A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: my question is Can a person really respect their partner if they are having an affair and go to each others houses to have sex?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): You give very few details. I can say that some people seem to think it's not cheating unless you get caught (I disagree though, but there is a practical side to it, it seems, to the cheaters of course.) It also happens that a person can treat the spouse with respect at home (at least apparently), be loving and detached at the same time, seem interested and so on and so forth, yet have a little diversion on the side. It is fair to think though the shamming can't go on forever and the deceived partner will catch glimpse at one point of what is going on but sometimes it is them who closes their eyes to the wrongness which is done to them usually because they are too comfortable in the marriage or don't want to start over again and what not. I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation where you have to struggle with having been cheated on and the fact you are left dealing with these turbid waters is not easy but you should start by asking your wife to tell you precisely what lead her to this choice because to cheat is always a choice. You both must have been mistaken somewhere if the situation has come to this point. It would be interesting to know if apart from her cheating your marriage has been going through a decline that was obvious or maybe she managed to hide the traces pretty well and you were tricked into thinking you were happily married. Either case, I don't know how late it is to start thinking of ways to fix the situation but it would be helpful to know how could this occur, if you think she is honestly repentant and how she could possibly even think to bring the person who she cheated with under the same roof as her husband, as this must be somewhat revolting. If she cannot even explain you what drove her to do this then I see little hope of being able to work on your marriage as you should. You should be able to communicate to a great detail in order to regain your peace of mind and for the peace of your household. Start with a calm and honest conversation and make sure you speak the same language. You will have to think if it is worth defending your marriage despite all, good and bad, and if you can put away all the hurt and resentment that you feel in order to mend what you had, make sure you both wish to start anew and put your full willingness into it. You should also try to come up with a new method because it seem what you have tried until now failed. Where do you think the chain of your happy marriage broke and how can you fix the loops? There is plenty of advice out there on the matter which you will have to personalise and adapt to your very own needs and situation. Best wishes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): As the male anonymous said below, it is utter disrespect that your partner brings his/her lover into your house to do stuff with. Again... INTO YOUR HOUSE. If that isn't a lack of respect of the highest order then what is?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): My wife brought her lover into our home we have been married 21 years i feel violated and angry how could they do this and still say she loves me and wants our marriage to work and she cannot even tell me the reasons why she has been unfaithful more than once the men she has been with have all been married and are still with their partners.The last one she was going to leave me for but she stayed and swears it wont happen again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Definately not. If your gf is doing or done it then youre in for a bad future. Most cases show its in their nature to enjoy affairs. She cant love you and would be angry if you did the same. Run fast. Any man she thinks attractive she will eventualy sleep with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): I cant, and if you can... WELL YOUR A BIGGER MAN THAN ME!!! especially if this is an ongoing thing. If it is I say you dump the hoe and move on cause it will eat you up inside and you will not be any good for anybody by the time this thing ends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Need more info. In most cases, no, unless you have an open marriage, and parties have agreed and abide to the terms. If not, you married a hoe.
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