A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex left me five months ago, he said it just might not work out. We have been together three years and he did this exact same thing a year ago, only he came crawling back four months after he left. I am a single parent (childs biological father is not involved at all) to a four year old. My question is.... Can a man so involved with my child really walk out for good? Why is he so scared? He was a great father figure, said he loved my child more than anything and before this an amazing boyfriend, we planned to marry in the near future... and we were going to move in with him in one month? Just a note... He always brought up marriage, moving in, and was the "emotional" one. I never pushed it. Plus, his brother is going through a divorce after just two years of marriage. He married a single mom..... She initiated the divorce and he is heartbroken. I am soooo confused and would love advice on what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Im sorry that yu are going through this and I can most definately see that you are thinking about your child. So ignore 'bugs' comment. The whole way through you talk about your child and I can tell your child is at the centre throughout your question. Yes you are a single mother and your child will come first but you are entitled to love and be loved also.
We can't really help you so much with this as he is the only one who knows what is in his head. I do not think that he has left just because his brother is going through a divorce. If he cared enough he wouldnt just leave. I think you need to find out where he wants to be and if it is not with you or your child then you need to try and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): When will people learn that children are very important.
You are thinking about that guy's brother's divorce,that guy being paranoid,your hurt feelings.
When are you going to start thinking about your child.
I assume he bonded with your child.Do you know how difficult would it be for the child when he walks away,comes in,walks away again?
Poster did you notice that guy is a male.Of course he will not think about the child.But as a mother,isn't your first duty to your child?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): Thanks for the input. I wanted to add that he has been basically ignoring me these past months. He says it would be too hard to hear my voice, and that it is overall just hard.... I am not sure how to talk to him. Should I just give him time??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): not trying to be an idiot, but i have to disagree with bugs... you have to understand that this man is watching his brother suffer through a divorce from a woman in similar circumstances to your own. look at it from his perspective. you are a single mom, who for one reason or another is not involved with the father of your child. his brother married a woman with the same issues. she broke his brother's heart after he took her and her kid in and supported them. a relationship is hard enough, without the strains that a child that is not your own can bring. he knows that you have committed in the past, and left the man. he knows he cares about you and your child, but because he fears that you might be using him (just as his brother's soon to be ex-wife did) - he is understandably wary. i am sure he is just trying to protect himself from heartbreak. imagine learning to love another man and his child, only to have him dump you and move on. you would miss the man, but you would also miss the love of the innocent child. maybe the only thing you can do to reassure him is to show that you are truly loving and committed, and will not turn away, or make irrational ultimatums when he and his family are facing tough times. show him that you are a different and better person than the selfish woman that married his brother. i think that he might be thinking of his, yours, and the child's welfare by staying away. perhaps he realizes that he can't trust you because of what he has seen with his brother. perhaps he is just going cold turkey because it would be too painful emotionally slowly go through this with a woman and child he loves, but can't be with...
give him time. let him know you love him. and maybe it will work out. but maybe not. some guys just can't handle a single woman with a child. that child represents the fact that you are willing to procreate with a man, but then leave him. regardless of your circumstances, remember that he can't help but see this.
best of luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): Put yourself aside.Think of the child.The child has to put up with a guy who has not been consistent with his feelings.
Ask yourself,"Should my child go through this nonsense?"
The question you asked us will be answered.
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