A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very torn right now as to whether to break up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. Almost all of my friends now are very vocal that I should. He is selfish at times, has drank too much and most recently said he can see a future with me but not willing to take a concrete step forward. Also on Saturday, his ex girlfriend showed up at the same place he was and Mutual friends describe her as very touchy-feely and him not really stopping her. I confronted him about the ex situation and he said she was dancing near him and it meant nothing. They dated for 6 years and he said he's going to be friends with her. An I over reacting to all of this? I just feel its all indications that he's not that serious about me and I want marriage
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think my friends all tell me to break up with him based on what I tell them. I am often upset at his actions or lack of actions. He says I'm exaggerating and now I'm questioning myself. Do I over react?
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 May 2014):
So, your biological clock is ticking... Does that automatically make him the right guy for you?
It sounds reasonable to me that you wouldn't be happy with him in the long run. I know a few people who settled down because they wanted to start a family, not because they found the right person to settle down with, and the results were always a disaster.
Don't make the same mistake.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (13 May 2014):
 All signs are there that this guy is just going through the motions. Firstly you need to consider if its a good idea to settle down with someone who has had, and probably will continue to have, a drink problem, is selfish, touchy feely with his ex and not willing to make any effort. Doesn't exactly sound like a glowing future in the making to be fair. You need to marry someone who is right for you and makes you happy, as apposed to just wanting to be married. Secondly I think you need to accept that he is no longer making any attempt to settle down with you. His lack of interest, the business with his ex and the way you describe this situation makes it clear he is just stringing this out, like someone approaching pensionable age in a job waiting for there retirement. He might say he can see a future with you, but what he says and what he does are tow separate things entirely.Thirdly, your friends clearly almost unanimously are pretty vocal in wanting you to split from this guy. I know some times friends can be jealous, nasty, etc. but if this is most of your good, decent friends then time to take the message.In short: Move on!Mark
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): OP why is the fact that all your friends are very vocally advocating walking away not enough for you?
Do you think strangers on the internet are going to have a magical formula or a nugget of a knowledge that will supersede their opinions?
It's time to walk and you know it.
OP actions speak louder than words. He says he sees a future with you but acts the opposite, won't make the commitment after a year and a half, and gets cosy with his ex.
You know as well as your friends that he's not in this, the only question left is whether you're going to drag this out until he does the walking, or whether you're going to be the one who ends it.
OP trust your friends, they love you and want what's best for you. You know what has to happen here, how much more time are you going to waste on this man?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2014):
 If you are going to go by how you GUESS he feels, you might as well walk away.
You write:
***I just feel its all indications that he's not that serious about me and I want marriage***
SIT him down and TALK. I would say that after 18 months a person have a fairly clear idea if the person they are with is someone THEY want to be with long term or not. Now, he might not WANT marriage and haven't told you, or he isn't sure anymore. It's impossible to say.
The fact that he now feel it's OK for him to be "friends" with the ex makes me think that he could be using her as an excuse to NOT want to get married, to string you along til he decides if there is something there or not.
Talk to him, you are both grown adults and should be able to decide if there is a future here or not.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (13 May 2014):
 HI
maybe you should take a break away from him.I feel he is not ready for commitment,and the more pushy you get you will only push him away. sometimes we fall so deeply inlove with someone thats all we breath. get out and about and do your own things,give him something to miss. he will come running when he sees your backing off. And ifhe dont then he was not the right guy for you.
Mandyx
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