A
female
age
36-40,
*ommyOfOne
writes:This is a VERY long story. And I'm not sure if I can get proper answers without starting from the top and explaining as much as I can...My boyfriend and I met in Feb 2008, and were a couple by the end of March 2008. Shortly after becoming a couple, he wanted me to move an hour away from where I live, to be with him. To move in. He is a police officer in a small city, an hour away from Memphis, TN, where I live. I was VERY hesitant at first, considering it was so soon, and that I have a small child that I didn't want to expose to any man, unless I knew it was forever. He asked that I set a time of when I thought I could move to be with him. In April, I told him, "Maybe in July or August." I explained to him my fear of my daughter attaching to someone and it not working out in the end. Every time I tried to push it back, he would push harder that I move out to where he was... At the time, i swore I had met my prince charming. He was EVERYTHING I could have ever wanted in a man. He was absolutely AMAZING. He made a million promises of what would happen when I moved to where he was. We would get married. I could be a stay at home mom. He wanted to adopt my daughter as his own. etc... Needless to say, I moved out with him in June of 2008. With in about 2 weeks, there was a SUDDEN and drastic change in his attitude. He stopped wanting to spend time with my daughter or me. He would sleep all day...and blame it on the stress from his job. He wouldn't let me so much as touch him...let alone anything else. He stopped talking about marriage and adopting my daughter. And one day, his mother came to our house, and both told me I needed to get a job. I was very upset about this. Just weeks prior, he had promised me I could be a stay at home mom. (And this is how he breaks the news that I can't? A tag-team session with his mother?) From that day forward, everything slowly starting going down hill. We would argue about little things. He has a real problem with communication. I believe its due to his job. In his line of work, when someone is smarting off, he just puts them in the back of his car and drives them to the jail... We were struggling financially. Barely making ends meat. Late on bills, no food in the house, the works. He kept pushing for me to get a job, and I kept pushing for him to change cities to a police department that maybe paid more. Which he was strongly against. I felt ripped off. I had been promised apples (being a stay at home mom) and was getting oranges (get a job!). This went back and forth for the months of August, September and October of this year. The fights kept popping up left and right, and no matter what I did, he refused to talk to me about what was going on. In October, he brought up taking a break. We never discussed the rules of the "break". I did try to bring it up, but when I would, he would end the conversation. On November 2nd, he dropped me off in Memphis with my parents, and the "break" began. For the first week, we didn't talk. During that week, I realized all that I had done wrong... I should have just sucked it up and got a job. I should have stopped picking fights. I should have just let his relationship with my daughter grow on its own rather then push and push for him to spend time with her. I came up with a million "I should have's" and swore to myself that I would never EVER do it again. All I wanted to do was get back home and make everything right again. I texted him during that week telling him I was so sorry for all I had done. We talked a little, then didn't talk for a few days. A week after I got to memphis, we started talking again. Every day. All day. We talked about what we wanted changed in the relationship. What we felt was the biggest problem (he says money, I agree and say that lack of communication was also a HUGE problem). What we would do when we got back together. Then, all of a sudden, 5 days after we start talking again, he stops talking. That weekend, what would have been the 2 week mark of our "break", we had made plans that week for him to come to memphis, and spend some time together. But he stood me up. I didn't get a message or phone call Friday. Was no where to be found saturday and sunday, said he had been asked by his mom to go to dinner with her, and couldn't make it. He promised to come out the following Wednesday... About an hour after the conversation, I was on myspape and saw that his sister had posted pics from a party she had thrown that friday. He had gone to this party... In these pictures, he is VERY close to this one girl, who I have never seen or met. The behavior in these pictures is questionable. Definitely to close for comfort. When I asked him about what happened during the party, he said, "Nothing happened. She is an old high school friend." And left it at that. He says he was heavily intoxicated the entire day. Which, I can tell by the pictures that he was. Anyway, I didn't hear from him the rest of the day and monday. Tuesday, I heard from him a little, when he asked if I still wanted him to come out. Needless to say, he did come out. He was here for a day. We had sex, spent time together, etc. But, we did not talk about the break, or what was going on in our relationship. When he left the next afternoon, for me, everything started falling apart. This was november 20th. I did not hear from him for two weeks. During these two weeks, I lost a lot of hope. I didn't know where his mind was. What he was doing. If he had changed his mind. Had he cheated with this girl? And this is how he is going to end it? After two weeks, I sent him a text asking if it was over. He said he didn't want it to be. He asked why I was asking if it was over, and I told him, "I haven't heard from you in two weeks. I don't know whats going on." He wasn't responding to most of my messages, and every call was ignored and sent to voicemail. The next day, I tried calling again, to no answer. Text messages were not being answered either. I did manage to get a hold of him the next day through text. I asked if we could get together sometime this month to talk about where this is all going. He agreed, but didn't set a date of when we would. I have left him alone the past week, in hopes that if I give him space, all will be well. I need to sit down with him and talk about everything. In the past three weeks, we have only talked twice. And that is within the past week. Both times, were incredibly short. Now, I still have his cell phone, which he pays the bill. I have thought that if it was over, wouldn't he want his phone shut off or returned? Maybe that is a sign of what he wants? He still has some of my things, and some of my daughters things with him at his house. I have asked if he wants me to come get the rest of my stuff and leave him this things, and I haven't gotten a straight answer to that question...This is killing me. By far, the most painful thing I have every been through. He never said he wanted a break where we wouldn't talk. He said he wanted me to keep the phone so he could get a hold me while i was in memphis. But, I have barely heard from him. I don't know whats going on. Or if I am stupid for waiting this long without communication. I am willing to wait. He is worth the wait. But, I know I can't wait FOREVER. At some point, I have to throw in the towel and say, mentally i can't take this anymore.There is so much I need to say to him. That I am sorry. That I never meant to put him through some of the stress I did (the job situation, the bickering.). But I can't seem to get a hold of him, and there is no date set for when he wants to get together for this little talk...What do I do...?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Don't call this man again and hope he doesn't call you. If he does, run for your life. You say he is amazing, but the only amazing thing about him is all the promises he made to you and didn't keep. The proof of someone's character is in their actions, not their words. And once you moved with him he didn't even have words for you any more, he gave you the silent treatment! He's got a lot of issues, none of which you or your daughter need to deal with. And you did NOT do anything wrong, so don't let him make you think you did. Don't do any more apologising to this jerk or begging him to come back. If you get back together with him you will be so much unhappier than you are now. Thank your lucky stars that he's gone and chalk him up as a bad episode of your life. You and your child deserve so much better than this!!
A
female
reader, lillyx +, writes (14 December 2008):
Hun im so sorry to say this but i think u should let him go i no its hard but you HAVE to forget about him x
gd luck
let me no x
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