A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend through work about 7 months ago when he was with his ex girlfriend of 1 year, 7 months. He broke up with her about 4 months ago and we started going out straight after. However he went through a stage where he said he needed time to be on his own after being with his previous girlfriend for so long, before getting with me. I should have given him space, but instead I feel like I pushed him into being with me straight away; texting and calling him every day. We did get together, and everything was fine until 3 days ago when he said he wanted time to be ready to treat me right. I can see why he wants this time because I pushed him into it before. He also said he finds it hard working together because we can't have fun at work like we do when we're together. I have brought our relationship into work before when I shouldn't have, and these 3 days when I haven't really spoken to him have made me realise this. When he said he needed time, he just said that he was going to "try and sort this"; which I think means he needs to sort out his head. I also texted him the first day he said he needed space, saying that I couldn't wait for him forever and that he would lose me completely. He said that he was sorry but he did need time. I haven't heard from him since yesterday morning when he said he would try and "sort this", and I have been trying to do other things to take my mind off him but it is really hard. The next time I see him will be at work at the weekend, but I'm not sure whether to text him asking to see/speak to him, or text him saying I miss him so that he knows I still care, or maybe write him a letter/email telling him how I feel, or just not do anything. These 3 days have made me see that I would do things differently, but I'm just not sure what to do now. I don't want him to think that I don't care about us, and I will wait for him, but I don't know if this is his way of letting me down. I asked him if he wanted to break up, and he just said he wanted time to feel ready to treat me better, which makes me think he does just need time so maybe I should just wait and give it to him, even if it is hard. I love him, and I feel like he is my soulmate.. we just get on so well when we're together that it hurts so much thinking that I might not be with him. Please help!
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 Clearly you don't understand the concept of "space".
He hasn't been single in two years and made it clear that he didn't want to get into another relationship, but for some reason you refused to accept this and forced his hand. Now he's doing what he wanted to do in the first place, which was to be alone.
Honestly, with the way you've behaved, your threat of not waiting for him forever is probably a good thing for this guy. Don't be surprised if he uses this break as an opportunity to end things with you entirely, which he has every right to do.
The only thing you need to do is give him the space he asked for.
Stop smothering him.
Stop being manipulative (yes, you are manipulative).
Stop trying to force him to be in a relationship with you.
Don't write him a letter.
Don't text him.
Don't call him.
Don't do anything; you've already done too much
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 January 2010):
So you admit you've made mistakes... and now he's asking for time and space and you texted him anyway telling him he would get dumped if he wasn't careful.....
Give the poor guy a break! If you can't cope after 24 hours without contact then you must have been seriously smothering him.
Go out with your friends and build a snowman or something. Give him the space he has asked for.
As for work, just be professional. You don't bring your home life into work so just do your job, and then let him know you're available afterwards if he wants to talk but are also happy to just go home.
Good Luck!! xx
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