A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Ive asked a question about this situation before but there has since been developments therefore i need further advice.My boyfriend of 2 years met up with a friend back in august. This friend wasnt just a friend it was some who he lived with about a year before i met him. They lived together for about two years, slept in the same bed, holidayed together, had the same friends, went to family gattherings. Were most definitely boyfriend and girlfriend although without the exclusive title.Anyway they had a bad fall out and he asked her to move out and has had a grudge since. Although she has constantly tried to message him asking him for help when her cat died, help moving property and just general messages but he has continued to ignore her as he stated he doesnt want to be her friend. Anyway in August she text saying she needed support as her sister was unwell, he discussed it with me but we agreed he wouldnt go as it was just another excuse. However a few weeks later he tripped himself up and turned out he did go over to hers and speak with her and then a few days later they went for drinks. I really wasnt happy about this and was appalled he had lied to me. Following this he said it was a mistake and that he wanted nothing more to do with her. She continued to ring and text and ask to meet up and he ignored her. About 6 weeks after this she continued to ring and text so i asked him why she would do this and if she knew he had a girlfriend to which he replied saying no. I again was so upset! He clearly hadnt told her for some reason despite seeing her on two occasions. Anyway a few days later he text her telling her to back off and that he had a girlfriend. The texts/phone calls gradually stopped. Or so i thought. He was previously telling me whenever she got in touch. But on friday a text popped up on her phone from him. He'd deleted all of the texts before it which is convenient but her text was obviously a reply to something he had sent her. I just dont know what to do now? Why would he stop telling me shes contacting and why would he delete previous texts? What shouldI do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): You know who meets up with an ex and doesn't tell them they are in a relationship? Someone who wants to leave that window of opportunity open.
He values his relationship with her more than his relationship with you or he wouldn't be texting, deleting messages, lying, basically jumping through hoops to maintain his contact with her at the price of your relationship.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 October 2014):
 It doesn't change much because he isn't acting like a committed boyfriend. You said he had no problems telling people that you are in a committed relationship, but expect that so called friend, right? Your boyfriend talks and acts according to what people will accept. I really think he got with you when they were not really clear on what their status is. They are probably still having and on and off relationship. He only said you are him are in an exclusive relationship or else you would have broken up with him already. Don't listen to his words. His actions say that he still has a thing for her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): Sorry im the op. Sorry if the post was confusing. me and him are officially boyfriend and girlfriend and have been after a month of seeing each other. It was him and his so called that never had a boyfriend/girlfriend title. All of his friends/family and all of mine are aware that we're boyfriend and girlfriend and its on social media etc so he has no problem committing to me or telling others that were in a committed relationship. Not sure if this changes anything?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 October 2014):
 Yea, the whole "I want nothing to do with my ex" is a facade. If he REALLY didn't want anything to DO with her, he would block her. delete her number, tell her to stop harassing him. However, I think he only says this to your face to make you think, he would not see her/stray.
And by painting the ex as the villain in the whole drama (she was the reason they broke up and SHE won't stop calling/texting) he is setting HER up to be the bad guy if you find out.
Sorry, he is a sucktastic BF and honestly, you ARE wasting your time on this fella.
I would guess that he deletes the text because he think " What YOU don't know won't make you mad at him". He he doesn't tell you about them because he ALREADY know how you feel about it, however.. HE doesn't CARE enough to STOP the contact, only PRETEND to stop.
So as things stand, what are YOU getting out of this relationship? Enough to "suck" up his behavior and stay? Or not enough?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 October 2014):
 I would be beyond done with this guy. You're with him for 2 years without the title? That means the default title is "Friend with benefits", which translates to "Waste of time".
Then you say that he tells her that you ARE his girlfriend? Doesn't that mean that there's now a title??
You're 30-35. You are no longer at an age where you can waste time on a liar like him, and if you're getting hurt that he's seeing his ex, then you need to drop him. You being hurt means that your feelings for him are well beyond his feelings for you.
You've already done the talking about this, and he doesn't care anymore about what you say. Time to leave him and find a guy who knows how to treat a girlfriend and doesn't have a problem with titles, exclusivity, or an honest, progressing relationship. Most of all, you need a guy who can be faithful....yours doesn't even know the meaning of the word.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 October 2014):
2 years together without an exclusive title means exactly why he feels he can continually meet up with an ex. That's what they probably were when they lived together. He got the girlfriend benefit without ever doing the devoted boyfriend part. Their texts didn't stop because she found that you are his girlfriend of 2 years, but he didn't tell her that in August, so she figured you are not that important in his life. She also knew that even if you told them to stop, they could still continue in secret. She did not stop because he replied to her. He deleted the texts because he promised you to not contact her again. Obviously he broke his promise several times already. I think you know what you should do now. He has unfinished business with her. Two years and this is what you get? Set him free so he can have as many non exclusive relationships he wants.
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