A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been a serial monogamist - so how do I know I'm just not another woman he commits to for a short period of time ?! He says all the right things - and he's open to having children. He has told me he's "invested" ... We've been dating 6 months - serious for 4.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2013): The only way to know is to wait and see. It is likely that he himself may not even know at this point.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 May 2013):
 OP it's a risk you have to take if you want to take it
FWIW my husband was a total dog before we started.... used escorts, no real relationships in the past... the minute he fell in love at age 37 it was a done deal for him.
we married when he was 39 (his first marriage) he never wanted his own children so it's fine with us.
Yes people change when the right person comes along.
I would not be as concerned about a serial monogamist as I would about a serial cheater.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's never been married and no kids. He's 41. He did have an 6 year relationship in his 30s. He says she cheated on him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 May 2013):
 Count your Blessings that he has not been a serial "POLYGAMIST".... and get on with your life......
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 May 2013):
only time will tell.
does he have any diagnosis such as ADHD? if he does, be cautious about the relationship. ADHD is not just about attention but there is a huge social component and it impacts very negatively on relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Depends which stories you read about this kind of person. But to boil it down it is highly unlikely he will stop. There is a reason why he is doing what he is doing and he has to decide to change his ways. You are never going to be able to help with this. Past relationships is a good indicator of what kind of man he is. In my case my boyfriend had only two long term relationships since he started dating. He has the characteristics of such a person. Extremly loyal, eager to please. Always giving 150 percent in a relationship. Putting himself second many times to please me and so forth. I also choose him because he is extremely honest and trustworthy. By the very nature of your question you are skeptical. And rightly slow. Take things slow and see where they go. But be careful..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2013):
 You'll just have to wait, and see if this time he has more staying power. And, this may be old fashioned , but... you'll know that this time he means business when he asks to marry you. Not that a wedding is a guarantee of happily ever after, marriages may end up in divorce, but at least you know his intentions are real and he's putting his money where his mouth is.
Then again, you would have to wait anyway, I suppose.... Unless you really are considering to start making babies with a guy that you have been dating since barely 4 months, and who is still basically a stranger to you ? Don't tell me that, at your age, you would be toying with the idea, just because he says he is invested and says all the right things... Not that he must necessarily be a liar, but every word must be backed up by a corresponding action, which in his case is : sating invested, interested, monogamous and committed for an extended period of time. At least, " extended " in the sense of being longer, make it MUCH longer, than his previous short term flings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): Only time will tell. You're not young or naive enough to not know he says these things to every woman he's been with. "this time it's different, you're more special" etc. He may actually believe those things every single time too.
OP words count for nothing, only actions matter and the only way you'll know if this time things will be different is time. It's a risk.
Personally I wouldn't hold my breath though OP. A person's dating history is view into the person they are. A behavioural pattern such as never being able to settle down is very unlikely to change.
Unfortunately for you the only way you'll know is by taking the chance and seeing if it really is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2013): You don't know. If it turns out you are not the right woman for him, he will end the relationship. But he isn't going to know till he spends time getting to know you. Just because previous relationships haven't worked out, it doesn't mean yours won't. He may just be waiting for the right woman to come along, and he doesn't decide quickly whether or not a woman is right or not.Enjoy the journey, and don't invest all your heart until you know it is safe to. He will let you know by his words and actions. Six months is a promising amount of time, but still early days. So enjoy the unfolding of your relationship, and don't invest all your heart and soul in to it till he does. He will let you know. Has he been married before? If not and he marries you, then you'll know you are not 'just another one'. Does he have children ? If not and he has children with you, then you'll know you are not just another one.I have known many men that have dated a lot of woman, until they found that someone special...then, they never let her go.
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