A
female
age
41-50,
*haiwallah
writes:My boyfriend and I adopted a 2 year old boxer from a couple that had too many dogs and the boxer became aggressive. They begged us to take the dog and we did. They were very thankful and didn't ask us to pay money and even gave us the cage and toys for free. Since then we have found out the boxer is very sweet but had some emotional issues. The couple came to visit once about 1 month into the adoption and it was hard on me but the visit went fine.Now they are sending the other dogs they own away for a night and want to have the boxer come spend the night with them since they will be dog free. I by no means want to send our dog back to them and I think it's aweful they are even asking. The worst part is that the woman who is asking is my boyfriends boss!!! Although, she will be transferring stores in 1 week and that will no longer be the case. The are asking right now for the second time and want the boxer in the next few days! Am I being selfish by not sending the dog? How do I politely turn them down? What words do I use? I am at loss.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): No don't do it!
Its like people giving their child up for adoption, so the child gets adopted and has a new loving family, and now the first set of people decides they want back into the child's life.
With your dog:
1. The dog already has some emotional issues. He needs a stable home environment. Spending the night at his previous "parents"'s place will confuse him and upset the routine and stability he has only just recently started to adjust to. It isn't fair on the dog. Trust me, I have been working in dog rescue and adoption and fostering for many years.
2. Your dog, your right to decide. Of course your bf, as the other "parent" also has a say and the problem is if he wants to go along with it to make his boss happy maybe because he is afraid for his job...?
A
female
reader, Chaiwallah +, writes (27 October 2013):
Chaiwallah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend is going to nicely handle the situation and tell them no. He and I feel the same and don't want to do it. Thanks for the feedback. This dog is like our child and we spoil her rotten!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 If they love this dog so much then they should also understand that he/she has emotional issues and is still adjusting and settling in with you.
Dogs are intelligent pack animals and this visit may well confuse and disorientate your pet.
If this dog is 2 years old and a male then I am very suspicious as I think they might want to borrow him for stud purposes under the guise of a visit.
It is very strange behaviour on their part. Don't be bullied into agreeing to anything you don't want too.
Your dog is settled and adjusting to a new home and they are being selfish and unreasonable.
It's YOUR dog not theirs. Say NO!
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Sorry, if you GOT the dog, it's YOURS - if they want to come see it, fine but NO they can't have it for a week-end - IF YOU DON'T want that.
What does your BF think?
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A
female
reader, Chaiwallah +, writes (27 October 2013):
Chaiwallah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey were great owners. I am worried about the dog's emotions and I find it odd to ask for a sleep over. My boyfriend and I both don't want to send the dog. When the visit happened the couple continued to cry and carry on. It was hard to take. Also, I really just don't want to share. Our dog is now like our child. We don't even take her to a kennel when we go on vacation. I bake her homade treats, she has a routine, sleeps in out bed and is all around 100% spoiled by us. Right or wrong we treat out dog like a child. I can't say if they would try and keep the dog or not.1. I don't want to traumatize the dog2. I feel the request crosses a line3. I simply don't want to shareThank you for the feedback. The advice you did give was helpful. I'm really trying to not be selfish and be level headed about this. I hope I've provided better info this time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): It's a bit of a weird request. I'm assuming that they had the Boxer from a puppy and so it was their dog for two years? I suppose they might miss it and want to spend some time with it.
If you're not happy letting them have the dog for the night (I wouldn't be), make up an excuse. The dog's had emotional issues and is only just settling in to its new home, you don't want to risk setting that progress back-that sort of thing.
At the end of the day, it's your dog and you and your boyfriend have to agree if this is something that you're comfortable with. A dog isn't a toy that you can play with when you want to. They've chosen to give it to you, it's your choice what you do with it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Can you describe why you are bothered by this? When they came to visit one month in, why did you find it difficult, and why specifically difficult for YOU? Was it only difficult for you? Was your boyfriend fine with it, and does your boyfriend think it's okay to let the boxer spend the night? Why are you so reluctant about this? Were the past owners bad towards the dog? Do they mistreat it?
You'll have to explain more if you want others to understand why you feel this way.
Anyway, if you just don't like it, for whatever reasons, simply say so. That you find it a bad idea, and then state your reasons why. If you don't know why, or you don't want to say why, just tell them that now that the dog is yours you want to build up trust and for the dog to feel it belongs to a new family. And that having sleepovers might just be confusing, and blur the lines of who's dog it is.
But, honestly, I don't see why there'd be a problem. Are you worried they will refuse to give the dog back to you? Or that they will teach it bad manners in one night? What is your concern?
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