A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy56755
writes:Please help, I am confused. I recently split with my girlfriend, we were living together for 3 and half years and have a younge child together. We were argueing a lot and small things that could have changed on both parts didn't. since the split i have realised a lot of things and understand where she has been coming from and were things went wrong, and i mean i realy do see what the problems were.To start with when we split up we agreed i would stay living at our place until i could get a bit more sorted, this was hard for a week as everytime i came in from work she would be out with a friend, the same friend that she has also been going out with for a few month prior to the break up and not spending much time with me. so the week went on and i thought well lets talk, maybe not sort things out and get back together but atleast lets both see where we are coming from. So i cooked a meal and waited for her to get back from work, on her return she was very quick to have a bath and go out to meet her friend, not intrested in the meal. She said she would be an hour and toke over 3 and came back with a real attitude. This was it i packed my stuff and left as staying would have led to more arrguments.For the first couple of weeks she wouldn't talk to me about anything, I saw my son and that was it, she wouldn't let me near the flat or anything. Then we started talking and I said how i felt and she didn't realy say much, i gave her reasons why we should get back together and fight for things and she just said no i won't let it happen.A few more weeks and we had a good talk on the phone and i felt we were getting somewhere, she was a lot more chatty and we discussed the issues in the relationship from both parts. she then said lets just be friends????The basics of it now, shes saying she can't be bothered to try again and she doesn't have the energy to be extra nice to make this work. I can't understand this as we have a great future together and our lil boy and the break up is just over stupid things, it's silly it has taken it to get this far for me to realise things but it has and i do no that i want this to work and i no where things went wrong. She has told me to move on, and that her fealings have changed but then i'm not sure this is what she realy wants because she can not justify things and says her head is all over the place, shes confused. we have been apart under 2 months. I know she is talking to another bloke but she is sure he is just a friend and she would never do anything and i do kinda accept that, but it does seem a bit odd. What should i do, i want her back, so any idea of how to go about this, but if it is over how can i ensure it realy is what she wants and shes not going to come back to me in a few months when i have moved on and lost all feelings for her?Sorry for the length of this, long story, please help any advice is helpful and please be honest. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Hi this is a very sad situation for you at the moment and good for you for wanting to work on your problems but she doesnt seem interested and therefore you cant make her want to work on things. It sounds like she has made her mind up therefore there is nothing more you can do to change her mind am afraid you just have to accept it.
Talk to her one last time and say to her that you understand that she doesnt want to work on things and say to her that you are not going to wait around forever so she needs to be sure that this is what she wants if she says it is then i think you just need to accept it and start rebuilding your life on your own and spending as much time as you can with your son, just remember it is probably hard for him as well getting used to his parents living in different homes so just make sure you both show him lots of love and affection.
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