A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am trying to be patient about this.. But, I would like to know how I should be feeling and what not about this.I leave for Texas tomorrow and will be gone away from my boyfriend for 5 days. Yesterday, a friend and I went over to my sisters house (30 minutes away) and were there until 11:30ish. We took my friends car and I accidentally left my car keys at my sisters house. My boyfriend said he wanted to see me before I left for Texas, so I asked my friend to just drop me off at my boyfriends house while I was texting him, asking him if he could just drop me back off at my house tomorrow so I can pack and such for Texas. My boyfriend recently got fired from his job, but has plenty of money saved up to last him a year. He just bought 3 xbox live subscriptions and is considering buying a $150 Kindle, even though he doesn't have a job. I only live about 5-10 minutes away from him. I asked him if he could drop me off, and he said that he couldn't because since he doesn't have a job right now, he doesn't want to drive unless he absolutely has to (so he can save money.) So, I am here at my house, stuck with no car keys which is my fault. I shouldn't have left them. I understand that is my responsibility. But accidents happen. Last night, he was guilt tripping me for not coming over and then said something like "You don't have remorse!" I just don't understand why he can't make that 5-10 minute drive that I make 3120950359 times a week that he NEVER makes -- ONE time. I don't know how to confront him about how much this hurt my feelings, or if I am wrong for feeling this way, or WHAT. He didn't even offer to drive me to my sisters. Then about 30 minutes ago, he texts me asking if we can go to the gym around 8 PM. .. That requires me driving 10 minutes THERE and then 10 minutes back. Normally, I wouldn't complain at all. But, I just find it.. very selfish. Please, someone, help. If he left his keys somewhere -- I'd gladly offer my help. No matter the distance. Because he is my boyfriend and I would want to help him out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): I completely agree with Tisha's comments, I just have one thing to add for you to think about: Do you thi9nk he is withdrawing slightly from the world since losing his job? It made me wonder, since he will spend money on an xbox, which you can play for days on end locked up in your house, but wants to scrimp on things like petrol and so is maybe feeling less keen to go places and do things. This might be completely irrelevant and I don't think you should mention it to him, but just watch out for him withdrawing from other people (not necessarily you!) and subtly help him stay active in life - it can be a problem after losing your job.
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (2 July 2010):
I don't know if I submitted it after I typed it. Grrr. Here it is again:
It's not about gas money.
He's sad that you're leaving for 5 days. You're sad too, right? But you're the one going on an exciting trip, and he's the one being left home alone. So you're not as sad as he is. He wishes you were as sad as he is. So now he's acting a little bratty because of it.
Now is the time for you to be generous with your love and show him how to be the bigger person. Call him up and tell him you want to see him before you leave. Be sweet to him and tell him you'll miss him a whole bunch. Hopefully he takes that as an opportunity to drop the bratty attitude and say bon voyage on good terms.
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Of course he is being selfish. Anyone can see that you aren't overreacting. It sounds more like he just didn't want to do it rather than worrying about the $5 he would have to spend on gas to get you there.
And I agree with Tisha that there is way more going on there then just a 5 minute drive. It sounds like you are putting most of the work into the relationship and he is letting you.
If he can't be decent and kind the day before you leave for a trip, then I can't imagine he is all that giving and caring the rest of the time.
I wouldn't have a talk with him about this incident, I would have a talk with him about the fact that you would like to be met half way in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2010):
 "Sweetheart. I am sorry that I left my car keys at my sister's house. Believe me, it was unintentional and I am finding it very inconvenient.
"What isn't helping is that I feel you are somehow angry with me for doing this, yet you won't help me fix the problem. So I do want to see you, but right now, I'm feeling as though I go out of my way to see you all the time, and you can't seem to extend me the same courtesy, just this once."
I may not have all the details quite right, but what I'm going for is the tone. You want to sound calm, composed and articulate about your feelings.
It sounds as though there's way more resentment built up in you than this one incident. My guess is that this is the straw on the proverbial camel's back.
I prefer the word "discuss" or "share" in place of "confront". "Confront" sounds so in-your-face and aggressive. "Discuss" sounds much more neutral.
I think it's perfectly okay to show your guy you are annoyed and irritated at his attitude and his actions. It's all in how you do it. It IS possible to have a disagreement with no shouting. Maybe the two of you can work on this together?
Good luck with resolving your hurt feelings.
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