A
female
age
30-35,
*ovebites122
writes:So this is kind a long story that will lead to the question. Please give me some advise though.I am currently dating someone and have been for a month. Now my ex, who was made at the fact I was dating his friend or anyone for that matter, said he was sorry and started to talk to me and act all nice. When I started dating his friend he said he never wanted anything to do with me after that, and at the time I was fine with that because he seemed like he wanted to move on.But recently he had been talking to me. He told me he had to act like he didn't like me because we worked together and he was my boss at the time, I changed jobs shortly before I began dating my boyfriend, and that he did want to be with me and missed me. That he just didn't want to be with me because he was had owned a lot of money for schooling and if I did wait for him we could be together. That why wont he want to be with me if he couldn't stop thinking about me.After that day, almost a week ago, I can't get him off my mind. I'm sort of happy with my boyfriend but he doesn't please me like my ex and I'm pretty much taking care of him. He lives with me but I pay the bills, buy the food, pick up the apartment and do the laundry. I feel like I'm being used more than anything.I think I should break up with him and just allow myself to think but I don't want to hurt him and he made it clear if I broke up with him because of my ex it would hurt him.What I'm asking is what do you gal's think I should do? I want an opinion but family isn't really helping. Help please
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broke up, money, move on, my boss, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2014): First of all, I really think it's a TERRIBLE idea to live together before *at least* 6 months.
Secondly, I do think you need to break up with the current guy because it appears to be just a rebound and he's also incredibly lazy.
Lastly, take time for yourself. You still need to work, obviously, but don't try to date anyone else, just find ways to enjoy being single for the next several months :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 July 2014):
 I agree fully with Auntie Bim.
DUMP the current BF - he was a rebound for you, no more. BUT he is ALSO a moocher. Seriously? He lives there and do nothing? Pays nothing? and on top of that doesn't make any efforts to please you? Yea, he is like a 3 week leftover in the fridge... "gotta-go"!
Your ex, don't fall back into anything with him either. THERE is a good reason you two broke up. And it's NOt the one he is giving. The fact IF he couldn't date you because he was your boss HE shouldn't have STARTED to date you either. It's a nonsensical reason.
Take a GOOD long break from dating, DO NOT talk to either guy.
Take some time for YOU. Focus on you and what you want. Not on pleasing everyone who WANTS things from you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 July 2014):
 Moving some guy in and committing to supporting him financially after only one month and the fact you say you "feel as if you are being used" suggests you are not very in tune with your intuition.
What the hell girl! I don't know why you say your family are not really helping, that is a whole different story altogether, so lets concentrate on the problem you have presented to us.
New boyfriend of one month.
Already moved in.
you pay the bills.
you clean the apartment
You do the laundry.
He "doesn't please" you.
He certainly has landed on Easy Street hasn't he. I'm not surprised you are not pleased. What does this wonderful catch of a man do for you. All that mothering, and cleaning, and feeding and sex on the side. Whoo hooo.
My advise regards this young man? Move him out. Tell him to get a job and prove he can live on his own, pay his own bills and do his own laundry before you will even LOOK at him again.
As for your ex .... leave him as your ex. Instead of moving from one guy to the next, moving them into your home before you even know them properly, taking care of all their needs, sex, food, bills, laundry, how about you take care of yourself for a change.
Recognise the fact that a woman without a man hanging off her (with his hand firmly attached to her credit card) is no less a woman for not having a man (user) in her life.
Make a promise to yourself that you are okay without a man in your bed or in your life. Accept you need to learn some skills in attracting a different sort of man.
Go learn some skills, anything to start you on your new life's journey. Learn how to value the fruits of your labour (your work) instead of frittering them on others who have no value for you or what you do.
Put a savings plan in place, set up a budget, set a goal, be that a trip to Antarctica or a trip on the Siberian Railway or a new car, whatever.
Decide you, and your work, is worthy of reward. Put some goals and plans in place. Start respecting yourself, recognise you are more than somebody else's meal ticket.
There is plenty of help available, both online and off. Accept that help.
Don't accept second best, and that is what you have been doing up to now.
Good luck!
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