A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In your opinion, can a man who has a history of random sex with random women in excess, ever actually grow up and fall in love, and stay satisified with one woman? I'm dating a man who is 37 and recently discovered he was extremely promiscuous in his late teens, early 20's and didn't have first girlfriend until his late 20's and his relationships have been for 5 and 2 year durations since then. He has never been married. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (25 June 2011):
yes they can change but what you really need to ask yourself is - do you think he has changed or do you think he will end up hurting you?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Yes, they can change.
But, do they want to change?
You cannot change them, no matter what you do, give, don't do, don't give, etc. You cannot change them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): I truly appreciate the various responses, so thank you all. Someone had mentioned whether or not he has been faithful in his three "committed" relationships and according to him he has. The fact that he is still friends with his 5 year ex and her new husband seems to provide a character reference for him. He is also still on good terms with her last girlfriend of 2 years which also seems to show that there was likely not any cheating. It appears that the serious promiscuity times happened in his late teens and early 20's during his 3 years in the marines as well as a year after that when he was working in another country. I'm not so sure it carried on much longer after his return to his home, though I am not naive enough at this point in my life to assume it stopped altogether. It is clear sex would mean something very different to somebody who does it all the time with strangers as opposed to somebody like me who takes it more seriously and prefers it within the confines of a relationship. I guess time will tell if we are too different in this area. Again, thank you for your input! It really helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): It is possible that he is slowly settling down and looking for something serious. Assuming he stayed faithful to the 2 and 5 year girlfriends, it sounds like he is trying to find something more meaningful. Lots of men sow their wild oats when they are younger, and then realise there is more to life.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (24 June 2011):
Keep in mind, a 20 year old's attitude to sex and relationships is different from a 40 year old's. However it is up to the individual, some mature and some don't. There are two sides to your situation. There is his actual behaviour, whether or not he behaves in a way that makes you think he is monogomous and trustworthy. The other side is your mistrust. It takes time to develop trustworthiness and trust, and the one doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the other.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): As an honest male. I would say no, Don't bet on it. Guys that are promiscuous often like to stay that way because they enjoy their sexual encounters and get praised by our American society and their buddies for doing what is both easy and natural to them. Let's face it, any habit is difficult to break and especially something that is as addictive as sex. It may be somewhat posible for him to change but it is very likely that will just end up with a broken heart. I would say look for a guy who has proven his loyalty in a past relationship. He will be more likely to truely love you and care for your future children becuase loyalty is not considered a ''cool'' triat for a guy in American culture, he has already proven that he cares more about doing what is moral over his personal ego.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Politically correct answer: Yes.
Realistic answer: Yes, but it rarely happens. And even when it does I don't think sex can ever mean the same thing to him again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Thank you ( : He has said he is and expects us to be monogamous at this point. I suppose it's just hard to believe that a person who once treated sex as casually as candy can somehow now see it at something to be shared with one person? I don't know, just trying to wrap my brain around that one.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (24 June 2011):
 I DO believe a formerly promiscuous man CAN change, you only get proof of it over time.
How does HE feel about monogamy?
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