A
male
age
41-50,
*raveler76
writes:I have been together with my girlfriend for 2 and half years. When we started going out she was 23 and I was 28, now we are 26 and 31. I am from Europe, she is from Chicago.I meet her parents and went in vacation with them, her mother and my mother meet as well.The first 12 months of our realtionship were fantastic. With the time we start having small problems, but nothing that we could not work out. I was working 70+ hours per week and she was working a lot as well.That made her unhappy and 6 months ago she quit her job. Since then she has been thinking about what to do with her life (again she is 26).At the same time I was working a lot and did not realize that I was loosing my identity due to stress of the job. I never had ideas on new things to do, was in a bad mood often, gained weight and started feeling bad about myself. I just did not understand that I should have not been working so much.One month ago, she told me she was considering going to school in london, at first my reaction was "it is going to end our relationship" and I told her. Afterwards I have been more positive and told her that if it was good for her she should have done it, we could keep the relationship going.She was getting very depressed in the past 6 months, when she was not working, I did not understand that because I was too wrapped up in work and kind of took her affection for something that will always be there.Slowly I realized that something was wrong and decided to change my job and not work more that 40 hours per week. I had dreams and plans to do romantic things with her, to travel, to talk about a future together.On her birthday, we had a small fight, the day after she ws supposed to leave town with her dad for ten days and she did.When she come back, last monday, I had this great plan of going out for dinner and spend quality time. When I went to her house I understood something was wrong. While crying she finally said that she feels we had to break up, that she needed her own time to make decisions. She is trying to decide if it is good to move to england to go to school or if the other options in our city would work.She is also trying to understand if she wants to be with me.When our relationship was great I know that she thinking to be with me forever. Not she told me she is not sure I am the person she is going to be with forever. She is very confused.I told her what I think was the reason of our problems, I actually already put myself in the position to resolve those problems. She knows I identify the problem and had a solution, she agree with me on how things should be.Basically I am sometimes a negative person and ruin good situations. But that was because I was so stressed from work. I quit my job a month ago because of that and now I have time to have a normal life.She told me she doesn't know if she can trust me on the fact that I can change. I know I can.When we spoke she was very emotional, crying sometimes when I tell her things like I wanted to grew old with her. But also in the same conversation she would became very cold, talking to me in a very formal way, like we don't know each other.She said she had to put her foot down and end the relationship. On the other end she wants to be in contact with me. She does not want to see me until the week after thanksgiving. She asked me not to contact her and to go pick up a bag with my staff from her doorman. When I tried to call her, she is upset that I am not respecting her request, but also she likes to hear the things I have to say and she is happy to hear it. She says she doesn't want to think about me but she also says that she is thinking about me.If she sees me in person right now, she would go back with me, but she made a point not to. I keep thinking about her, I think she is the love of my life and want to have a future with her. I want things to work out and we have the potential to do it. I am afraid that in this 10-12 day I will not talk to her, she will convince herself in leaving me without giving me a chance to prove her that things would work out if she give ma a chance.What should I do? Wait for the 10 days and then talk to her with the risk that she may not even want to talk to me then?Write her a letter?Send her flowers so she thinks of me?Do you think she will go back with me?
View related questions:
depressed, flowers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, traveler76 +, writes (18 November 2007):
traveler76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not sure the message I just wrote has been posted so here it is again.Thank you for your advice, that is what I am doing right now.
A
male
reader, traveler76 +, writes (18 November 2007):
traveler76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your suggestions, I really appreciate it.This is what I am doing right now.I am just afraid that she will not give me a chance.
...............................
A
male
reader, Decentguy1 +, writes (18 November 2007):
Listen,
you will be fine. Stop being selfish. you are if you think about it. You quit your job to work less, you expect her to change her feelings instead of letting her have space.
Trust me, i'm on your side, and have been there...do this.
Tell her, "honey, I' love and respect you, and us. I want you to take time to get your self in a place where you need to be. I love you, and want you to be happy. I will be here for you. Just know all i want is your happiness.
This will show her you care about HER, and not you. It will allow her to feel safe that you won't freak out and leave her....
hope this helps!
good luck
...............................
|
