A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years watches gay porn on a regular basis. He has always watched a lot of porn, but about 1 year ago I noticed gay porn and gay dating sites in his search history. He used to say that it was all pop ups from the other porn sites that he visited, but one day I caught his search history before he could clear it. He then told me that he did look at gay porn, but that it was just something that he looked at, and that he has n interest in actually being with a man. He is a very masculine black male, with not one gay tendency.He said he looks at all types of porn, but that he looks at gay porn recently because it is something new, and taboo. I really love this man, but more so he is my best friend. I have been reading other posts, which indicate that this happens in other relationships as well, and I am wondering if someone can give me their experience, and outcome. What did you do about it? Can a straight man really look at gay porn and not be gay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Thank you all. I have asked him and I'm sure he spit out yet another lie..... but he says the gay dating site was for the amateur videos. I actually created a profile with no pic, and searched for him on the site, and he was not on there, at least not registered in our area.
Then there is craigslist, which has unbelievable opportunities. He never leaves the house, and does consulting from home. He is here 7 days a week, and we spend everyday together. He is kind, and we get along great, but some days moody and quite. He has always been like that, so no change there. The sex is really great, but we only have it 2 times a month on average. He is at a point in life where he is not ambitious, and at a standstill as far as his career, and life. We have talked about it before, and all he says is that people like different things, and he is grown, so if he wants to look at gay porn he will. When I bring it up he cold shoulders me for a while, and acts like he is really sad, or on the brink of a major reality check.....
I know what the answer is here, but I more than anything want to know how to help him through this, so it isn't so damaging(for both of us)5 1/2 years is a long time when you're in your 20's.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (21 November 2010):
 I'm going to have to agree with the anonymous poster. Straight women watching lesbian porn is a far cry from men watching gay porn. Speaking as a woman who has watched lesbian porn before, I enjoy it because of the oral. Which I know how it feels obviously therefore it turns me on. I couldn't be more straight and I have never visited a lesbian dating site. Gay porn for men is quite different. Maybe watching a blow job cause that'll be about the same despite who is doing it, but watching a guy take it up the... yeah, I agree that a straight male would find it very difficult to watch, let alone get off by it. I think your boyfriend could be bi, not completely gay or not into you. I don't know that he could be straight and checking out guy dating sites. But as lazyguy says- how is it ok to be on a dating site when you are together, straight or gay? That isn't porn... That's searching for a partner. I would be very worried if I were you. Be careful and watch out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): When it comes to being attracted to the same sex, men and women are no where near being on the same page.
Gay porn is something a totally straight man would find difficult to watch.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 November 2010):
 Not one gay tendency, except watching gay porn and visiting gay dating sites.
Even if the porn is only curiosity, why the dating sites.
And that adds a serious element. Dating sites are for dating. Not jacking off. So, he is doing far more then looking at naked men fucking each other, he is talking to them on sites designed to meet up with men.
But even if he isn't gay, isn't visiting the dating sites wether they be bi, straight or gay already damning enough?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): @pinktopaz I think there was a typo when she typed her question -
"and that he has n interest in actually being with a man" really means "and that he has NO interest in actually being with a man"
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 November 2010):
In your question you said, "...and that he has n interest in actually being with a man." A man that has an interest in being with another man is gay, that's pretty clear. However, he may have always thought about it in the back of his mind but ignored it. Now I know this happens, but men who watch porn frequently get desensitized by it and grow bored of the "normal" porn and start moving on to watching the more risque type of porn.
There's nothing you can do about it unless you want to sit there and wait, worried that he's having gay affairs behind your back and hoping he doesn't bring home any diseases and wait for the day for him to tell you that he likes men and not you anymore. Or you can be disgusted that your boyfriend (like most women would be) may not even be into you sexually and dump him. You can't change him, so it's your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): The gay porn i could probably deal with. I know a lot of women watch lesbian porn but are straight. On the other hand, the gay dating sites i would keep an eye on.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (21 November 2010):
“What did you do about it?” you can’t do anything about someone mental state. He’s turn on by both sexes but he prefers women. At some point he will be with a man.“Can a straight man really look at gay porn and not be gay?” Yes that’s true, but I bet he’s bi-sexually though and there’s a different between the two. Bi-sexual guys are more risky than any thither group out there. www.cdc.gov
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): Im a female and i look at girl-on-girl but im not turned on by it. Its more like....huh...so thats what people are doing nowadays :P I wouldnt be to worried unless he seems distant and a bit neglectful. It also depends on your love life in th bed. Good Luck, my friend.
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