A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I m a 22 yr old undergraduate and had a normal lifestyle. I m considered simple and naive as describe by my peers .I have a boyfriend (aged 25)of 1 year plus but I was not very happy in this relationship. He treats me well but we often argue over small little things. I feel that his thinking was childish at times.I was grateful of him staying by my side because he was the one who pulled me out from my past r/s pit hole. I felt that love can be cultivate and its always a blessing for the other party to love you more.Until I had met another guy, 'A'. He wooed me and showered me with love and concern. (He knew I had a bf)His sincerity finally won my heart and I became a two-timer. I was guilt stricken most of the time, I even told my boyfriend about A's existence but he still want to keep me.I was uncertain of A, as I felt that he was older and somehow too mature for me. Someone who had been through a lot as compared to me, a greenhorn with not much experience in the society.I was being selfish and four months later , I realized that A was a married man. Initially he lied to me about his age (he told me he was 28 but he was 40) and he lied about his business that he was a employee not the boss.I forgave him for the two lies but I cant forgive him for cheating me that he is single.My heart was shattered.Before that, I broke up with my boyfriend because of A. I felt that i cant be so selfish.A told me all the typical stuffs that he doesnt love his wife, stay because of the child, blah blah.I know he treated me well and doted on me. I wanted to leave him when I found out the truth. He went down on his knees,crying and begged me not to.I know it was not right, it was immoral. I really felt so alone and disgusted of myself.I blame myself for not finding out the truth earlier. Before i found out that he was married, he called and sms me everyday. We even spend nights fortnightly together. Whenever I m down, he was there for me to encourage me. I was really very happy with him then.I could not sense that he was married at all, I thought he might be busy carving his career and neglected his romance.He is a bad man who treat me well.But at the end of the day, he belongs to another woman.He even asked would i marry him if he divorce his wife. ( and i knew it was only BS)If he was really that unhappy, he would divorce her and not because of any third party.My road ahead is still long and promising as I am looking forward to life after my studies. I dont want my life to be so complicated. I don't understand why would i fall for A? He might be using me to escape from his reality. I told him many harsh words to make him leave me. He continue call and message me despite that i ignored him. When he came and looked for me, my heart melt and there goes all my determination.Can someone help me? I cant focus! My mind ask me to leave but my heart ask me to stay.I really need to focus and study as my major exams are nearing!!!
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broke up, divorce, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, lerokiya  +, writes (26 April 2010):
what the other people say is dead on. you seem to be a great person with all kinds of men coming your way. consider this a painful test that will enable you to have a sense of these opportunistic guys that will do and say anything to get into your pants. this guy had obvious agendaa from day one. like you say, the usual stuff about 'my wife doesn't understand me, i want to leave her.' is just tactics to get into your bed and have sex, while the unaware wife is going on about hr business, doing the work with the kids and the homelife. make this man disappear, and watch out for other sly guys who only have one goal, to seek out vulnerable women. good job and keep doing what your doing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Thank you very much for the replies . They made
me stood firm on my decision. I have been ignoring his calls and messages. Whenever I feel weak, I would read the replies and remind myself that I made the correct choice.
Even though there part of me want to believe that he does love me but still it doesn't change anything- he is married.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 April 2010):
 You are clearly a bright young adult...don't mess up your exams for a loser. Everyone makes mistakes, your mistakes are three-fold. You have dealt with your personal issues by using other people as an emotional crutch, you cheated and you dated a married man. You need to cut the leech out of your life and concentrate on your exams for now. If you keep taking him back then he will keep coming back until he finds another target - it is all about control for him. The relationship is going no where good, he cheated on his wife...he would cheat on you if you were his wife. You are probably not the first woman to be his mistress, and perhaps not the last. Feel sorry for his wife and tell this man if he comes near you again then you will call the police.
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