A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiI am 23 year old and I know my boyfriend since primary school. our parents are friends and we became friends as well .we are in a relationship since 10 grade. the problem is ,he sometimes abuses me , makes me cry for some stupid nonsense stuff and doesnot feel to apologize. he takes me for granted and want things to be done his way.he wants to be dominating and always dominates. sometimes its fine but sometimes when he is wrong, he just wont listen!!! and still do what he wants. that way I am also compelled to do wrong many a times!!!!As such ,he is very friendly, humerous, jolly, polite with others but with me , he is altogether different. he made me shun all my school friends and now I am not in touch with them but he himself talks to them!! (we had common school friends)we are in a long distance relationship meeting twice a year(I am in a med school and he is an engineer in different states) and whenever we meet, its mostly about getting physical and not about talking and going out together. when asked, he says its his form of love!! We have been intimate a few times but never had sex. one year back at my grandfather's funeral, he came , took me to my room and started getting physical. I was sad but he was least bothered about it!! next day , I called him saying I want to meet because I wanted him in my difficult time(I was very close to my grandpa) but he flatly refused to come saying he had come yesterday only...he says he loves me and wants to marry me but I fear that he will do such things and even worse after marriage. what shall I do? I know him since ages but at the same time feel hurt and demoralized.please help. thankyou
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): Sounds like the ideal man you would want to spend the rest of your life wife then ....
no he is a dick , so you should get rid of him .
he will not suddenly change when you get married , if anything he will get worse
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 May 2015):
 It will continue after marriage, without doubt. BUT what you are seeing now is but the tip of the iceberg. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect women in general I'd say.
He KNOWS you are QUITE a prize - but that is all you are. Not an equal partner, someone to dominate, to own.
I'm sorry, but I think you can do a MILLION times better than this guy.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 May 2015):
 Sorry Hon, but just because you marry someone it doesn't magically change them!
There are lots of red flags here, my advice to you is to get out of this relationship. He doesn't love you, he just wants to control you. Once you are married then he can really control and abuse you and there is nothing you can do about it, short of divorcing him.
Sorry if this is not the answer you were hoping to hear.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (18 May 2015):
 There are red signs staring at you and you refuse to see Cuz you seem to be so "blinded" by what you call is love but huni its far from love atleast for him!I can understand the trauma because I lost my grandma early this year as well and I was depressed and my boyfriend supported me and hugged me and asked me to tell him everything I want to talk about my grandmother!but what your boyfriend did at your grandfathers funeral is just unacceptable not when your going thru that!its a shame..he is not treating your right,not respecting you!is this want you want to me "unhappily" married!he either changes and gives you the respect you deserve or loses someone who put up with his erratic behavior for so long!I hope your realise you deserve more and how he is treating you is wrong on every way!please open your eyes and do what is right!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): Dear anonymous poster,
The fact that you are asking yourself all those questions shows that deep down you do believe you are worth more than this. I know that at this point and, when you are still in love with him, any arguments or advice would probably be in vain. I know this, because I have been there.
If you do want more help, let me know. I wish you all the best!
And if you don't feel well, keep reaching out to people. be it your friends, family or even strangers on the internet just don't shut yourself away from everyone who would help you when you are in pain.
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A
male
reader, JayT79 +, writes (17 May 2015):
I would dump him. If he's abusing you know before marriage, best believe that he will abuse you in the marriage and it will get worst.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2015): I think you would be making a mistake if you married this guy he seems not to care for you at all. He should be loving and kind but he is not. Sorry if this not the answer you want but he is too controlling you should not be made to give up your friends.
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