A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I am a 44 year old man who fell in love with a 49 year old man. He has been in several long term relationships, but since the last one broke up 4 years ago, he has really fooled around a lot. I mean a lot. He's on all the hookup web sites (I've seen his profile), and he goes to circuit parties and told me he had a lot of much younger lovers (he's got big muscles, so the younger dudes like that). Anyway, he says he wants to be with me, that he no longer wants to be a bachelor, and that I do more for him than any of his numerous lovers. It's been 2 months and it's getting serious quickly. I know he's not going on those web sites anymore (his profiles are inactive), but somehow I can't shake that he might want to go back to those ways. I myself never went to gay bars (even though I live in a huge city with a ton of them) and never liked the idea of having a lot of lovers. I just would rather go without. So, I'm having a hard time feeling comfortable that he can be faithful and not want that old life. Does anyone know of a case where party boys have settled down? It's just hard for me to understand because the party boy mentality is so far from my own. He has given me absolutely no reason to mistrust him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, in case anyone ever reads this, years later I can tell you what happened. For four and a half years, it was wonderful. We were very happy, and full of love for each other. Everyone who knew us envied our relationship--and we weren't showy, just always taking care of each other and deeply in love. Then, about four and 1/2 years into it, he met up with an old friend who had a new club drug. By now the honeymoon passion in our relationship had faded and we were comfortable with each other. I thought that was nice--not like a rut, but we felt secure and I thought he was good for me. But He started going out, a lot. He started seeing his family less and started staying out very late (like until 8 PM--that's PM, not AM). It was very hard for me. Our little relationship was no longer as interesting as endless nights in clubs on drugs. After a few months of that, we had our first big fight (over drugs, which he brought on our vacation when I asked him not to). He turned on me quickly--he was unhappy and I was the cause of it. I didn't change, at least to my knowledge. Only going out clubbing mattered. He dropped me quickly, and cold-heartedly, by sending me an instant message (after now five years together). An instant message. It broke my heart and he has quickly moved on. So, for a while he forgot about club life, but was lured back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): If you don't trust him no amount of advice will help. In my case I was a party "girl". However I outgrew that phase by the time I hit 30. Only he can stop himself. If you force him he will resent you. So play it calm and lay your cards on the table. If he truly loves you he will see why he should do it. If he doesn't let him go.
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A
male
reader, thruxton +, writes (1 February 2011):
 As Steve Harvey recently said, "a man will not stray when he realizes what he has is so precious that he could not risk it."
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