A
male
age
41-50,
*cott_the_brokenhearted
writes:Me and my girlfriend were happy, she suffers with deep depression and i help her through a day at a time, some days worse than others but rare. This Friday we were happy and eating at a restaurant and had a wonderful time. We had a right laugh, holding hands ect... i was really proud...Saturday morning i was dumped without warning claiming her depression has made her confused, the physical attraction is gone, she don't feel the same about me ect. She said she needs time to find out if she is in love with me or not... even her mum said its not normal and she needs to see someone. My heart is broken, she's always crying since, she text me and says she knows she loves me but needs to find if "shes in love with me" she said the reason for the dumping was she couldn't stand seeing me go through the pain... we haven't spoken in 6 days as requested and now my mind is getting paranoid on me. what can i do?
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male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (1 May 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the question Update
thank for all your advice peeps, its been just over a week now and she still thinks shes made the right decision.
she said we have the foundations of a good friendship and i agree, ive stopped chasing her and im giving her the space she wanted. i have agreed to make our friendship work because i would rather her in my life as a friend than gone at all together as just another ex.
we've made plans for next month, shes gonna teach me to drive lol
we still love each other i can tell, she misses me as much as i miss her, but because i love her so much ive agreed to step away. i havent turned my back... just stepped back.
now she texts me and we dont talk about our past, now we talk about mates stuff.
its not a perfect world i know that now, but im happy now to still be part of her life.
thanks all
A
female
reader, ADVICENTE  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 I go through a depression relationship too. My fiance lost his twin brother 2 years ago, we are all going through our stages of grief but his is bad. He is on Lexapro and that medicine for depression is a world of difference then the other medicines he tried. I TOTALLY know what you are going through because the up and down roller-coaster is hard to go through. I have wanted to up and leave so many times but because I love him so much I cant. Trust me also, if there are days they forget there meds LOOK OUT! I have come to think he needs to be tested(if they do that) for bi-polar I think they run hand in hand. She definitely needs to get help. I would text if you want to be there waiting for her and say I will go with you to any therapy or Dr's or relationship counseling to help you figure out if I am the one you are in love with. I just want you to be happy whether it with or without me. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Is she cheating and feeling guilty? I don't kno wi just don't see a solution to this sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Occupy yourself with something else for a while to take your mind off what she is doing. I feel that she may be testing you. Stop contact with her for a week or so & see what she does. Dont sell yourself short but you know that she has depression & you have seen what it does to her. Dont turn your back untill you know what her real reason is. She may just need the right kind of help. I dont know her so i cant give you the right answer but you do know her. I am a little dis heartened by some ov the responses. Yes depression is a sellfish disease but it is not the fault of the sufferer any more than any other disease. Would you give up on her if she had cancer. She is sick. You have my admiration, you have loved her through it. Just give it time & find out the real reasons before you decide what to do. You are amazing. She is lucky to have you. I hope she realises that :) Goodluck.
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A
male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (27 April 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo you think there is any chance at all that she will see sense??
she said she would let me know once shes sorted her head out, yet in another message she says there's no chance... then she says things like who knows what the future holds.
it seems like her answer depends alot on her hormonal (which she suffers with too) activity or her particular mood.
i don't wanna sound a mug, but i love her... ive stopped texting her.
all this has happened within the last month, she had her bad times before but nothing we could not sort out with a cuddle.
shes pretty much worshiped me as much as i worshiped her every day for 3 years...i saw it in her eyes... this month however its been chaos...
... ending in the eventual dump...
... i know she loves me but how can she suddenly switch off? does depression and hormones do that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): i don't know really it seems that you got too involved with someone whose convinced herself that she's not normal and could never love you back , even though this is probably not true
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 April 2009):
Put them on your local gumtree and ebay and use the cash to cheer yourself up.x
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A
male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (27 April 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni don't suppose anyone wants some Dirty Dancing tickets, i bought them for us to go and see it with my birthday money.
lol they came this morning. i got dumped before i could surprise her with them lol gets worse dunnit. i dont want money for em
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A
male
reader, simonthedove +, writes (27 April 2009):
she sounds like an incredibly selfish individual
chances are she has another man
does she ignore your texts?
refuse to see you?
that precious time your giving her is bonding time for her and her new boyfriend. you may not wanna hear this but it's true... how do you know shes been crying all the time... you dont know anything mate. move on, forget her, shes forgotton you and replaced ya...
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A
male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (27 April 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou...
i've decided to step back and give her space, as much as she needs to get her head round it... if she decides she don't want me then i'll walk away... she'll always be my princess even if we are just mates... i've got alot of things to get on with... i aint looking for nobody else because in my mind... i'll still be cheating on my one love.
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A
male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (27 April 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou...
i've decided to step back and give her space, as much as she needs to get her head round it... if she decides she don't want me then i'll walk away... she'll always be my princess even if we are just mates... i've got alot of things to get on with... i aint looking for nobody else because in my mind... i'll still be cheating on my one love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): Hi, i was reading that & i felt so touched by the way you speak of your girlfriend. I suffer with depression myself & let me commend you for loving her beyond her illness. Depression is not something i would wish on my enemy. It is hard to find those who love you unconditionaly. I hope she has good support. I am well at the moment due to the fact that i have strong support & that is very important for recovery. I dont know how severe her depression is & you must be aware that you could yourself become depressed if you let it get to you. Stay positive. Take a step back if you need to & give her space if she needs. It is a big commitment & one that is draining & if you feel that its too much then walk away but if you truly love her then please dont give up on her. I wish you both love & happiness xox
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 April 2009):
It could be that she is trying to protect you.
She is depressed and therefore she can only think about herself and how bad she is.
She is physically unable to understand that it's her that you want right now as her brain cannot accept that logic.
It could also be that she just finds the whole relationship too stressful to deal with at the moment.
Send her a letter or email and tell her that you love her and DO NOT WANT to split up. But that you assume that she does not want to be with you so you will leave her alone.
You have to give her space and time. She is very ill by the sounds of it.
As I say, try and get over her and move on. You have to look after yourself or you'll get dragged into depression with her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (27 April 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate... she has now said that theres no chance of us getting back together coz i deserve better, i deserve a girl to settle down with and have a family... she claims she is so messed up she cant gimme that... ive tried telling her its her i want but she wont listen... is she protecting me like she says... or am i just being fobbed off?
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A
male
reader, scott_the_brokenhearted +, writes (27 April 2009):
scott_the_brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks Emily, it's really hard because i know that deep down she loves me, but the more she spends time away from coupled with the higher dosage of antideppressants shes taking shes just gonna get over just the same as i'll eventually get over her... i don't want to get over her... she's my princess
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 April 2009):
Sorry this has happened to you hun.
I think the best advice I can give is to just move on.
Depression is a very selfish illness. I mean she has been content to let you care for her rather than actually getting help.
A boyfriend should not be used as a substitute for a mental health nurse.
Try to get over her, don't get your hopes up. Go out with your mates, get drunk, cry, punch a wall, do whatever it takes.
You can't sit around being tortured only for her to say ok, come back and deal with me being ill but refusing treatment, or if she has gone out and found someone shiny and new who hasn't seen her dark side yet.
Take control. Tell her you will only come back to her if she is getting medical help and trying to fight the depression by eating better, getting out and doing exercise, etc.
But until she calls, try and get over her. If she calls up and you decide you can't deal with her any more then that is her problem not yours.
You have to put yourself first here, just because she is ill, doesn't mean you HAVE to love her.
Good Luck!! xx
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