized here for being like this..
But the difference between you and me is i ask such people go be out of my sight and the sort of image i have in my city, not many challenge me and subside..
You're completely normal.. Some tend to understand gays and some like you and me Freak Out.. Just ignore them, if possible.. Although i know you won't be able to, coz even I can't ...
G'day
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Hi I'm original poster. It's not that simple it is affecting my marriage.
My wife has suggested a therapist and we had a mighty bust up. With me saying I'm the one who needs therapy i'm not the one putting my dick up a man's bum.
She's not moved on her opinion, and now I feel she Is siding with two men all be it gay against me.
She should be on my side. I'm at breaking point.
Thanks for you reply anyhow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): I think i kind of felt the same way but against lesbians, i was in a chat room when a girl hit on me i went nuts and called her a dyke and told her to get her ass back to work at carpet court and all this other mean stuff u could imagine. My boyfriends mum is a lesbian and after meeting her i stopped teasing lesbians. Because i realised they are normal people with differant preferences, but the thing is were all differant some eat brussle sprouts others dont. Na what i mean
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