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female
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anonymous
writes:NB Previous question didn't go through I don't think. Boyfriend of ten yes ten years standing has just returned from USA and didn't bring me a single thing back! Don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting a side of American beef but just a tiny slice of America eg some different food or a flag,just something small!!! To make matters worse he went with his grown up son and he did buy his GF a pressie! I laid into him in no uncertain terms and he was very crestfallen I'm glad to say. He's not a great one for generous gifts tho I've had a few bits and pieces and I keep my gifts small too although really I'd love to buy him the world! Maybe I'm just spoilt,what do you reckon? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gorgeous Gal +, writes (25 July 2016):
I did actually drop a few hints saying I would have liked him to bring me something small back which makes him seem very uncaring( which he isn't) Anyway a trivia I think in this appalling world. Thanks for you answers.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 July 2016):
 I think if he in those 10 years have SUCKED at little thoughtful gifts for you, then maybe you are a little unrealistic in expecting him to do it THIS time. I agree with anon male on that.
However, in the future when he travels why not tell him :" bring me back a little "slice" of *insert country*".
My husband is NOT great at giving gifts, unless you are VERY specific in what you want, then he is great. So in a sense over the years we have both learned to compromise. I, by telling him WHAT I'd like, and him by getting me the gift. I don't ask him what HE wants though, because I pay attention to things he mention and make a mental note of it for later. Each person is different.
I think going OFF on him over not getting a trinket is "acting" spoiled. I would just have told him that I was a little disappointed that he didn't THINK of it himself to bring home SOMETHING from the vacation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2016): I gave your answer some thought. I was going to say you were being petty and childish. No, I really don't believe that. I think it was a small expectation and you got disappointed. Not that he didn't bring you anything, it's the principle that he didn't show he cared. Isn't that the real issue, my dear?
I think you should tell him how you feel, rather than laying into him. Your anger distorted your meaning and purpose. I know it came from a broken-heart. You just wanted to let him know he hurt your feelings for not thinking of you; and bringing you back a little memento of his experience to share with you. You are sentimental, and such things are important to you. You feel too embarrassed to just come right out and say that. Instead you made it a deal about gifts; and hid your hurt feelings behind anger.
You must let him know that you like keep-sakes and little mementos to show his affection. You like to keep these little things to remind you of times and places shared with someone you love. I fully understand your feelings. You have to tell him, or he will only see it as your pettiness and childish overreaction. Nothing works better than calmly explaining to the dummy that he screwed-up, and he didn't consider your feelings. Don't expect what you don't give back. If you refrain from doing little things to make him happy, don't expect him to do it for you. You will not get affection in exchange for chewing him out.
Ask him to think of you and show you more affection. Things don't compensate for what you really want from him. His true affection for you. There, did I get it right?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2016): Your boyfriend can't read your mind, and since you already knew he's not big on gift giving you should have dropped a hint and/or made a request to bring something of his choosing back for you.
You're not spoiled, just unrealistic to expect him to act the way you would and unfair to tear into him for failing to do so.
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