A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I have been dating a guy for about 6 years now. When he was in highschool he had a child with his then girlfriend who kept the child, and my boyfriend supports the kid, monetary wise and even spends time with this kid..about 2 years ago he introduced me to his kid,and the kid (girl) is brought really well, she's nice, sweet..and I love kids so I love spending time with this girl..About 2 weeks ago I noticed this kid always calls me 'mom' even in public, I mean I find it very wierd rather awkward when she says so, like when me and my boyfriend take her out, she says 'mom, dad buy me this'..I just feel very uncomfortable! Is this normal?I really like the kid, but calling me mom? Her mom has left her with her grandmom and is off to university to complete her graduation so all the little girls shopping, even taking her out to play I do, and I'm not complaining I like it..but one day I know I want to be a mother, have children of my own and right now I'm just not ready..!I don't know if I should talk to my boyfriend about this? Or am I just over reacting?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 October 2012):
When I was little, I was the same way to my now, step mom. Being at that age, even so young, you'd still look for normality which includes a woman worthy of being "mom" and you have filled this role in every way emotionally, mentally, and physically. Kids do not think about the one who gave birth :P . Her perspective calling you mom is more pure hearted than anything else in the world and my advice to you would be to learn from it and begin to appreciate it. There is nothing wrong with the girl or you. But in this case, I think it would be wise to cherish this sacred emotion.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): I think the girl is missing her mom and in her child like way has decided to adopt you . It's a complement lol.. Poor thing looking for affection and you seem to be meeting those needs (your very lovely to do so) I think all you have to say to your boyfriend is you don't want to be stepping on his exes toes so to speak and that though it lovely she thinks of you like a. Mom what about calling you AuntyX slot your name in.. It was refreshing reading your post.Take care sweetie.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 The child is looking for a mother figure. He mother has left.
My former stepdaughter was 9 when I started dating her dad. she wanted a mommy so badly but I had to stop her from calling me mommy (she did switch to mommy when we married)
so we came up with a pet name that ONLY she was allowed to use.
she called me LOVEY..... it was NOT mom... it was not even MOM like but it gave her the connection to a female adult she needed and wanted...
Maybe next time you see the child.. (or better yet get permission from you bf to take her out for lunch JUST THE GIRLS) and talk to HER about it... even if she's only 6 or 7 she can get this and she will LOVE private time with someone she clearly wants a connection with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): "Is this normal?"It's normal for the kid. Since her own mother is a virtual stranger to her, it makes sense to her to assume that the woman who's been sleeping in Dad's bed for as long as she can remember and who's always with Dad when they go out in public and who's been taking her shopping and out to play is her "Mom." "I don't know if I should talk to my boyfriend about this? Or am I just over reacting?"Yes, you should talk to your boyfriend, and no, you are not overreacting. Given your lack of a legal relationship with your boyfriend, you should not be acting as his kid's surrogate mother nor should you be such a dominant presence in her life. The kid's had enough dysfunction and instability in her young life; if the child's mother has dumped her onto her grandmother, then Grandma should be the one taking her shopping and taking her out to play.If and when your boyfriend's child uterine host returns, guess whose fault it's going to be for you turning a child against her own mother and you telling the kid to call you "Mom?"
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 How old is this girl? I can understand it happening naturally with a toddler but she must be older so it's a bit more complicated. Especially since her mum has left to go back to uni. It's complex. I think you should talk about it with your boyfriend. It makes you feel uncomfortable and I don't blame you. Is the girl otherwise OK emotionally? Maybe a school counsellor could help if this is a bigger problem than being called mom?
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