A
male
age
30-35,
*sedcarparts
writes:I've been with my gf now for 4 1\2 years, almost 5. We've always had the most amazing relationship we could have possibly imagined with plans on getting married in the near future. Thing is she moved away to california 2 years ago but she's movin back here to go to college and be with me again. Looks like that dream won't come true anymore. We saw each other for the first time in almost 2 years last march but everything changed after seeing each other. We met at a college orientation where she is going and I decided to go too but we had only an hour and a half to be together and during that time we were on tour so our interaction was super limited. We didn't even get to say bye. After that visit things began to feel weird and I read that this can happen after not seeing each other for a very long time and the first visit being short and sour. Well things continued to feel weird for over 2 weeks then it wasn't weird aymore but I didn't feel so close to her anymore cause our communication was so limited. It was all text and nothing else, no phone calls cept for 2 times. We were not getting anywhere but we still had a connction. Finally it came to a point where she wanted to go on a break and talk as friends until she moves here cause she doesn't think our ldr relationship can transition too well to in person and wants to start fresh. I saw her point and agreed but it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. She began to avoid me after that. Responding 2 or 3 text messages and then say nothing at all. It continued this way and eventually I decided to play at her own game and do the same to her. Because of the way our communication was going we began to drift even further apart. She also mentioned that in order for us to date I would need to make some changes in my life, like move into my own place, find a job, and transfer to a better school. I explained to her that I'm working on these things but it seemed like there was disbelief on her part.Then 2 weeks later which was last Thursday she finally tells me that she's been talking to someone else and that she doesn't want me to get jealous. I broke down and began messaging her regarding our plans for the summer. She responded by saying that it wouldn't work between us right now because I'm not taking steps to achieve my goals but it doesn't make sense why she has to see someone else if she is going to move up here anyway, it'll just be another ldr for her, she should be working on herself too. I messaged her explaining my thoughts and how she was dishonest with me and should have been up front about things. Not lie saying that she wants a break cause I need to work on myself. This explains why we difted so far and why she has kept her distance from me cause she's been seeing someone else. I then told her to never talk to me again and I haven't since the 12th on Thursday. She has continued to text everyday saying she never lied and that she started talking to him after our break but I find that hard to believe. She continues to text me with her last text asking how long I'm going to ignore her.It may seem like she was the dumper but really she made no indication that she wanted me gone, I think she wanted to have her cake and eat it to. Also her constant messaging implies that there wasn't a break up on her part. My problem is, is that sometimes I miss her to death and feel the need to contact her. Somtimes I feel like maybe I did the wrong thing or that we should talk about it. The more she text's me the more tempting it is. Sometimes I feel better when thinking about how rotten she is to do this but when I remember the good times and having her there to talk to I begin to freak out and not know what to do. It's really hard to cope with and I don't want to feel like I made a mistake. I really hope someone can give me advice on how to handle this situation, I'm scared to lose her cause she's been so important in my life and we've grown so close.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): The truth is you have no way of knowing whether she was talking to him before or not. The only warning signs to me are she wanted you to complete 'goals' which seems a bit ridiculous if you ask me (seeing as you're supposed to be close) and suggest she was just stalling for time or giving herself a get out clause should she need it. Also the fact that your post makes it sound like she was the one who started becoming distant first could suggest she was talking to him beforehand but again isn't really any proof.
Out of interest are you 100% sure that she is going to move back?
Look you've been together a long time, so your feelings are understandable but I think you've done the right thing by ending it and stopping contact. In all honesty do you really think if you two got back together when/if she comes back that you'll just be able to forget all this?
I'd just keep ignoring her, maybe send a text reinforcing it's over if she won't leave you alone, then it will be hard for a while but time does heal. Keep yourself busy, go out with friends, think positively and you will get over it.
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