A
female
age
30-35,
*rue2yourself
writes:Need to gain his trust back, how do I do it?My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months, we saw eachother everyday for two months straight, fell in love right away but rushed into things incredibly too fast. I'm not used to having a steady boyfriend so this was all a new experience for me. Just a few weeks ago my boyfriend came to pick me up from a bar but a guy that was hanging around me all night pulled me into the back of the bar and kissed me, just so happens that was at the same moment my boyfriend walks in and saw everything. Since I had no feelings for this other guy and just figured we were both very intoxicated I brushed it off as if nothing happened. Little did I know my boyfriend witnessed it all and held it in until the next day. Its been a few weeks now and he still hasn't got off my back about the whole situation. He has changed drasticly with the way he treats me. He talks to me as if I'm one of his guy buddies, says rude comments, gives me rules for when I go out, gives me curfues, and just is overall completely insecure with the relationship.Just last night he got drunk and spilled all of his feelings of the situation on me explaining that he is confused and isn't sure if he wants to be with me anymore. That he was in love with me but now isnt and has no trust for me that I have to gain it back gradually. He even told all of his friends and even his parents!! I really didn't think it got to him this badly until he got his parents involved.Basicly all it comes down to me gaining his trust again but I really feel like he is punishing me everyday for what I did and it's hard for me to want to gain his trust. But I do love and care for him.How do I gain trust of this situation? I've never been caught cheating before. Do I just end it before it gets worse? or is there a process to this whole thing. Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Sorry honey, you can't. It's gone. Once it's in the guys head, it's in his head. Even if it didn't mean anything, SOMETHING HAPPENED. And you could have prevented that from even getting that far. My opinion is break up with him, and get over it, because he won't. I know it's sad, but you've only been dating for a few months.....Trust me...it's over. I've been through the same thing....Not worth the headache...
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 You wait for the storm to pass. You may have to hunker down till it is finally over and then you survey the destruction which the storm has caused to your properties.
What do you do?
You go about restoring those things back to their original place.
If you love your place, you stay put. If your house is completely destroy , you have a choice to move to another location or rebuild a new house on the same plot.
All the best to you.
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A
female
reader, chaos girl  +, writes (5 April 2010):
you say a few things of interest there. 1 that you were kissing in the back of the bar and 2 you say u've never been CAUGHT cheating. did u kiss the other guy back and have u cheated before?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): When ever you begin a relationship seeing each other every day and falling in love very quickly this is a red flag that the person you are with is impulsive and can fall out of love just as quickly..you seeem to fit that profile and possibly so does your boyfriend.
I seriously doubt that it was jut one kiss from the drunk dude in the bar and miraculously your boyfriend walked by at that moment. My gut tells me you were making out with him in the alley of the bathrooms so as not to be seen or so you thought and there was some groping going on.
One thing you might do to regain is trust is to admit your mistake and apologize without justifying your behvior with I was drunk. That is never a justification for anything in fact in points to the problem you have handling booze.
Stay out of bars and quit drinking to excess.
The rest is really up to him and if he needs to monito your whereabouts in order to build his trust back with you than you may have to tolerate that and do what is needed.
My other guy is that you are both too immature to have a serious relationship anyway and you might just be happier going your seperate ways and living your wild days and nights that you prefer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Did you even push the guy away when he kissed you in the bar, or did you go with it and kissed him back? First off, do you consider what you did cheating or not? Maybe you should re-think this relationship too. Your boyfriend held it in for a whole day, and he told so many people BEFORE confronting you and actually getting the details of what happened. Maybe it was just too early in the relationship for a bomb like this to hit you two and the relationship wasn't ready for it, nor strong enough.
But know that even if you do work to get his trust back, this does not mean he will stop punishing you. Trust is something he must choose to give back to you, and that is all up to him. He might never want to forgive you. He might never get over it.
I will advice you to NOT let him push you around and give you curfews. This will only make him want to control you more and does not help him gain his security. He might in fact grow more insecure. He needs to make a choice, either trust you or not. You have to also make him comfortable with trusting you. You having a curfew will not improve anything.
Do NOT let him push you around. Make him comfortable by doing other things, like doing romantic things together and finding your way back. Not by you being controlled.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 So,you go to a bar, get drunk, kiss the first guy who's groping at you because he's drunk too. No big deal, you say. Worse things happen.
personally I might agree with you, but have you tried seeing the scene through your bf's eyes ?
Use your imagination and think how would you like this scenario : you are in love with a guy ,and you trust him. You go pick him up from a bar, and you find him kissing some stranger under your very eyes. You call him on that and he shrugs :hey,I was intoxicated,that's what I do when I am intoxicated, don't bother me about this,
Are you sure you would be totally cool with that ?
Of course he's hurt now, and angry too. he's just human. If you want to save this relationship, you'll just have to be patient and understanding , and just keep being on yr best behaviour until he has time to put things in perspective and to realize that your (hopefully ) many good qualities outweigh your fault of being too friendly to strngers in bars.
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