A
male
age
36-40,
*T
writes:Hi,I have been into relationship with my girlfriend for the last four years.I never knew( neither she told me ) that indirectly i told her to do stuff she doesn't want to do ( like going out with guy friends, talking to unknown guys on phone, taking part in public dance shows).I did all this unintentionally thinking that its for her benifit....in a nutshell it was over protective and possessive for her.. we hardly fought in the past 4 yrs..most of the time we talked on phone only..We made future plans , even started considering each other husband wife..but last year after i joined a job i was not able to give her the same time as earlier..though i used to call her thrice everyday ...In feb 08 she participated in a dance show after which a guy called her saying he wants to be friends with her...she did met him a couple of times and continued talking with him, without my knowledge.....in september ( through one of her friends) i came to know about this....I confronted her and she told me everything and also told she didn't find it bad and that she didn't tell me cause she thought that i will feel bad....after this i told her many harsh things and had a bad fight with her ( for the first time ) she kept telling me...that her intentions were clear.....that guy even proposed her but she refused him.....when i calmed down( the same day we fought) i felt sorry and i consoled her and we started talking again .......In november my galfiernd joined a job.....she also got sort of busy.....since we are in different cities i went to meet her twice in november 2008.....( this was the first time we were meeting after that sepetember incident)...i dont know why but to make everything clear i asked her the same thing ....she felt very bad about this.....then on phone also i asked her these things couple of times......we argued and every time felt sorry and continued talking...I was always in impression that whatever happens between us “OUR RELATION is intact”.......Even we have plans to marry in coming year.........She even talks to my parents as future daughter-in –law.......But suddenly in December everything changed.....She had her bday on 20th dec......i was about to go there but she told me that she has some official work so i canceled my trip.......A day before her bday i called her to make everything between us clear, i wanted her to enter her new year without any tensions.......But she hesitated to talk and again the same topic came....and we had a small quarrel......i wished her happy birthday and on the next day also i called her in the night but she didn’t pick the call.....and when she picked after 50 calls we again fought.....( i didn’t know why this happened).....After that she stopped talking to me for 2 days and on the third day she told that she wants to finish this relationship...she no longer can bear this and she also told got a call from the same person.....in a vein i went to meet her , i was surprised at her sudden change in attitude......she suddenly became so strong...she was speaking hard words.....she also told that a day before her bday she met that guy( who came to see her!!!)She even talked to him in front of me..........I saw some “love you” messages in her mobile.....She told me that she need some time to be alone....she wants to stay alone.....i told her its our issue why this third person is getting advantage........?But she told me no one is getting advantage.......and she has asked him to stop sending those messages......On 28th dec she told me she doesn’t want to come back to me and even if she will come that will be a compromise........She has even stopped talking to my parents.....she even didn’t call me on New Year....Her friend did call me and told me that she was asking about me...I never wanted to hurt her.........our relation was always perfect.she used to love me so much...care me so much and suddenly these things are happening....I don’t know why this is happening....what should i do.....??Should i call her??Or wait for her call? I realised all my mistakes...i trust her more than my self....just in the past times i thought that relationship is intact......but i assume she started comparing me........Please help.........i love her so much...i miss her badly.........please guide Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): Hey! I dont know what advice I can give but I do know how you feel. My partner of 18months left me the day after his birthday (which also happens to be on the 20th dec). Well, he didnt officially leave me until christmas day but I know that it was his intention on that day as I had stormed out in a huff. Man, if I could turn back time I wouldnt have walked out at all!!!! He then ignored me for 2 weeks and now ive got to see him at uni as we are on the same course which ends in 8 weeks! 6 weeks later and I still cant get him off of my mind. Ive excepted that he probably wont come back and if he does then it may be too late as Ive already got myself out there, trying to mingle with new men (not out of choice but I cant be a misery guts forever!).Ive read tons of advice on it. They say that you should simply agree with the break up, have no contact (no hassling via text, email etc) and if you do see them then just be polite. Let them realise that you are fine without them and show them the person that they fell in love with. Seeing as she is seeing someone else I suggest you just keep things friendly (dont slag off her new man), keep your distance and maybe one day she will realise what a mistake she has made. Wether all of this "advice" helps or not is a different story. I think that she feels that the grass is greener on the otherside, but we all know its not. If you had something special then she may return but for the sake of your sanity you MUST move on. Being depressed and needy is not attractive and its not good for your well-being. Please keep your chin up. I know its hard but its part of life. Ive learnt some major lessons from this relationship and Im never going to screw up with my next fella OR with this one if he comes back to me (please God, I just want him back!!!). Value those lessons and learn to live again.GOOD LUCK!!playlislay x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): This is going to sound so hard BUT she needs her space because you can bet theres a hundred and one different thoughts racing around her head right now. If you try getting her back too much, youll drive her away. She probably needs you right now as a friend and that's your best hope.Honestly I know because ive just broke up with my boyfriend after a year and he still wants me but I'm too confused for a relationship and all I want is my best friend back.
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