A
female
age
,
*alani
writes: I have been with my husband for 18 years, who never wanted to get married in the first place. He was and is a player ever since I had met him. When I gave him an ultimatum. he married me after dating for 10 years. Anyway, He had many affairs before and after the marriage. He is like a proffesional liar and a cheater. He hides his evidences very well, but I found rceipts like a hotel bill, phone calls, and restaurant receipts. We are suppose to get way for our anniversary to a fancy hotel, (He is trying to book a nice place), but I found unfamilar phone calls recently and it shows "withheld". What is this mean?. I have very strong intuition about him "Cheating" at this time, but why is he trying to be nice to me, at the same time. I guess I let him have his way all these years. It seems to me, he wants to keep his beautiful wife at home who gives him sex and attention regularly, but wants extra excitement outside the home at the same time? Is he normal or sick? I'm thinking about divorcing him, because I can't sleep at night. Any thought? Help!!!
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affair, anniversary, liar, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kalani +, writes (25 July 2008):
Kalani is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I'm finally fed up and wants to change. The main reason for not moving on is the Children. I don't want to give "Emotional" baggage to them. (age 13, 16 ) I feel selfish if I have divorce now. So, I'm considering I'll put with my unfaithful husband until my children turn 18 years old.
I also made an appointment with a doctor to see if I have anymore STD diseases other than herpes that he gave me. I'm also going to check on HIV. I will not have any sex with my husband without condoms. Right now, I can't touch him in bed. He is sensing something, but not reacting. He is playing it cool and be extra nice at the same time. Meanwhile, I have a personal trainer and I'm looking good!!!
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 No, he's not normal. But no, he's not sick either.
A few, a very few men can manage to do this sort of thing without feeling any less for their partners, and a very few, even fewer, wives can accept it and put up with it.
If he's been doing it for the eighteen years you have been together then the chances are that he's not suddenly going to leave you for some other woman. Equally, if you expect him to change now then it's just not going to happen - you've left it far too late to try to change his behaviour, and it seems a little odd that now, after all this time, you suddenly start thinking about divorcing him when it's been happening all along.
Has something changed? Why now? I thoroughly understand why you wouldn't accept such behaviour - most people wouldn't accept it from their partners - but why now?
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Oh wow
I would never be able to be with someone like that at first place! I need my man to be only mine. I cant share !!! But thats me. You are obvioulsy more open minded than I am (or probably most women) .. I would kill him 20 years ago for this :)
Anyway..you should be definetely sure that he is healthy and has no STD, because if he goes out and sleeps with anyone he wants ... and you still have sex with him on regular baces .. than thats creepy!!!! He can even go with a prostitute or any other "cheap" girl .. and you never know what he can get .If I was you, I would have myself tested every month of a year!
I dont know how you did it for 18 years, but I sure know I would not be able to stay with him for 2 hours!
I think you deserve much better than to be with a cheater and liar, that doesnt give a damn about you and knows he can spin you areound any direction he wants to and you will be still that good little wife thats waitting at home with warm dinner and open legs ... FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU SHOUDL BE TREATET!
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): What fascinates me about your post is that you seem to have absolutely no care regarding your own sexual health. You are sexually active with your husband and yet you seem to be almost'accepting' that you may not have an exclusive relationship. This man is not going to change.... however I think you need to. Are you so shallow that after everything him taking you to a nice hotel will solve or make up for the relentless cheating. Whatever your feelings for him please, for the sake of your own self worth, find a decent man.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 'withheld' simply means that the person calling you has turned caller-id off, it is either done as a privacy measure or for companies when the internal number the call is made from is not supposed to be the number people call.
By itself, it means nothing. It is just a privacy option people use because it is OH so handy not to be able to call them back or identify them when they are calling.
He is not sick. He is a guy who made it fairly clear what he wants and went out and got it. If anyone is sick in this relationship it is you. You married a guy who kept you on a leash for a DECADE while you KNEW he was seeing other women.
Come on, did you really think he would change?
Of course he is nice to you, you catch more flies with honey then with vinegar. He probably cares for you enough to want to continue the relationship BUT on his terms. You apparently seem to hope that if he is 'nice' to you (and if he was really nice he wouldn't be cheating) he can't be nice to anyone else.
So basically, the answer to the headline is yes. Although women can easily be the same. The question that you should ask is wether you are willing to put up with it.
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