A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend havent slept together for months due to his depression and no sex drive and its really starting to get me down as i know hes making time to masterbate to porn...we did try to have sex a few weeks ago but he didn't look happy to be trying and he couldnt get hard??its really starting to make me ill and ive made an appointment to go on antidepressants..its eating me up knowing hes getting hard and turned on by those whores and hes letting me get very down??
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 If he is doing nothing about his depression then why should you wait around and get even more depressed yourself. Sometimes love is just not enough. If he has ED he needs to get help. If he has depression he needs to get help. The hard part is getting him to admit it. If he won't even try then I would be walking out the door.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess its because i love him and wanted to be really really sure before dumping him..its not looking good atm..i know he is depressed but hes doing nothing about it
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 So why are you staying with him? You aren't satisfied sexually and you feel neglected and disrespected.
What really do you HAVE of good stuff to "make" you want to stay with him? Habit? Familiarity? Because it sounds like trust and love is already out the window.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIve mentioned it quite a few times and it always causes arguments with him feigning innocence and then it'll make him more secretive with his usage of porn..its at the point now where he says he doesnt understand why i'm so angry!hes also staring at other girls when we go out and getting lost for words over them+making weird little gasping noises wheb nude women are on the telly so i know the atttaction is there..just not with me!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): He could have ED. He might not be able to get hard enough for intercourse, but even if he's not hard enough, he could still rub one out with porn.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): Porn is addictive to some men and when it is, they tend to lose their sex drive for real women. It sounds as if your bf is addicted. As Honeypie says, it requires very little of him and he's lost interest in true intimacy.
This is his problem not yours and you should not have to go on anti-depressants in order to function in this relationship. Like any other addiction, he's going to have to completely stop watching it. If he can't do it with your help then he may need a therapist. If he won't get help then leave him. I know it will be heart breaking and hard, but you will get over this and be able to move forward. Seriously, do you want to waste years on this guy?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016): Your guy needs help,he doesnt need accusation.He is suffering from ED which can be due to a number of health issues. It is a sure sign of the onset of cardeovascular issues or prostate problems.He should go and see a doctor to have a detailed checkup.He should not ignore these signs because it is such a pity if he is still in his forties to lead a sexless life for the rest of his life. He should seek medical help till this problem is cured. Do you know why he is watching porn? because as most guys who suffer ED can tell you that although you dont get hard enough to be able to accompilish penetration you can still climax and ejaculate. He does that with porn. It has nothing to do with you. Believe me he must be really suffering knowing that he can not have proper sex with a partner.Insist that he gets proper medical help. I strongly advice you not to take antidepressant drugs. They are rubbish. They do more harm than good. Instead take positive action to fight depression. Whenever you are depressed go for a walk in the park or go window shopping or read a good book or do anything you like doing and most important take good care of yourself
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 October 2016):
It isn't the porn that gets him hard, it;s his DRIVE or NEED for ejaculation/orgasm that does it. The porn could contain brown paper bags presented in a sexual manner and he would still go for that OVER you.
Why is that? Well, it's NOT because there is anything MISSING with you, it;s NOT that you aren't hot enough, sexy enough, living enough etc.
Jacking off requires VERY little of him. No need for intimacy, No need for interpersonal interactions, No work, No effort. Sex on the other hand DOES require all those.
The thing is IF he is depressed he should seek help, JUST like you are doing.
Have you considered that this relationship is no longer fulfilling for YOU? My guess is it's NOT just the sex that has become nonexistent?
You taking anti-depressants won't HELP him, but maybe it will HELP you realize that UNLESS he seeks help nothing will change. Love doesn't fix stuff. People do.
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