A
female
age
30-35,
*issinnocent
writes:i have been with this guy for 6 months and his family is Muslim, but he doesn't believe in that. i am white, and not Muslim, therefore they don't want me to go out with him. they found out about us, and forced him to break up with me. but we got back together and are now together behind their backs. but i don't like this because i am a nice girl, i get on with everyone, and i just want them to accept me. he ended it with me again because he didn't want to lie to his family.. and although they have never met me, they used his phone to contact me, and they were really horrible.he now says he wants me back, but i dont know what to do..because i am only 16, i love him to the moon and back, but i don't know if i can carry on like this.. also he wants to have sex with me.. but i don't know is he means what he says.. please help me.. thank you..
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female
reader, olivia123 +, writes (18 April 2009):
This story is so similar to my own! I started going out with a muslim boy when I was 16 (he was 17) and we were at the same school. From the begining we knew it would be difficult to see each other at weekends and outside school because he wouldnt tell his parents. After about 6 months, I told him he would have to (as summer hols were approaching) and he tried to explain to them but they just wouldn't have any of it. His mum rang me twice to tell me to leave him alone but he kept telling me he couldn't be without me. We saw very little of each other that summer but things were ok when we got back to school.The next year worked out pretty much the same although in the holidays his parents were at work and he could drive by this point (he lives 1/2 an hour from me) so things were easier.Now, we have got into the same uni together and are both doing medicine. Holidays are pretty much the same as always but during term, everything is normal. His parents know we are at the same uni and are aware that we have had a relationship but will just not acknowledge it. (I am still waiting to meet them in person). We have been together for 3 years now n love each other very much but things do not get much easier, and I imagine, as we get even more serious in the future, it will be an uphill struggle.Sometimes, I wish that at your stage, someone would have said "just leave it!" and i had listened and found someone else who's parents would accept me but I love my boyfriend and wouldn't want to change anything now!It's just unfair that boys like this are expected to grow up in Western society with Eastern morals and culture. Where we live, he is the only non-white person around so even if he did want to follow his parents' religion, there is no one else his age to practise it with. Anyway, my advice is try to get out while u can but if you can't, prepare for an arkward relationship!Oliviap.s. its interesting u sed to the moon and back! My boyfriend once bought me a childrens' book as a vals day present called guess how much i love u? n the last page said to the moon and back...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Well if I was in your shoes I would definitely take a rain check on the sex, cause in Islam as far as I know it's against the religion to have sex before your married. And if you’re a decent girl then you wouldn't really put much sin on the boy.
Secondly, in Islam once again it's against the religion to have a boyfriend or girlfriend so he should really not be carrying out a relationship without the thought of being married to you, but as your way to young that really shouldn’t be the thought so therefore you shouldn’t carry on the relationship. Defiantly do not have sex with him as you could result in pregnancy which will then cause problems between you, him and the family. They wouldn’t agree to it, and would probably not talk to their son. Although you may use protection it is still not right.
No matter how hard you try changing your boyfriend’s parents mind, it will not work; they won’t compromise if they’re religious, however generally people would not agree to it anyways if there religious or not as your young and not really thinking of perusing a long time relationship with him and commitment such as marriage.
You may do the honour of trying to change their mind but if they don’t listen to their own son there’s not much chance of them listening to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): I think you should break up with him ASAP and move on with your life. Islam is not just a religion, it's a culture and everything. If he goes against his family, he stands to lose everything. Plus Islam is probably grounded in him, and if you're not when you get serious the vast differences will creep up and pull you guys apart.
Let me him date someone else Muslim. You think you're in love but you're not - you're too young to know love, believe me on it. Just move on and get you another boyfriend.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 April 2009):
Right, until he commits to you and this is all sorted: NO SEX!
You don't want him to break up with you again after you have had sex with him for family reasons and then it be permanent. You will feel SO used.
As for his family, unfortunately until he can move out and make his own decisions.
I think that you just have to be patient, keep seeing him if you can but tell him that you cannot be with him properly till he talks to his family and tells them that he will not break up with you again no matter what they say.
I know it's tough and not fair but as an adult you some times find that no matter how much you love a guy, if the situation isn't right then you have to let him go.
Good Luck!! xx
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