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Broke up, trying to stay friends but I'm unsure how to proceed

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Question - (21 July 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 July 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi All - i have recently split from my girlfriend (3 weeks ago) and for those 3 weeks we have been going through the angry, bitter stage as you do - i have been pretty gutted about it all and she seems the opposite however sunday night we we're both round a friends house for a drink and people were saying that she was being very flirty etc sat next to me. We basically said that our friendship was 2 good 2 let go of which was a huge relief for me as i missed her friendship massively. I am a little unsure of what to think though, we were texting each other quite alot last night, nothing flirty just laughing about the past and have arranged to go for a drink tomorrow night. I'm a bit unsure as to her feelings though - she says she doesnt want us to get back together and really neither do i but her actions on sunday when she'd had a drink we exactly how we were just before we got together. What do you think?

View related questions: flirt, get back together, text

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2009):

Sounds like she was just letting the drink get to her to be honest.

She's still going to have some feelings for you. You don't stop having them overnight and you two have hardly given each other any space to try and imagine life as a single person and with some one else.

No one can tell you what's in her head except her.

But if you broke up for a good reason and she doesn't want to get back together then you need to STOP seeing her for a little while just to get your head straight as a single guy with many many options.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, crazy_daisy United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2009):

I am sorry about your break up. This is really tough. Staying friends after a break up...and by the sounds of it I don't think you are quite over her yet. There is nothing wrong in staying friends after your break up, however you both need to make sure there are absolutely no feelings from either side.

Things can become very confusing if you stayed friends and you still have feelings for her as you might misread her every move, i.e. she might just be friendly to you which you might translate as her being flirty...It is a really tricky situation and you definitely need to talk about it with your ex and define the boundaries of your friendship before deciding to stay friends to ensure none of you gets hurt at the end.

I also think that it is a good idea to give each other some space without contact before you start your friendship just to get over the break up stage so you can approach the new friendship with cool and clear minds.

I hope this helps!

Wishing you all the best!

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