A
female
age
30-35,
*yameSohma
writes:Okay... Sorry this is so long. The boy i posted about on 30th March, he broke up with me about three weeks ago, and when i asked why i got this reply:-------------------------------------------------------Him:riiiighht.. look tasha, i've been thinking, you shouldn't be going out with me, i'm a dick, seriously, i sorta.. asked you out because i felt sorry for you and felt like i could help you out in a way, but it's obivous that you like me quite a bit and i'm really sorry but i just, don't feel the same way, you should be with someone who wants to be with you not just because they feel sorry for you i'm really sorry, i just think that it's not fair to you that you're with someone who doesn't feel the same way about youso i'm gonna have to stop this sorry, i just can't be with you knowing that it's unfair on you.Me:i wish you had told me that at the start. -_- BenBird'stheword says:i should have done, i'm really sorrybut, i felt like i was doing a good thing, because i could feel that i was sort of helping you out with your confidence and stuff, but i should have found a better way to do that, so i'm sorry, but, your still a good friend to me (:i meant it when i said i don't think the same peaky thinks about you, i don't think you're a geek or anything, and i also don't think your as unattractive as he said,and i'm sure i still want you aas a friend, you're a good friend, (tbh, thats really all we we're)im sorry, i shouldn't have been such a dickMe:im not angry at you and thats what makes it worse tbh Him:no, anger makes everything worse..i'm really sorry... i was a complete dick and you didn't deserve thatMe:this has happened to me so many times now im wondering if i do deserve it Him:no, you don'tyou're a great person, you've just picked the wrong people..Me:Is there a right person there? Sorry I shouldn’t be taking it out on you you haven’t done anything wrong, its not your faultHim:no, you've every right to take it out on me.and to answer your question, no there isn't one person thats exactly right for you, there isn't for anyone, but there are people that make you feel special, people you can grow to love and them to you, you just have to find one of those people, and i'm sure theres lots of themMe:i must look so pathetic to you Him:no, you don't, you just looked like someone who needed help, and i thought i could try helping, there was no "pity" involvedMe:looked like i needed help?Him:iunno.. you we're telling me how people had been twats to you and it showed that those things had lowered your confidence and self esteem, and i guess in the past few months my self esteem has been sky high so i felt like i should help someone else gain more -----------------------------------------------------I tried to get over it, but this has happenend to me so many times now, i'm crushed, i cant eat or sleep I try not to think about him but i can't help it, he hasnt spoken to me since and he acts like he dosent care at all. This is like a physical pain and i just keep getting told to "get over it" i know thinks like this happen, but why so often without a shot at happiness in between?Also, one of my friends has come out as gay, she told me she likes me and she knows im straight but cant hide her feelings anymore, i have no problem with this, what i do have a problem with is that she is constantly touching me, hugging me and getting close, and when i back off a bit she looks so hurt, she says i look like i've been destroyed and im not aliive anymore and i just dont know what to do.
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broke up, confidence, crush, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sunny123 +, writes (27 April 2009):
This kind of thing makes me so angry! Boys have no idea of the effect they have on young girls! Please, please remember that EVERY single girl out there has probably been treated badly by a guy at some stage in their lives. It is nothing personal to you!
Instead of acting the victim though you shouldn't be afraid to feel angry when you are treated badly. OF COURSE that boy did something wrong! Don't make excuses for him!
As for your gay friend, explain that you definitely want to remain good friends with her but that you find physical contact a bit uncomfortable at the moment and you need a bit of time to adjust.
Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Sorry this happened to you. I'm not telling you to get over this, those are stupid words, but (and I can't believe this is coming from me, because it sounds optimistic) look at this as an opportunity. You know, I know you're from another country and all, but there are movies out there that brainwash people into thinking that all they have to do is find the right person and they will be happy (like some of the Disney movies.)This is your opportunity to heal (taking as much time as YOU need), your opportunity to assess who you are as a person and where you are at (the state you are in), your opportunity to get to know yourself, have time to yourself (even though you might feel lonely, and it hurts, but that is the only way of getting past your pain, is to feel it to as much as you are able to, or bottle it up and deal with the problems later), maybe read some books about self help, such as help with self-esteem (you can read these in private if you want), and just spend time figuring out who you are and what you want. Figuring out what makes you happy. Please, please, please, don't use this time to find a rebound guy or wait for some guy to find you who "makes you feel special." You need to love YOU first, before you can love someone else. Guess what? Not to scare you, but I'm 22 and still trying to figure these things out. The world usually doesn't give you time to figure this stuff out. They want what they want from you. The school wants your work, your job wants your work. It is up to you to discover who you are.And if you go to a psychologist, some of them might say stupid things to you, such as "Well when we put ourselves in certain situations..." No. No. NO. Don't ever let anyone convince you that what has been happening to you is your own fault, and please stop blaming yourself. And don't let someone convince you that you need to pay them 200 bucks for an hour every week for you to get your self-esteem. I'm sure if you put your heart and mind into this, then you can do it. And I know the feeling of, "Oh gawd this crap is happening again." It sucks. You're not alone. You know, society bases too much of our self-worth on what we can DO, instead of who we ARE. Maybe you could write. When I was younger, through writing I learned new things about myself. I've probably typed a paper by now. lol Just message me if you need a friend to talk to.Hope it works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): You are in a tough stage of your life, at your age boys...and girls can be so cruel. Boys will mess most girls around to gain some sort of a 'cool boy' reputation and will only be in steady relationships with girls who will kick start their sex life and increase bravado at the same time.
Your friend sounds like she is going through some changes of her own, all you can do is tell her you support her and make your sexuaity clear. Girls do hug and get close around 14 totally innocently she maybe getting offended because she thinks she can no longer be like that because of her sexuality.
You will grow into a beautiful woman over the next few years and learn some of lifes hardest lessons. I am 21 now and when i was 14/15 i had awful self esteem issues mainly stemming from boys & as a result lost my virginity recklessly with someone who didn't care about me just because i thought i was worthless. Be patient & keep your morale high.
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