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anonymous
writes: Hello, I had been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. He has cheated on me twice. Once when we very first started seeing each other with his ex, and last weekend with some girl he didn't even know and can't remember what she looked like. We had, had an argument and he was out in the club I went to see him and my friends, we talked but he kept getting mad at me and said he would rather stay there than sort it out. So I left. About 10 mins later my friend found him with this other girl. I was devastated. I confronted him and he apologised said he only did it because he was angry and felt caged in by me. He said he wants to stay together and he loves me, but how can I ever believe anything he says. The past few days he hasn't left my side, even though we are no longer seeing each other. I said we could still be friends. I feel repulsed though when I think about it and that seems to be all I can think about. Help!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): People make mistakes! And people learn from them. People say once a cheater, always a cheater. But, give me a break...people can change! Some people actually do regret things that they have done. Especially if it is out of their character.
Yes, it would be difficult to trust the person after what they have done. So you need to decide if you are willing to attempt to trust them again. It is risky. But do know that some people are genuinely sorry for the things that they have done.
I have made a mistake myself. And it costed my the girl that I truely love. It has been hard to accept that it is over. But I need to respect her decision. But I do know that the pain I have felt will prevent me from doing such wrong acts again.
Just be encouraged that sometimes the good in people should not be overshadowed by the bad. For me, I have been cheated on. But deep down I knew that person wasn't a great person. And to this day, she has done the same thing on several other guys. I think if you look deeply into what the person is all about, you will know if they are a good person or an evil person on the inside.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2005): Move on. If he meant anything to you in the first place, it wouldn't have happened.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2005): I AM AT THE SAME POINT YOU ARE ME AND MY BOYFRIEND WERE ENGAGED AND WE HAD BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FO A YEAR AND A HALF. I DIDNT KNOW IF I REALLY WANTED TO BE WITH HIM ANYMORE , SO I MADE PLANS TO MOVE OUT AND I HAD TOLD HIM THAT THINGS WOULD SOON BE OVER. DURING THIS PERIOD HE STARTED TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE, THEN OUT OF NOWHERE I AS WELL AS HE WERE BOTH HAPPY TO BE TOGETHER AND WE DECIDED TO STAY TOGETHER. HE ENDED THINGS WITH HER BUT NEVER TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF IT. ONE DAY WE WERE OUT SHOPPING FOR ME A NEW SWIMSUIT WHEN SHE CONFRONTED THE BOTH OF US. IT HURT ME SO BAD THAT I HAD TO FIND OUT THAT WAY. BUT SINCE IT ALL CAME ABOUT BECAUSE I WAS LEAVING HIM, I MADE THE CHOICE TO TRY TO FORGIVE HIM. I KNOW THAT I MADE HIM FEEL LIKE I DIDNT LOVE HIM AT ALL AT THAT TIME. THINGS WEARNT COMPLETLLY OVER WITH US BUT HE THOUGHT THEY WERE SOON GOING TO BE. FORGIVING IS THE HARDEST THING IVE EVER HAD TO DO. BUT I DONT THINK I RELIZED HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM UNTIL THIS. NEITHER ONE OF US KNEW THAT WE HAD UNTIL WE HAD BOTH THROWN IT OUT THE WINDOW. YOU DO WHAT YOU FEEL. YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS RIGHT WHATEEVER THE CHOICE MAY BE BUT DONT PUT UP WITH IT AGAIN. EVERYONE DESEVERS ONE CHANCE BUT NOONE DESERVES A MILLION.
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reader, pops +, writes (29 June 2005):
people earn their friend's trust every day. You can't do this hit and miss. Your BF cheated on you after a minor spat. I suspect he did not see it as minor. But, he obviously does not want to lose you. You two have to have some long talks about who each of your are, and what you want in a relationship. How could he stray so quickly? Has he no self control? What does he want from you? Are you willing to give it to him, no matter what? If not, is he willing to accept less? You might seek profesional help. Contact your mental health societies, or agencies for referrals. I am not a big fan of seeking the advice of a priest of minister on these kinds of matters. I don't find most people are really comfortable talking to their priest, raby or minister about such personal matters, and the two of you are going to have to have some very open, blunt discussions. After six years, you would think that the two of you would already know how to argue, and make up, without blowing the relationship with a third party. pops
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A reader, nicola, writes (4 March 2005): I really know how you feel. It hurts so much. When my hubby cheated on me my life fell apart. It feels like 6 years was nothing to him to do what he did. I still love him with all my heart. You go with you heart girl, and good luck. nicola
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