A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This past summer I had an argument with my boyfriend's father ("Rick"). Rick has a painting business and so my boyfriend works for him during the summer. I also work for Rick to make some extra cash.When we paint, we usually would take a break and go out for lunch. Rick would usually tease me because sometimes (but not always) I was not able to eat all my food. However, I always take my food home with me so I didn't waste anything. The one day we went out to a small local cafe. When the food arrived I noticed my order was massive. Rick makes a comment "Are you trying to fatten yourself up?" I didn't say anything at first, just kind of laughed it off but it actually really hurt my feelings. I'm tall (5'7 and 125 pounds, so I am not big or anything).Of course, I couldn't really eat after that comment and I did not finish my meal. Rick starts taunting me and says "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach, your eyes are bigger than your stomach, etc." I said to him "No, I'm not going to finish because I don't want to get fat". I then said to him that he should never make comments about a woman's weight. Rick replied with he had no idea (I say bs, this man is almost 60 - he should know by now). I then said to him that I had "enough of his shit" and that I am not going to take these inappropriate comments from him anymore.I've never had to deal with a parent that was so rude and acted so immature before. Not only is Rick a parent, but he is technically my boss! He did say sorry shortly after leaving the restaurant but I'm not sure if he really meant it.I have only seen him a few times since then. I think he is scared to talk to me or even tease me. We went out for a staff party this past weekend and my boyfriend's sister invited her new boyfriend. Rick talks to him and jokes around but he doesn't talk to me at all or ask how I am doing, etc. He basically acts like I am not there. Which is fine, but I don't really want this kind of relationship with my boyfriend's father.How do I fix this or how can I just feel better about this situation? Is there anything I can do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2014): Not easy but I would roll with it and Jokingly Insult him back. What's he going to do about it??? If he gets funny about it then say 'what's wrong? cant take it?'
Men that age grew up in a time when women were seen as being a bit more subservient than they are these days and they got it from they're parents who are ancient lol
people that banter like that will respect you more if you banter back at them.
Takes practice though. I'm not very good at it, but im learning
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): it sounds like it's his personality I always say to myself when I can't finish food that my eyes are bigger than my belly hour maybe im not as sensitive about my weight
you could tell your boyfriend how your feeling and he should have a word with him
when my boyfriends mum upset me I told my boyfriend in the politest way not upset him that she hurt my feelings and he had a word and now we are great, don't cause a rift between you and his dad as thats his family he just needs a word with him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): My ex boyfriends parents were heinous too. I grew up in the tropics and the first time I met his father he asked me if I grew up wearing fruit on my head. And then he chuckled. I didn't laugh. He never asked me another question. Later that year at a Christmas party, one of his aunts commented she thought I was great and was happy to see that I ended up with her nephew. My boyfriend at the time proudly told his mother of the remark his aunt had made. His mother rolled her eyes and replied, "well everyone knows your aunt's crazy."
And that's just a tiny slice of how bad they were. They ended up becoming very intrusive in our relationship, trying to control and dominate my boyfriend's decisions when it came to his relationship with me.
And you know who's fault it was that this was happening? It was his. Because he allowed it and never set healthy boundaries with his parents or confronted their poor behavior. So we broke up, naturally. Having offensive in laws coupled with a lover who sits back passively is a recipe for turmoil in a relationship.
I think it is your boyfriends responsibility to set things straight. It's his father. He should talk to his father, explain to him what's acceptable and what isn't and request that he treat you with dignity at all times and apologize to you. So talk to your boyfriend, tell him how you feel and see what he does. Hopefully he will come to your defense and fix the problem.
If he doesn't, all I know is that his passivity might become a big issue in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): Your post grabbed my attention because I have been in your situation precisely. Firstly you have done the right thing standing up for yourself but where is your boyfriend in all of this? If he is repeatedly letting his own father upset you and says nothing that is not acceptable . It is rude teasing about food and weight whatever your size and you should eat what you want. Basically it is none of his business. He saw you as easy prey but didn't expect you to stand up for yourself. Its a bit controlling bit abusive. Now it seems he has covered his actions by getting in first with his version of events and his opinion of you with other family members which taints theirs and makes you feel isolated. My own experience would tell me this situation does not change it is a way of going on in a family. I experienced put downs and snide comments about my weight and food from my boyfriends parents it then progressed to other personal remarks. Unlike you I did not stand up for myself. The boyfriend became my husband and now ex husband. The expectation of my parents in law was that they should be able to say what they like and for me to carry on. As if the issue was mine for not being able to take it. Then when I did stand up for myself I got the cold shoulder. My now ex husband and I argued a lot about it as he never stood up for me. I lost respect for him and his family. Now I am with someone else his family don't make personal comments and I feel totally happy. I am sad I put up with what I did for so long. My advice to you is to do nothing. You have done nothing wrong. Look after your self esteem. Fill your life with people who are positive and supportive and give some thought to whether you need to be part of such a small minded family.
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