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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months and he took me away to Italy. When we were away we went to a nightclub. A few days after i found a card near his wallet with his contact details on it and saying on the card that "I am with my girlfriend so please be discreet if you are interested and you are belissima" I felt so sick in the stomach that he could think of doing this. I confronted him about it and he said that it was an ego thing and he realised what he had done and decided not to give it to her. I am not sure what to do and would like some advice. Not sure if i can trust hi again. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): I'm really curious to know what would of happened if you had not found the card, and confronted him on this???
A
female
reader, michelina1963 +, writes (18 January 2006):
Once a cheet always a cheet .Dump this looser! He will not change at all and in the long run it isnt worth the broken heart that he is leading you on.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (18 January 2006):
Well I guess it depends on, do you believe him or not? No one here can tell you to believe in him or not, that would be wrong, its your choice, but don't let love cloud your judgement. It probably was true ,that he was only doing it for a ego boost, and its good that he can idenitfy why and knows that he should stop it- thats one step forward. If you wish to stay with him, and want to work through this, he needs to find a way to feel better about himself. That doesnt mean you need to be all over and whatever and be with him all the time, he needs to know that him by himself, standing as a person alone is worth alot and is worthy of you and is a good person- girl with him or not. Sounds to me with his insecurites causing him to feel the need to go with another woman, is a big issue. Perhaps he should go to counselling as it sounds he may veery well have some deep underlying issues about the way he feels about himself.
I know you must be veyr hurt and his reason for a 'ego boost' is not accepatble and never will be, but if you do love him and you do want to work through it (yet no1 would blame you if you didnt wnat to work thorugh it either) then you have to understand why he did it and try to help him to learnt to love hismelf a bit more. This can take alot of time, years normally, for osmeones confident to get right up. Thats why I suggested cousnelling for him perhaps.
having said that, the trust is probably gone and that wil ltake tme to build up again.
Just think about thigns a bit more and talk to him and most importnatly let him know what he did was NOT accepatbale.
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A
female
reader, MilanaNYC21 +, writes (18 January 2006):
 In a short answer, you cant trust him. Especially because he has proven to be extremely emotionally unstable. One moment he is putting out money to take you to ITALY and the other minute he is flirting with a female who lives miles away. His ego is not the problem, its his lack of common sense and morals!
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