A
female
age
30-35,
*ik9
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years and have been best friends for 5 years, so we are very close and very much in love, mutually. Just two weeks ago he went off to college. He now lives 6 hours away, so we realize we won't be able to see one another very often. Today when he called me, he kind of told me that he doesn't know if he wants to stay with me. He revealed that all his new buddies have been pushing him to go to a lot of parties, and that the easy college girls he meets at the parties are very tempting. He says he wishes he could have his cake (me) and eat it too (them). This of course upset me. I didn't think he was that kind of guy. I thought he was on board for staying together and being exclusive, especially since he was sooo sad to have to move away from me(he even cried), but now I'm wondering if he can handle it. I didn't judge him but I told him I was shocked and that I would not stay with him if he decided to sleep with other women. He said that he wishes he could but that he realizes he'd lose me forever, and so he's not sure if it's worth it to him. I guess he already realizes he will regret it. I'm almost positive I am the one he wants to end up with and eventually marry, since I'm the type of girl a man takes home to his folks(a.k.a. not a slut), but I think he wants to experience sex with other women before he settles with me. I'm not the kind of girl to allow this. It's either you stay with me now, or you leave, and I move on forever. I told my last boyfriend this. He didn't believe me that I'd never get back with him and broke up with me. He thought he could pick up where we left off later. About 6 months after he left me, he tried getting back, but I said no. Although I still loved him, he had caused too much pain. I didn't think things would be the same. So back to my current boyfriend, I won't get back with him if he decides to leave me for promiscuous sex with sluts. He knows this. At the moment, we are still together, but I'm giving him some time to think about things. He said he'll call me and give me his answer in the next few days.I love him so much and am so devastated that this same thing is happening to me again. I know he will regret doing this, just like my other ex did, because he will learn that I will not take him back. I'm afraid he will leave me, mess around for a semester, then decide he wants me back, and I will sadly have to tell him no, even though I'll want to say yes. I just don't think it's fair for me to have to wait for him. I feel like I should be allowed to move on, try to be happy somehow, and possibly find someone who won't ever do this to me.I need your opinions on this matter. Any advice on how to deal with this? What to do? What NOT to do? Similar stories and experiences? I'm all ears...
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (29 August 2011):
 When your BF left for college, he probably was completely on board with monagamy with you. He obviously cares for you, because he shared with you that he was feeling tempted and was honest about his feelings. He could have gone off and experimented and kept it a secret from you.
I can understand why you are upset he would hint/suggest having the best of both worlds.
You were both open and honest about what you expect from each other and what the consequences would be if he strays.
You may both feel that you eventually want to settle down with each other in the future, but now is not the time to be making those huge choices. ALL relationships have risk, and more so if you are in a LDR and transitionatory area of your life.
Both are you are still becoming complete adults. You are n not quite there yet, so why put so much pressure on yourselves as if you are already married?
Perhaps you both need to reconsider if you can live with the LDR/strain of monogamy? This is a hard time that many couples face, but it might be best to let him go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Hey, I'm going through a similar situation but my boyfriend lives closer to me than 6 hours. He also goes to a college filled with hot girls BUT ignores what his friends say about shagging them! He doesn't pay attention to these girls and makes me feel like I'm the one for him, something your bf isn't doing. I'm really sorry you had to go through this, but I have to tell you, if he's being pressured by his friends and tempted (such GREAT friends!) so much so that he's DOUBTING you, then he is not worth putting up with. Youre better than that and you know it. I didn't see anything about you being tempted by college guys. Hopefully he will come to his senses if he loves you as much as you say. But if he chooses to go for the sluts, he isnt worth waiting for. You're right. you CAN find a guy who will be happy with you and you alone, and not even so much as THINK about all the hot girls at his college.
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A
male
reader, UKLifeCoach  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Hi,
With you bieng so young i would say that it is heartbreaking but not the end of the world just yet. I think there is possible a few more partners before you find mr right,
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