A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need someone else's perspective on my situation. I met my brother's friend 4 years ago at a bar. Nothing happened but I was attracted. As they both are in the army, our paths crossed briefly over the years but nothing went further than just friendly encounters...... Until, he picked my up from the airport and we exchanged numbers incase he came to my state for work.So with exchanges in phone numbers, we have been in contact on and off for the past year. He texts me and then rings. We always end up having phone sex. I really like him and am attracted to him, but he always wants to keep things casual and secret.I thought it was casual, but he rings daily, even serveral times a day... to me that isn't casual. I don't know if he is scared of commitment and wants me to take charge or if he's just a player and uses me to get off and then gets on with his life. We currently live in different states and haven't been intimate.What should I do?
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exchanged numbers, phone sex, player, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (2 July 2009):
Sadly, I think hes using you. If he wanted more then he woudlnt be behaving in the way he is. Sure he contacts you alot, but some guys are willing to give you fake signs to give you false hope which makes you hold on- so basically they do certain things (such as contacting you alot) to make you beleive the yreally care, when in actual fact they dont. If he wanted more, then trust me, he woudlnt be keeping you a secret and having phone sex with you.
The question is, are you prepared to put up with a guy using you any longer? It soudns to me like you dont want it to be just casual phone sex, you want it to be more. If this is the case then you need to talk to him about it. Atleast this way yo uwill not for sure how he feels. Dont be put off talking to him about it in fear you will scare him away- because a genuine guy who truly cares would not be scared away by a girl wanting more then casual phone sex.
Put him to the test, if he fails, then move on from him, hes not worth your time!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): Sometimes you come across men who just want phone sex...
no matter how much you want to believe it is more...all they really want is satisfaction!
You believe...you tell yourself it is more, but in reality
that's all it is. I hope your situation is different
but be cautious and pay close attention to details!
Maybe you will get the answers you looking for.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (2 July 2009):
 Distance relationships can be tough going at the best of times. This guy may like you or he maybe just addicted to phone sex - it saves him ringing a premium rate number for kicks doesn't it? I don't mean to be harsh but his secretive behaviour doesn't really indicate that he is that interested in a proper, serious relationship. He may feel awkward since he knows your brother, but it doesn't sound like you have been on any proper dates as such. While I try to be open-minded, phone sex without a proper relationship (even a distance based one) just sounds a bit pointless and seedy. There is only one way to find out his intentions - stop having phone sex when he initiates those dirty conversations. Tell him how you feel and what sort of relationship you want - if he is interested then he will jump at the opportunity, whereas if he is just a player he will wander onto his next victim.
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