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Broke up 4 months ago but still going over ex & break up in my mind

Tagged as: Health, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Im finding it hard gettin over my ex. And keep thinking back to our relationship and the stuff he said and how he hurt me. Its been 4 months since we spilt 4 good we were together two years on off. I have felt so lonely in the relationship and so happy. But there was something always in the back of my mind. I was so inlove with him crazy bout him thought he was so sexy and i thought he felt the same he would say so nice things like im so beautiful. So sexy i turn him on so much. Know im the best thing thats ever happened to him.

but then theres the other side to him the womeniser,the bloke who says he cant write a book on how to pull women and tell me what he would say.i found out he had slept with over 70 before me i couldnt get it out my head.when he went out i would worry what he was doing who he was chatting too. We lived in different town and i wasnt allowed to go out with his mates with him. This made me feel that he was hiding something or what he was up to. He would say he had one face for me and one for his mates! After a night out he would tell me he had loads of women chatting him up.i could never trust what he was saying.

he started to put me down lots make comments how i looked.said he was with me cos he felt sorry for me What id wear.nothing was good enough. He would just say he was joking thats how he is. But it hurt and i told him. I keep going over it all in my head. I was perfect to him ran his bath. Brought breakfast in bed 4 him before he went to work early. Buy him things. I tried to pleased him whatever he wanted id do.all the comments had an affect on our love life i wouldnt let him see me naked i was worried to death he make fun at me. Id lost a lot of weight and my boobs were saggy i even had a boob uplift with out implants and to me they are great but what did he says. Shame u didnt have implants big boobs would of been ace.

Im on anti depressents i feel im not good enough for anyone and im gonna get treated like this again. It hurts so much. Think bout it all the time and what hes doing!

View related questions: boobs, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

Boy I hate relationship advice cliches. People do break up and make up --I'm going to a wedding this summer of a couple who met at 15 and dated off and on as adults.

Any relationship takes work and can break up --and then, if you both think it worthwhile, can reconcile.

Your problem is your guy was emotionally abusive, you are wrestling with personal issues and even if he were prince charming, he doesn't want to try for a healthy reconciliation with you.

So, what's my advice? Let it hurt. Try not to beg him. Try to move on. And know that one day you will be over him. Notice I didn't say you will find someone else; you probably will, but the whole point is, you need to be okay and whole no matter how many IMperfect people come in and out of your life and hurt you. When you give someone the power to create your value -they can use it to build you up and then tear you down.

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A female reader, muncher United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2009):

i only have one thing to say on break ups, if it didnt work out before, then it wont again....

the only exception to that is if one or both people involved have a complete personality overhaul, which doesnt happen often..

your addicted to how he treated you cause you were used to it, and never have the fear of not knowing, its a viscious circle that is really hard to get out of but you need to spent more time with your friends, go out clubbing or whatever you like to do, youl probably compare lots of guys to him but eventually youl meet someone who will make you think "wow" and youl learn to be happy again

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