A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question that might seem stupid and the answers are quite obvious but I want others opinions. Well i started to go out with this amazing guy I've known for a while and I fell for him completely. We seemed like the perfect couple at first but a couple weeks later things began to fall apart. We go to separate schools and live quite busy lives. My parents are extremely strict and his mom has been really strict with him lately. We hadn't seen each other in a while and the day after our one month I noticed he had changed and was somewhat down. I asked and he said its his mom and he cant stand her and he just wasn't being himself. I don't know why but for some reason I thought he didn't like me anymore before I knew his situation and asked him if he wanted to take a break because i didn't want him to worry much about a relationship until he felt better. He was confused and just overwhelmed. Him and I broke up a couple days ago and I really cant stop thinking about him. I recently spoke to him and he is still feeling down and i cant help but flirt and I really want him back. Before we broke up he said our relationship wasn't the cause and he just broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt me anymore. He puts himself down and i hate seeing him like this. I don't know what to do. Should i try to hang out with him and make him feel better or give him his space? I'm confused and just feel like he has lost total interest in me which makes me feel down. I also want to know if it was wrong of me to lie to him and tell him i felt happy even though I've been feeling like crap. I apologize for the length and any advice is greatly appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): reply to Original Shiraz! and anonymous writer
Thanks for the opinions. I totally understand where you are all coming from. Things are doing pretty good. we are still friends nothing more but he seems happier and I'm happy for him ^_^ again thanks
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Guys have sensative egos. When you ask a guy if he thinks you should take a break when he is having a seperate problem the only thing he hears is "I don't like you as much as you like me". We are not deep enough to think that maybe she is just being considerate of my situation. And when a guy is bummed cause the relationship is not doing so well and you lie and say your doing just fine or are happy, that makes them feel more insecure and guys deffinitly don't want to be the more needy one in the relationship. Be more direct with the poor kid, stop sending him mixed messages or expecting him to read your smoke signals. Tell him, you think he is amazing and tell him you keep thinking about him and have been miserable since you broke up.. It's important for a guy to feel needed and wanted. Male egos are more important than girls think. Good luck kid.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (9 May 2009):
I think that maybe he needs his space as his head and heart arent in a relationship right now, of any kind so dont take it personally like its a dislike and sudden change of heart to you because i dnt think it is, people find it difficult to control their personal lives and sometimes it becomes too much especially with guys as they find it hard to show emotion as if they cry its seen as weak so they just shut off from everyone and everything. i know its difficult for you but try to quit the flirting and if that means no contact for a bit then maybe its a route you should consider? hes got issues at the moment and hell have a lot of respect for you if you dont tangle yourself into it. Im not saing cut off and never look back as he probably needs someone right bnow but for all the wrong reasons, he might just want love so be there for him but not in that way if you know what i mean?He needs a mate right now. You should be honest with him about how you are feeling, although hes not stupid im sure he can see that your not ok, you should use the support of each other and see where you go from there, dont jump too soon learn from past mistakes. If you love someone then usally your never supposed to let them go but somtimes you have to let them go in order for them to find themseleves, its something they need to do on their own and you can love them with all your heart but your doing it for them. The descion is yours, make the right one. He needs you but not the way you need him. Im sorry your feeling crap its one of those things where your feelings are forgotten but it doesnt mean hes stopped loving you, hes just got problems that he needs to sort in his own way, some that will come before you. Best of luck
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