A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can anybody give me some advice to as why my ex abusive partner does not approach me when we split up and apologize even when he knows that he was in the wrong? We have had a stormy realationship for many years and he has been emotionally and physically violent, I am at the stage now where I can now live without him, I do admit that I do miss him sometimes but how come he never tries to apologize, well very rarely anyway. I know you will all say that I'm better off without him and I know that, but I would just like to hear other peoples' opinions about my question. thanks
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (5 July 2007):
 If he apologise to you he actually has to admit to himself that he has a problem and he might not be ready for that, there is no justification for what he has done to you and i don't agree with it, but i have looked at everyones opinions and just trying to see it from a different angle.
Take care.xx.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Only people with honor and integrity can offer up a sincere apology. You'll never get one from an abusive lout.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (5 July 2007):
 No body wants to see themselves as the bad guy and they will twist things and justify things to make sure that they arent the bad guy, at least in their own head. My ex husband was verbally, financially and sexually abusive. I had fears towards the end that he would be physically abusive, too, but he didnt . Well, he did hurt me, but he never hit me. Anyway, right after I filed for divorce and he was still living with me, we talked. We talked about a particually bad incident when he had physically and sexually hurt me (you know, I was just going to write what he did, but found even now it is just so hard to actually say it, even though it is only writing it anomonysly) and he stopped and looked at me and apologized saying he didnt realize how bad he had hurt me. He seemed very sincere and remorseful and I thought this was a breakthrough. A few days later, though, he came to me in the garden and said that I would never be able to prove it, I had deserved it, he was justified in what he did and I LIKED it! I was so devestated at what he said I layed on the ground and cried. Then I got angry and fearful and I took my son and left the house and didnt come back till the next day. I couldnt believe how he said he only did that because I LIKED him to. I was horrified and disgusted. But you take my point. He simply refused to admit, even to himself, that he was a bad guy. I could tell you more stories of him all along the same line. He blames me for everything that HE did. Dont expect an apology. He will never admit he did wrong.
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (5 July 2007):
 He is in denial with wat he did and didnt think he was in the wrong (like men do no offence to any men ok maybe the violent abusive types) its good u've moved on, ask yourself the most important question why do you want him to apologize? then move on from thatgd lk
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Most of the time when someone doesn't apologize is because they do not see anything wrong with their behavior. Therefore, your ex has a serious problem if he thinks that it is ok to emotionally and/or physically abuse someone, especially the woman he "loves". Until he realizes that he has aproblem the abuse will not stop so get out while you can, although you make think he loves you and will never really hurt you one day he may lose it and hurt you really bad, break an arm or give you a black eye or worst. Even though you may love him, love yourself enough to stay away.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Hi,
Always wondered about this myself. And this is my take on it.
They dont think they were wrong, plain and simple. I had a partner who was very violent and it took me years to get rid of him, and over him. My mates could not understand, why I put up with him. But unless you have been in that situation, you really dont know.
My ex then saw me out one night, and for the first time I wasnt affraid of him. He said he was really sorry and hadnt meant to hurt me. He seemed so sincere, and told me he also had cancer and was really ill. I felt so sorry for him, I forgave him.
Two years later the bloke is still alive and telling everyone who will listen, that I was a liar and he had never beaten me up.
The moral of this story is:
They are scum, and cowards, and dont care about the women they treat like dirt. So dont go looking for an opoligy, just be greatfull you are out of it and not in Danger.
Enjoy the rest of your life, and find a really great guy. There are lots out there you know.
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