A
male
age
36-40,
*dam001
writes:Im writing is as I am in need of help and advice ASAPBasically me and my girl split up 2 weeks ago. We've been together for nearly 3 years, in that time we have split up 3 times. I truley love her and am certain she loves me. Up until a week before she ended it things seemed great, she was suggesting things about house's and mortgages.Well like I said 2 weeks ago, I kept asking her if somthing was up and she eventually told me that she was having doubts about us. She came to the decision that because she wanst sure about us and that she said she doesnt want to be tied down to someone, she decided it best we leave it.I was devistated. This time round I have been much stronger and not kept contacting her, telling her how much i love her or waking her with those drunken phone calls after a night out. I had stopped all contact, until I got a message from her, which was strange because usually its always me who contacts her after we split.The message basically said that she had the 2 tickets to the concert we had booked for valentines day, and that her friend didnt want to go with her, so she said I could have them. I suggested that we both go to the concert and we did.On the way up there she said to me "so what happend the other night then" reffering to when she ended it with me. I said well i thought you ended it? She said well it felt like you gave me no choice. I said what are your feelings now then, are you saying you still want to be with me? She hesitated and said that it felt better this time round not being together. A few minutes later she held my hand and told me she loved me, and held my hand all the way to the concert. She kept asking me "you know i love you right" i said yes i love you too.I said it seems like you want to meet me in later life, she hesitated but basically agreed. I said its really sad for me because im not going to wait around. I said this but i truley love this girl and as much as it makes me an idiot i probably would end up getting back with her if thats what she did.After the concert on the way home we ended up having sex. I had to fight my hardest on the way home not to keep probing and asking questions about us, and I didnt. I dropped her off home.I havent really got anyone to talk to about this matter and it truley is screwing me up. I just wondered could anyone at all offer me any advice what to do.I feel like i want to text her or message her, but dont know if I should.I really feel like she is the one for me. I have had a few relationships, but nothing makes me feel the way this girl does. And I believe her when she says nothing makes her feel the way I do.I dont know whether to ignore her completely.Any advice at all would be a help. Most days I sit around work and home and all I can think of is her, it often ends up bringing a tear to my eye.Thanks for your time.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 hi
you guys need to stop running around in circles, chatting and telling how much you love each other but cant be together thing is not gonna break this circle. until you can be honest with each other and agree to move on. otherwise you will never be able to bridge the gap you already have, which is "communication" what you are experiencing is lack of communication, you are afraid of texting her because you dont want to push her, she buys tickets instead of inviting you straight she hide behind a friend's excuse. who is fooling who?
learn to be straight with each other because if you continue this circle one of you is bound to get hurt, especially you because you seem to be controlled by what she feels. she has made it clear she doesnt want you anymore loving you or not. accept this and move-on as hard it may be, you have a life to live, goals to reach. if she truly loves you but afraid of commitment maybe one day she will mature and realised the love she lost, maybe then you will get back together if you are still into her. but right now this relationship is over and for your sake forget her, get your life back together.
i know all you want is to be with her, does she want to be with? you want the relationship to continue, is she willing to try again? the answers to these questions is no. i think she is just stringing you along until she can find someone she is happy with.
you love her and she loves you too because she cant just switch off her feelings, which means in this case she realised love is not enough to make it work, and she is the only one who need to be open enough and tell you why she feels that way. this is your life and you owe it to yourself to break this circle if you want to be happy. if she is the one why is she playing you this way?
jovial
A
female
reader, luvme247  +, writes (22 February 2007):
 I would suggest that you stop telling her that you love her & miss her. I think that if she wants a break, then you should give her one. If you continue to hold hands and have sex & tell eachother how much that you want to be with eachother, then you are only going to be left confused as to why you are not together. Leave it be for awhile & give her some space. Allow her to miss you. If it is meant to be, then you will be back together in time. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): Look, you are talking about houses and joint mortgages. Would you entering into buying a house without legal advice? Without a professional appraisal? An inspection by a licensed inspector? Doesnt really matter if you would because a bank wont let you- there are just somethings in life where it make sense to pay the money and get professional advice. Saves you a lot of expense and headaches later on. This is the same thing- you guys can spend the next two years breaking up and getting back together, wondering if its a mistake etc etc. Or you could go see a couples consolor and get a professional assesment. Then you'll have some facts to go buy and a dispassionate opinion to consider as you make your decision.
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A
male
reader, Adam001 +, writes (22 February 2007):
Adam001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all again for some more great advice. I am taking into account what everyone is telling me. In the back of my mind I think I should just leave her alone and not speak to her, but then I keep thinking well what happens if I can some how salvage the relationship by contacting her. Been tearing my hair out on what to do. I heard from her again the other day via text message and it was just to get one of my female mates number. I sent her the number but explained that I felt crap beacause the only time I hear from you is just to get a friends number, no "hello" "how are you". I have spoken to her before the text and she messaged me on myspace, I sent one back but couldnt help telling her that I missed her so much. She said the same. After sending another one back to her, I didnt hear back from her.
I gueniunly belived this girl loved me, a true love, but im now stuck in limbo as to what to do now, should I just leave it and carry on as normal or contact her? Any advice.
Thank you all so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): This isn't what you are going to want to hear, but you have to forget about her. I had basically the same situation with a guy. After we broke up the last time we have had sex and he has told me he still loves me, but he has also been dating around and moving on while I've been hanging on. I've done this for 7months and I am destroyed. Cut your losses now and move on! If she doesn't want to BE WITH YOU now, she's not going to.
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A
male
reader, Adam001 +, writes (16 February 2007):
Adam001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm kind of in 2 minds about what to do now, shes made it clear she wants not to be with me and be single, but I dont know weather to leave it and not text/call her, she if she comes round, if she doesnt then it wasnt meant to me or text her / call her and let her know how i feel. she allready does know how i feel and ive told her time and time again. im thinking i should maybe leave her. i just dont want her to get the impression i dont want her any more. thanks a lot guys / gals really good info here.
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A
female
reader, Contagisblondnes +, writes (16 February 2007):
I say, give her another chance. The doubts that she had about your relationship - I don't know what they were, exactly, and maybe you don't either. But when you're in a relationship, you have a different mindset than when you are not.
Being apart might just be what you two needed, to let you both know how much you are supposed to be together.
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A
female
reader, love_life +, writes (15 February 2007):
She wanted you to aked her to the concert. I doubt she even asked a friend. She just wanted you to ask so she wouldn't have to. It sounds like she really missed you.
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A
male
reader, Adam001 +, writes (15 February 2007):
Adam001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your speedy answers.Im think your both right and I should leave her be, if it happens it happens if it doesnt then it doesnt.The hardest part for me will be not saying anything about us or how we used to be and if we ahve a future. She doesnt seem to like it when I talk about that when were not together. Its just so hard going from lover to friend.One thing that i have noticed is that when we broke up in the past we seemed to get stronger the next time.Its amazing how speaking to people on here and talking about it is making me feel better.Thank you so much
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): Jst give her time - if it is meant to be she will come back to you. Try to concentrate on yourself for now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): It seems that she is having second thoughts, maybe the thought of settling down just scarred her. But you can't keep breaking up and then making up, it's just going to change the dynamics of the relationship in the long run. I think you should be there for her, but don't let her walk over you, set the boundaries of your friendship and let her come to you. She's the one who broke up with you, she has the chance to come back, but let her make that decision on her own.
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