A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am despairing of ever finding that special relationship. My last relationship ended at Christmas last year. I hadn't realised at the time that he was breaking up with me as he asked me what I thought about things so I presumed that he was trying to work at the relationship. I had said to him that I hadn't felt like things were working out either and asked him some questions in the hope that we could sort things out too, but he never answered my questions and I haven't heard a word from him since. I could be wrong but I can't help thinking that the this was a terrible misunderstanding. We were both quite shy, and had both had been hurt badly by previous partners, so I think we retreated into our shells to avoid getting hurt.It is easy to say 'well if he loved you that much then he would get back in touch and profess his undying love for you', but I loved him far more than anyone I ever loved and I haven't got back in touch with him due to the risk of being rejected again so with him more shy than me I think that there is even less chance he would get back in contact.He was the most amazing person I had met and all my friends and family thought he was really special. He inspired me to be a better person. He was very keen for us to move in together, and eventually have children. In fact, my Dad recently confided in me that he thought we would get married and that he has a gut feeling that I am going to end up alone (this is a big thing for my Dad share his feelings). I wouldn't be surprised if I did because I think my ex will be 'the one that got away'.Of course, maybe his intention was to split up with me and I've considered all the options like maybe he was cheating on me, etc, but why ask me what I think about things if he'd already make his mind up about the relationship or if he had someone else? I think that is what has left me unable to move on. I have dated other men since so I'm not sitting at home moping. I'm trying to be proactive in getting over him.
View related questions:
christmas, move on, my ex, shy, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 did you have this conversation in person? I guess I don't understand why you two didn't communicate to the point of both of you understanding each others positions. One of two things are going on here:
1) he started the conversation hoping you would say "this relationship is the best one I've ever had." From there you could dig into the little issues you've had and could move the relationship forward.
2) he started the conversation hoping you would say "this relationship isn't working for me." From there he could gently pull away, allowing you to be the one who broke things off.
The fact that you said "things aren't working for me either" would have led anyone to believe you wanted out, mutually. If he meant for things to move forward, not die on the vine, he would have been probably traumatized that you and he weren't on the same page and yes, crawled into his shell. Did he tell you things weren't working for him? What were the questions you asked? Some guys (and girls) freak at the first inkling of conflict or doubt and they retreat.
If you are wanting to get some closure from this I would recommend you take the high road and contact him for a coffee or something and then explain to him what you were trying to say. He's not a mind reader. Communication is the hardest part of a relationship because partners are too afraid to show their feelings out of fear of rejection. But this way, you will share your feelings and know you've put it all out there. If he rejects you, you will feel bad for awhile but you will know exactly where you stand and you won't be sitting back wondering "what if."
Remember, it is not a sign of weakness to show you care, it's a sign of strength.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): If you felt that things weren't working out then why is he the one that got away?
You are in a self-fulfulling prophecy, you are starting to think your are going to end up on your own, and you dad saying it to you isn't helping, while you are thinking like this you are not open to a new relationships. He is in your past now, let it go and move on.
...............................
|
