A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and we have the worst sex life I have ever had in a relationship. I love him more than anything and hope we get married someday. We have talked about a future together and are planning to move into together, but I am worried I may never be satisfied in the bedroom department, which I cannot live with. Every time I try to bring it up to him he gets angry or shuts down and never tries any of my suggestions, not even once. He has been with several women before me, but just as sex, never in a relationship. He was exposed to sexual stuff at an early age and has had a job (not now)where he goes to high profile parties with half naked chicks and maybe that has contributed to his issue of just thinking of sex as banging and not for both people's pleasure? He looks at porn every to every other day which I'm sure only contributes to his viewing sex as just sex. I can count on one hand the amount of times he has touched me down below before sex and he has never given me oral sex or anything before we engage. When he has an erection, it's like flip over and that's it. The majority of the time it hurts me cause I'm not physically ready, but he always gets off in less than 5 minutes and it's only in the morning when he wakes up with an erection. He says he loses interest if I am on top or in any other position and his erection goes away. I know he is used to just banging slutty girls and never talking to them again, but he says he wants to treat me differently cause he respects me. Could it be possible that he can't combine the lines of having sex with someone he actually respects. I know he is attracted to me and tells me I'm hot all the time. Sometimes he is embarrassed to try new things cause he says thinks he will be bad, but then he never actually tries. I love him so much, but I'm getting really resentful that I would do anything to please him and it's not reciprocated. I give him oral sex, but not once has he given it back. I am so frustrated! and I'm worried it's coming to a breaking point because I am starting to miss my ex boyfriends in bed. That's such a horrible thought and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'd pay right now to have someone please me like I know I deserve and have been in the past. Okay, for my question, what do I do?? How can I bring things up without offending him and how can I get him to venture out? Sometimes he says he wish it wasn't like this either, but he can't help it. I know he used to do steroids in high school and college and maybe that is why he can't keep an erection 75%of the time and has to do it fast? He's only in his mid 20's. I just don't know what to do and I'm so sad that I finally found a man I truly love, but maybe he's not the whole package? Last thing, he's pretty self-centered and kindof lazy by nature, but I try to not take it personally. I know I would do anything for someone I love to keep them happy, but I don't kwow if he would. Could it be that he thinks I am not really the one for him? He says he wants to marry me and all that. Okay, the end of my confused rant. Please help. Any advice is appreciated.
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a break, erection, miss my ex, my ex, oral sex, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BAMMM  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 For me, this would be a deal breaker in a relationship and i would have to leave!
I reccommend you talk to him about this.
Also, i suggest you refuse to have sex with him without him giving you oral and trying poitions you like, and if he refuses or can't get it up, then don't give him oral or let him have sex with you!
and if things dont change, i would recomend you end the relationship!
this is just not healthy!
good luck
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 August 2010):
 I'm going to be blunt, but this man does not have respect for you. He is being INCREDIBLY selfish in bed. Like unbelievably so. Why do you even have sex with him? He doesn't give you any foreplay and you say it hurts! You only do it exactly his way on his schedule. He actually loses his erection if you're on top or take control? He's basically treating you like a heated sex doll. I know you love him, but if he's not willing to even discuss something tearing you two apart, then he's being immature and selfish. He doesn't want to talk about it or change because he likes it the way it is. You give him what he wants, and he doesn't work at it. What happens when you two have a disagreement about something when you live together? Or when you both have to do chores? Think he'll contribute equally there too? I don't think you should take your relationship to the next levels (moving in, marriage) until this is completely resolved. A sex life is a very important thing in a successful relationship. You deserve someone who will love you in every way, not just be romantic and masturbate with your bits. You deserve better. This isn't your fault, it's entirely him. You're being way too giving and nice on this. You should find someone who appreciates that instead of abusing it.
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A
female
reader, Ask and you shall receive..(well,ill try my best) +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Sex is very important in a relationship for both partners, so i understand your frustration. I know this might seem strange, but have you ever considered watching porn together? so it will excite you and him both at the same time, and start to work your way from there, like u can find some kama sutra books and let him do any position as long as your facing each other-to make it feel more sensual for you. For oral sex he can use the sex gels that are edible or edible underwear to really get his attention.
I agree you have a bit of a situation, but all problems have solutions.
Take baby steps with him, so as not to bruise his male ego, and tell him calmly. I think he needs to cut down on his porn firstly!he might be getting too used to pleasuring himself that he'd be numb to your touch!
Hope i helped and good luck!
And keep strong - don't do anything that you don't want to do also!:)
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