A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We have 4 children together. He cheated on me once before, a while ago and we've been fine until recently. His friend and I were always close but recently it's been more than that. I'm not and never have been attracted to his friend but he's so fun to be around. My boyfriend considers this guy to be his best friend but his so called friend doesn't even care for him that much. He says he just hangs out with us so he can see me. We've been fooling around for about 3 months now and I don't feel like it's wrong. He also has a girlfriend and he's not happy in his relationship. My boyfriend recently asked me to marry him. We both know that we will never be together. I think we're fooling around because we fill the happiness within each other that we don't get from our partners. I know we don't love each other but I'm not sure what to do.
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best friend, cheated on me, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, betbiss  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Just remember when us "adults" play our games it is the kids that get hurt the most.
Children are not dumb, they see and hear way more than you realize.
What happens when your bf find out and loses it, are you safe, are the kids?
Time to grow up and be a real woman!
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (4 December 2008):
 The "friend" is eventually going to slip up in some way and drop hints to your man. This situation is not going to end pretty unless you put an end to it now. Even so, this guy might cause trouble. You are in a real jam.
You might need to come clean with your boyfriend and start fresh with you and the children. Hopefully they will not be exposed to the drama! It will mess them up for sure.
If you rather not tell your man, you need to tell the other guy he needs to stay away from you all for a while. This is already complicated.
Maybe just tell your man you don't want to get married. That you want a separation for a while. The other guy might just back off if you are free. He might still tell.
Most important thing again, make sure the drama doesn't effect the children.
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A
male
reader, just a man +, writes (4 December 2008):
i think i see a 900 ton elephant in your living room....but for what reason are you writing US?...you dont need any help, you want permission...but i'll one further...tell yer BF you've been boinkin' his buddy, and by all means, go ahead and tell him how low his "friend thinks of him, and then, do what you should have done when he cheated on you...just go, already, cuz this issue will creep up, whenever either of you get wet, so to speak, so might as well go anyway, 4 kids, and not married yet?...he's just not that into you....seems like you not too into him either, just leave, and collect your child support money,it is best this way, cuz otherwise, when you get cought, (and you will, these things happen) you kids will think you are a slut.
kids just dont understand these things....but just for the record, using his PAST indiscretion, as rationale for your CURRENT indiscretion, ok, it just dont wash.
be a man about it,(i know, i know) and do what is right
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (3 December 2008):
 You don't appear to love your boyfriend either. Why would you play this game?
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A
female
reader, Ma Ma Sue  +, writes (3 December 2008):
Im sorry but you dont sound like a nice person. Yes your boyfirend cheated on you in the past, but you decided to forgive and take him back.What you are doing is just plain vendictive. Subconsciously you still havent forgicen him thats the reason you feel that you are not doing anything wrong because he done it and you know that when he finds out he will be hurt just like you were. You need to think about your 4 kids. When it comes out the wil also be hurt. There is no other explanation to why you are doing this, as you clearly stated there is no love or attraction between the two of youy.
At the end of the day if you are not happy, leave and find some one who you can be happy with. Once you have left your boyfirend no one can gun you down for having a sex buddy, but not while you are in a relationship!!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): eyeswideopen is one of the best aunts/uncles i've heard so listen to them they are right!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Just knock this nonsense off, show some character will ya?! A mother of four shouldn't be behaving like some horny teenager. Shame on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): If you don't love each other (you and the other guy) then you need to end it now. Your boyfriend is obviously in love with you, he asked you to marry him, you need to think about him and your children instead of yourself. I'm sure it feels to you like you and this guy have a good thing going but its just guilty pleasures and thats wrong when there are children at stake. You don't even love each other, its not worth risking your children and your would-be fiance for some guy you have fun with. End it with the guy and live happily ever after with your little family unit. Good luck hun xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry I was a little unclear at the end. My boyfriend had asked me to marry him and I didn't give him an answer yet. I'm not all that happy with him but I'm not sure if this is a phase i'm going through or what. His friend and I know we'll never be together and we don't want to, we just like each other's company and we fill the happiness within each other that we don't ger from our partners.
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