A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently discovered that my boyfriend may be caring a relationship with another girl long distance. He is texting a girl in another state and from the looks of the texts, they have some sort of relationship. They call each other baby and tell each other "I love you" and he even knows her password to her cell phone provider online account. They also texted about getting a phone plan together as well as her lending him money for a speeding ticket, that he never got. He gets mad at me if I even mention other guys and even suspected me of cheating because I used up all minutes once. If I mention to him that I think he's cheating he gets offended and tells me I'm just paranoid. I can't let this go. I'm not going to there and let him two-time me. Every time I catch him in a lie, he covers up that lie with another lie...he always tries to turn everything around on me. My question is what is the best way to confront him and how to deal when he's denying it or pretending that I made it all up? I have proof but he'll just ignore it. I know I should leave him but for some reason I can't bring myself too. I am constantly paranoid about what he's doing and who he's talking to. He's very secretive with his phone but the texts I seen that day weren't just to one other girl. There were 3 other unregistered numbers that he texts on regular basis all random area codes in the country... Also the main girl, I have seen transactions with her through paypal so I know they exchange money...please what is the best way to confront him? P.S. We have been together for 2 years
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I have been in the situation of unknowingly being the "other" woman and being used for money. The best thing that ever happened to me was when his girlfriend called my number and calmly asked me if I knew him, how I knew him and then she told me that he has been living with her for 6 months, they were trying for a baby and I was welcome to have him if I wanted him. I told her I didn't want him and neither did she. He never actually spoke to me after this because he had been found out and was a complete coward. Call this woman and be nice to her because it is most likely that she has no idea that you exist in his life, and simply talk to her letting her know you are his girlfriend. In my situation his girlfriend had me on the phone when she confronted him and I heard the lies he told, there was no way out of it for him and life was better for all. I hope this helped a bit. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): wow, I'm right now, going thru exactly the same thing. My boyfriend is doing an LDR with somebody in another country. Exactly as you say, he denies everything. And he doesn't want to let me go. He insists that we stay together and that there's nothing going on with that other girl, that they just work together. That is not true of course. Anyways, I think the only thing to do, is be very strong and leave. He is not good for you, you will find somebody else that loves you. That's what I've just done. He will always be like this.
Do you think you can live like this forever?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): He is using this other woman financially and is an emotional vampire. He doesn't love- he uses.I'd take the cell and say Hi, I'm So and So, his GF that he is cheating on. I can see he is incapable of being a honest, loving man. He is using you financially to clean up after his own mess. Thats unattractive.I just realized he is such an F-ed up Loser and you can have his Sorry Sack Ass as I'm way to good for this bullcrap drama. Have Fun Love!AND WALK AWAY.Don't care about making him honest- he isn't and wont' be because he has to decide that for himself.THEN MAKE A HEALTHIER DATING CHOICE next time so you can be HAPPIER.Love, for the most part, should be effortless and no lies, no suspicions, no drama. No policing either.You should be laughing and carefree instead of full of worry, pain, anger.BE HAPPY!Ditch the Bum ASAP.*Hugs*
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Honey I was married to a man like this... there is NO sense in confronting him. he will just deny deny deny and make up more lies and rational sounding excuses...
you will get no closure from this man... he is not capable of a mature honest relationship...
You will leave when the cons outweigh the pros... whatever YOUR breaking point is....
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A
female
reader, bluegreen  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 I have to agree with supermum, if your guy can lie to your face, what more sins could he do to you? Is he even afraid of you leaving him?
TRUST was already gone, you dont trust him anymore. Two years of relationship, let me remind you that the longer the relationship is, the stronger it should be.
To save the relationship: Give him a chance to tell you the truth by asking him, "Would you want to tell me something?" If he talks, then you both can settle things and patch things up. Regain each others' trust.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Hi,As you know the situation well, he's just going to continue lying to you, and make more lies... I've been there, I did have enough proof, still he denied, and made me believe that I was being crazy. There's no win in this situation. He's a liar, he lied to your face...He's cheating on you emotionally, but cheating is cheating. It's so unfair... Why lie? Why keep you in his life if he wants to have relationships with other girls? What's worst, he blames you! Now, you are being paranoid, and I don't blame you for acting this way. This is not your fault, and he's the reason why you are behaving this way. The truth is, once the trust is broken in a relationship it's over! He doesn't respect you! So, what's the point on being together now? It's exhausting living this way... If you feel you need to talk to him, do so, but just know that he will never admit, and you will never get your answers. Now that you know what kind of man he's, leave him now!!!! For your own sanity.... Save your time, and energy. Find someone that have character, integrity, and honor. Someone that respect you, someone that truly deserves you. Be strong....Good luck
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 If you cannot confront him with evidence, and you cannot leave him, your best bet is to catch him in the act...
But you should not have to put up with it, and to be honest unless you are willing to accept his behaviour your best bet IS to leave... but I guess it all comes down to what you can handle and what you are willing to put up with.
He is obviously not afraid to lie to your face, to cheat on you, to rub your nose in whatever he is doing. What sort of a boyfriend is that?
I am sorry you are going through a rough time at the moment, but please remember you deserve better than that.
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