A
female
age
30-35,
*una Hawkins
writes:I've been with a guy for a year and a half, we started living together almost as soon as we started dating in December of 2009 (first mistake, but I thought it would be ok because he was ok with it and he'd been living with his ex of 3 years almost a year before) He's a year older than me. He was the first guy i really felt i was in love with and I'd barely dated previously. My second mistake was losing motivation with my goals, I quit college twice, found stupid excuses to quit about 4 different jobs, and lived off him while being supported from a short distance from my parents. But he never really indicated how much it bothered him.Last month I finally got back into college for good this time, no quits, taking one class, signed up for more next semester. Here's the thing: I'd said how bad I felt for not supporting him financially and he kept saying it was more important for me to do school than try too hard for job, even though I continued trying. He works at walmart and makes barely enough to get by. A fight broke out between me and the bipolar, schizophrenic roomate that led to me packing all my things and ready to leave. He understands why I did what I did but is upset regardless. A few hours doing our own thing apart, I meet up with him and a friend who lived with him with his ex, who knows me very well. They had been talking in my abscence. The bf tells me he loves he and acts like all is forgiven 'til that night the friend says that me and the bf need a break, for him to save money and get into a more permanant living situation, for me to get a decent job and do my college work. I'm scared by the emotional distance and questioned whether he really cared. Later he texts me saying no matter what, he still loves me. Well yesterday I get done with a job interview and meet him up with the friend to give him a ride. We get back to their apartment and I'm about to leave. I'm upset because he says he doesn't know whether it's ok to kiss me while we're on break but we did. After that I tried to act calm and relax with my friends but my mind won't let it go. I needed to know where we stood so I went back and confronted him. I told him I was ok with living apart but why the need for the emotional break. He tells me he expected me to be stronger person when we first started dating, how he feels he wants to be alone for a while, that nothing was certain, that he doesn't intend to see anyone else but tells me I might find someone else. He feels we can be happy together again when we are both successful. He felt pressured by me merely wanting answers. I asked for even the vaguest time frame and he tells me 6 months at the least....My pain is unbearable. I can't contact him or I will push him away. I told him to contact me whenever, but it's all up to him now. I still don't understand why he didn't trust me to get my life straight while we're still together but physcially apart. I would have been ok with that. I don't know how I can stand for so long not knowing when I would hear from him, when the past few hours alone have torn me to pieces. I knew how attached I would become and never thought this would happen, I refuse to look for anyone else. I'm clinging to a tiny spark of hope not even knowing if I should, but scared to death of letting go of the hope...I wish more than anything I could turn back time and escape this nightmare. From being together every day now to not even small contact is heart-breaking. Please, somebody lend me your thoughts...I need help...
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reader, Luna Hawkins +, writes (24 July 2011):
Luna Hawkins is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you think he could be hiding something?
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