A
male
age
41-50,
*money
writes:So my X girl, if u get a chance u can read my other questions to get our history. But basically since our break up I've slept with her once n a blue, I probably shouldn't have but I luv her.... Basically she still denies cheating on me, she has lost atleast 30lbs n tells me that she is completely luv sick..That she can't continue to sleep with me because she feels like she is just apart of the rotation.(which is tru) She wants me to give her the benefit of the doubt n try it again with her. I want to but I am hesitant because I've kind of gotten over her but not totally n I feel like if I go back n it doesn't work Ill hurt like I did all over again. I want to believe n luv but I don't think it will be the same n I don't trust her as I once did. If we get back together I know I'll be paranoid every time she goes out, the first time she doesn't pick up the phone... I love her but I really don't no if I want to try again but I do luv her. If she did or she didn't either way I'm still really hurt n kind of scard either way. What should I do? Break up? Or make up?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 I think there are a number of questions you need to answer yourself before you make a decision.
1. Do you believe she has changed?
2. Has she grown up/matured since you split up (you dont mention how long ago you split up - if it has been a while maturity definately helps girls especially in relationships)
3. Do you see a future with this girl?
4. Do you truly believe she is the one for you?
If the answers to ALL of these questions are yes then you should give it a go. You only live once and true love doesnt come around very often; you dont want to regret not giving your relationship a chance in a few years time.
But a word of warning; all answers to those questions must be yes (not three yes and one no). You have to really believe in the relationship and really want it to work. You cant be half hearted in giving it another try - it is all or nothing.
See it as a fresh start - like you have a brand new girlfriend. Go out on dates, get to know each other again. Dont get serious too quickly, just take your time and enjoy that early time in a relationship. If you manage to take it slow and not fall straight back into your old relationship then you will see the new side to this girl and it will help build your trust again. The trust can come back but only if you are willing to let it come back - if you are too hung up on the past and caught up in the bad thoughts then no, you wont ever trust her again.
Think about it carefully, decide if she is worth the risk and take it from there.
Good luck!
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