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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me and my bf have been together for a little over a year. He occasionally watches porn when im not around. we dont live together...and only see each other about once a week. hes always honest, caring and loving and we have a great relationship. we have a great sex life as well. hes honest about how he watches porn every once in awhile...he says he does it to learn more and practice it on me. he says he doesnt do it to jerk off to the 'fake' women, and he loves the ' real thing'...me. when he says he does it purely to learn and practice on me, should i believe him? it hasnt caused any problems in our relationship so far, but still, as many women feel, i still have that little twinge of doubt and self conciousness. what should i do???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I dont think he will learn how to make love to a woman by watching porn. Nor do i think he is watching it with a clip board and taking notes! He is watching porn and masturbating. Then trying out some of the things he liked on you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Porn is to "rub one out" as my hubby calls it...
there is NOTHING real life about porn... it's so fake.
we watched some soft core porn on "skin-a-max" saturday night and we laughed ourselves to sleep... it's so NOT real life...
his watching porn even to jerk off is not a reflection on you... it does not make him love you less, nor does it make you less of a woman or not his type...
porn is around and easily available... many men (NOT ALL) watch it some now and then, some more regularly, and there are some that are addicted to it.
but to say you are watching porn to practice? what is he practicing?
or for learning new things? like what? nope... crock o poo in my book.
he watches porn to jerk off when you are not around..
it's faster and easier... and as long as when you are together it's good for both of you, then I see no problem with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): and the thing is im attractive and hes always saying how attractive iam...hes cute but hes not like gorgeous or anything...hes a tad nerdy actually. does he feel inadequete to me and is that tne reason he watches it? still, youd think watching me would be enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): That's a common excuse for looking at porn. If you don't like porn use find out early and do not enter a relationship with that person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I'm with Yos.
Porn has nothing to do with reality. You do not become an instant pastry chef by watching Cake Boss either.
Being a good and attentive lover takes PRACTICE with the one you love.
Now if he was watching INSTRUCTIONAL SEXUAL movies I might be inclined to believe that he wants to learn things, but porn? That is just for a quick wank and tug.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): I'd actually believe what he says in terms of the practice thing, by believe I mean give him the benefit of the doubt.
I have to say though he's complete idiot if that's the case, watching porn to practice for sex is like watching the Expendables to practice being a soldier, yeah running through explosions shooting from the hip is not going to do you any favours in real combat.
The solution to this is simple OP. Tell him you want him to practice on you if he wants to practice. If he wants to have a mindless, emotionless quick wank on his own then fine, most of us guys do that and most of us use porn like women use a vibrator, watching the act of sex on screen makes it ten times faster more efficient. Nothing to do with the fake actors or their fake orgasms. Masturbation can be 5-20 minutes dreaming up a sexual scenario or 30 seconds - 1 minute using porn. Neither mean anything.
just tell him practice on you, if he's just using them for meaningless wanks that you want to him to be far more discreet, not while you're around, no collections and not traces of it anywhere, you simply do not want to see any evidence of his usage and as long as he maintains a fulfilling sex life with you then there is no issue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): It's sad that these days people feel - if he's being serious that is - they have to watch porn to learn about sex.
Porn isn't some perfect model of sex and intimacy that we're all supposed to be working towards - and it actually causes long-term problems when you consider what it represents - it's basically telling you that *this* is what you have to do, which invariably involves saying degrading things to your partner ('you love that don't you, you slut'), 'banging' them in a way that's far from romantic, before pulling out at the last minute and cumming on your face or chest.
Is that how *you* want to be treated in bed?
Sex is something that's so very personal, that the only person he can learn from is you. You'll be able to tell him how you like to be touched and made love to, whether you like it fast or slow, rough or gentle.
It's refreshing that he's honest about watching porn - it seems a lot of men aren't - but let's not dress this up as something it's not - he's watching porn because he needs something to jack off over when you're not around - not because he wants to learn - and if he *does* think he's learning from it, you need to take him aside and explain to him there's no magic formula for sex, and it certainly doesn't come from porn.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Porn is terrible practice for sex. Since when does sitting on a chair staring at a computer screen with one hand down your pants improve your ability to connect with someone?
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 To learn and practice on you? Did you know your bf was planning to shot a porno starring you guys?
Porn is purely for entertainment and to give people a quick relief, you dont watch porn to 'practice' anything, because most of the things in porn, people dont do in the bedroom.
Sex in a relationship is more loving and fulfilling, but sex in porn is just a f*ck, nothing more, nothing less. No feelings involved, just for the camera.
Your boyfriend likes to watch porn, its as simple as that. No biggie, happens in most relationships.
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