A
female
age
30-35,
*bonyBlossom
writes:A couple of days ago I posted this question:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-doesnt-know-how-much-our-sex-life.html After reading it through, reading the answers, and talking to my boyfriend, I have come to the conclusion that his job is what is getting in the way of our sex life.I am 18 and my boyfriend is 21. He works in a cafe which is severely understaffed. He does long hours (normally 9-5 but sometimes up to 10 hours in a day), working on average four days a week, normally all in a row.My house is nearer his workplace than his own house, so the nights before he has work, he sleeps at my house. This means that whenever we spend the night together, he always has to get up early the next morning, and more often than not, he is already tired from a long day at work. I live with my parents, and my Mum always goes to bed quite late. Also, the programmes my boyfriend and I like to watch are all late night programmes. Twice a week I work into the wee small hours. So, by the time our programmes are done/I'm home from work, and my Mum is asleep, my boyfriend has to prioritise his sleep over sex, so that he is ready for a busy day at work. He even told me that he is often tired and horny at the same time.Neither of us drive, and he lives with his grandparents, and as I live with my parents, it is very difficult for us to get each other completely alone which just makes things worse.The only time that I ever get enough sex is when he has time off. Last time he took the weekend off work, we went to a festival, and we had sex two nights in a row (incredibly rare for us as we often go over a week without sex.) He told me that he was more aroused and awake because he had been well rested during his time off. Last time we had sex was two weeks ago on his non-working weekend when I stayed at his house, so again he had been well rested, and the next time he has booked off is a week at the end of august.I am at a loss as to what to do. It's not his fault that he isn't very horny or that work makes him so tired, but I am still left suffering. It seems like there is nothing we can do to change things. Does anybody have some idea of what to do?
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at work, horny, live with my parents, sex life, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (1 August 2010):
EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the question We have missed them before. And I'm not bothered about missing them. I worry he'll get tetchy if I try and draw his attention from it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): I notice that you mention your TV programmes in your OP and your reply. Couldn't you miss out the TV on a couple of nights and make time for sex instead?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 August 2010):
 It's not something to put up with because it's not a flaw that can't be corrected. You should say you are adjusting to this and awaiting for a more suitable live work sleep routine in the future. He's not going to live at your place forever. If you love him you love him. When you feel in love with him, there is no need to put up with anything.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (1 August 2010):
EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is hoping to get promoted, and he is very popular with his manager. However we both know that a promotion will not happen in the immediate future.When he stays here, we don't normally get to bed until at the earliest 11.30, as this is when my Mum heads to bed and often our programmes are still on but we leave them early so he can go to bed. He also gets up at 7.30 on most days.If we slept together when he didn't have work then we would have sex more, but it would be unrealistic for us to spend every night together, and would make things a lot more inconvenient. When he's with we he is near work and can hitch a lift with my Mum who works nearby. When he's at home he is further away and has to catch a bus.I guess this is just a very awkward situation, and that if I love him I'll just have to put up with it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 August 2010):
It's hard to enjoy sex when he's depending on the kindness of your parents to let him sleep there. His job is not ruining your sex life, his convenience of getting enough sleep and getting to work quicker is. Depends on where he works. Hopefully he's going to move up in the cafe. He would be doing less labor work and more admin work in the future. He would also get more vacation time. Once a week sex isn't terrible but maybe you are worried that after you get married the frequency would be much less. He can hug you and kiss you to show he still cares. Also an occasional quickie isn't going to cost a lot of energy. I am not sure if job is the reason though. His work hours is actually average for a young male. He still gets weekends off. If you request more sex then he's going to think sex becomes a maintenance rather than an enjoyment. He's still young to decide if he's happy doing what he's doing. If he's not, then he has to look for something else that excites him everyday. Unless he's waiting to be promoted next month, there is no reason why he can't find something closer to his place. Understaffing is never a good reason to stick in there. They can hire more people as people drop out. Maybe it's a management problem or they are desperately trying to cut labor cost.
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