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Can a man and a woman be friends when he finds the woman attractive?

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Question - (24 October 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 25 October 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Can a Man and woman truly be friends especially after the man says that he finds the woman beautiful?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks - nice to have male perspectives

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (25 October 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI believe you could be friends. Provided each one knows what and what not to do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008):

short answer is it's tough, long answer is define 'friends'. if he is respectful & a straight guy & u r attractive EXPECT him 2 signal that he's interested. if u do not take him up on this & if he remains respectful & u 2 don't act wierd then what's the harm. just becoz u r friends doesn't mean he can't be attracted 2 u.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Do you think we can be friends even though he finds me attractive. We are business partners and he is extremely supportive.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (24 October 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI'll take the side of the man. He shouldn't make a pass at a married woman, granted. No question there.

I hope no one takes offense because that's rarely my purpose. Quite often, a woman (or a man) is in an unhappy relationship, marriage or not, but stay in it because nothing better appears. Then, somebody comes, and they test the waters. Many cases of cheating started this way, if not most. This is playing with fire, yes. Just as the man shouldn't hint his interest, the woman shouldn't act on that interest, or shouldn't accept it, either.

That said, I guess the best advice we can give is not just to say that this is the wrong thing to do. I guess the best advice is that the poster needs to check why she is interested in the other man, whether she can save her marriage, whether she'd better leave, et cetera. There's a problem here, and it won't get solved just by not giving in to temptation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Great to get all your thoughts. Thanks - will keep everyone posted.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

I can breathe a sigh of relief.None of my friends ever made a move on me.Thats what this is called.He just didn't think you are beautiful.He is making a move on you.As Anon rightly said he is waiting for you to become vulnerable emotionally.Eyes!Great hit!you need to ask yourself what do you want from this guy.A marriage happy or unhappy doesn't deserve to be cheated on.Take care dear.Please keep posting.We are always here!!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (24 October 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntI think you just might be playing with fire my dear. What EXACTLY do you want from this guy?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

okay, well he has basically given you an "invitation". He told you that he is interested, but it is now in your hands if you want to pursue or not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks everyone for the responses. He is single and I am in an unhappy marriage. He has said that he would never cross the line as long as I am in a committed relationship but has said that I am beautiful and we are a lot alike. What are your thoughts?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

Yes but only after he as had sex with her.

Seriously. A man already in a committed relationship could be friends with an attractive woman, but a single man, i don't think so. Sooner or later he would have to make his move or wait like a wolf in sheeps clothing until she was emotionally vulnerable and hope she turns to him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

Yes, it is normal and natural. Some people are more attractive then others. Finding somebody of the opposite gender attractive does not mean that you have to be physically attracted to them. Somebody can be attractive but that does not mean there is attraction(chemistry).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

Daniel thats exactly what I was thinking after reading Guillame's answer.I have many guys as friends.Many of them have told me on my face that am pretty.How on earth am I going to face them henceforth(sic)

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (24 October 2008):

Danielepew agony auntYes, they might. Particularly if the man has an use for his brain. You may find someone extremely hot, and yet know that she isn't for you. When you realize of that, you still feel the attraction, but don't act on it.

Are you wondering if you can keep a man as a friend now that he's told you he finds you beautiful? Perhaps. But that's a different question, really.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008):

No No.Lets be honest here.They can keep a distance for sure.But the fact that he found her beautiful is never going to go away.If she likes him a little more than a friend its a definite high for her as well.But at times there are men who give compliments all the time with out meaning anything by it.It may be an innocent remark as well.Depends on whether he is the calm and sober types or the flirty type who flirts with anything in skirts.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (24 October 2008):

Yes, if they keep their distance and respect their partners.

However if they start getting close, his wife will probably tell him not to see her again.

Good Luck!! xx

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